Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(-> Simple:)
m (Turn "In the News" heading into a link to UnNews)
 
(1,381 intermediate revisions by more than 100 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
<table width=100%>
+
__NOTOC____NOEDITSECTION__
<tr><td>
+
<!------------ Top banner ------------------------------ -->
<div align=center><p style="margin: 2.5em 0 0 3%; text-align: center;
+
{| style="width:100%; background:#fcfcfc; margin-top:1.2em; border:1px solid #ccc;"
font-size: 125%; line-height: 1.3"><h1>My Readie-Thingie</h1>Welcome [[Americans]]!!! This is the fun, exciting [[Uncyclopedia|easy-read]] place on your computer. You can [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|read]] '''your''' collection of waords and studd any time you want - it even gets [[Help:HowTo|magically]] edited '''just for you!!!''' Don't be shy - it's [[content-free]]!!!</p><br><br><p style="margin:0 0 0 3%;text-align:center;font-size:94%">[[Sophia]] has made us work on [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles '''just for you!!!'''.</p>
+
|style="width:56%; color:#000"| <!--
''Because your so smart, and because this is '''on you're computer''', you can even edit if you want to. You don't need help, but if you're bored, read all about [[Help:HowTo|learning to speel]] and [[Flamewar Guidelines|dealing with the gnomes in your computer]].<br>''
 
   
<h5>Browse: <p style="font-variant: small-caps; text-align:center; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom:.2em; font-size: 105%;">[[:Category:Politics and Government|Great Leaders]] | [[:Category:Games|things to play with]] | [[:Category:Computers and Technology|things to play with that beep]] | [[:Category:People|other People]] | [[:Category:Quaint|silly]] | [[:Category:Coherent|long words]] <br> [[Special:Popularpages|Most Favourite]] | [[Special:Allpages|words in order of the alphabet (A is for Apple,B is for Bus)]] | [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Other scary things...]]</p> </h5>
+
---------- "Welcome to Uncyclopedia" etc ----------- -->
  +
{| style="width:280px; border:solid 0px; background:none;"
  +
|style="width:280px; text-align:center; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
  +
<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</div>
  +
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
  +
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in English</div>
  +
|}<!--
   
  +
---------- Portals on right hand side ---------------------------- -->
  +
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%; color:#000;"|
  +
*[[:Portal:Politics|Politics]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Games|Games]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Music|Music]]
  +
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%;"|
  +
*[[Portal:Science|Science]]
  +
*[[:Portal:History|History]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Art|Art]]
  +
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%; color:#000;"|
  +
*[[:Portal:Television|Television]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Film|Film]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Theatre|Theatre]]
  +
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%;"|
  +
*[[:Portal:Society|Society]]
  +
*[[:Portal:People|People]]
  +
*'''[[:Portal:Portals|All Portals]]'''
  +
|}<!--
   
<!--''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Look at things in Uncyclopedia]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Browse by overview|Article overviews]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Quick index|Alphabetical index]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Category schemes|Other category schemes]]''--><br></div>
+
---------- Links under banner --------------------- -->
  +
{|style="width:100%; background:none; margin:-.8em 0 -.7em 0;"
  +
|style="font-size:95%; padding:10px 0; margin:0px; text-align:center; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
  +
[[Beginner's Guide]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Five_pliers|The Big Five]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]] '''&middot;''' [[File:F_icon.svg|15px|link=https://www.facebook.com/pages/Uncyclopedia/1856295257929947?sk=timeline|The Uncyclopedia page on Facebook]]
  +
|}
   
</td><td>[[Image:WeStandAsOne.jpg|thumb|280px|[[United States of America|Land of the free!]] <br> [[George W. Bush|Home of the brave!]]]]</td></tr></table>
+
<!--
   
{| cellspacing="3" style="clear:both"
+
---------- Beginning of main table ------------------ -->
|-valign="top"
+
{| style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px"
|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #ffc9c9; color: #000; background-color: #fff3f3"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"> <h3>Today's show and tell</h3>
+
|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cef2e0; background-color:#f2fff9; vertical-align:top;"| <!--
{{Featuredarticle}}
 
   
You can [[Uncyclopedia:VFH|put your mark]] for your most favoriteist things to be taken to show and tell.
+
---------- Beginning of left column ----------------- -->
+
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2fff9;"
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Best of | More favoriteist things from show and tell]]'''
+
|{{r|Featuredarticle}}{{FFA/include|z}}
----
+
|-
<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>What happend long ago today</h3>
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did you know...</h2>
{{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}
+
|-
+
|<div style="margin-left:0.5em;">{{DYKimage}}{{DidYouKnow|r}}{{DidYouKnow|a}}{{DidYouKnow|n}}{{DidYouKnow|d}}{{DidYouKnow|o}}{{DidYouKnow|m}}</div>
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}|What happend long ago other days]]'''
+
<div align="right" class="noprint" style="clear:all">
  +
'''[[Did You Know|Archive]]''' &ndash; '''[[Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions|Suggest new entries]]'''
 
</div>
 
</div>
|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c6c9ff; color: #000; background-color: #f0f0ff"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recentnews|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Things that the nice man on the telly next to the pretty lady are telling you (betwen adverts)</h3>
+
|-
{{Recentnews}}
+
|}<!--
 
'''[[Current events|What things are happening]]'''
 
----
 
<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:DidYouKnow|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Did you know...</h3>
 
''From Uncyclopedia's [[Special:Listadmins|mommies and daddies]]:
 
{{DidYouKnow}}
 
   
'''[[Did You Know|find out more]]'''
+
---------- Beginning of right column ----------------------- -->
  +
|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cedff2; background-color:#f2f8ff; vertical-align:top;"|
  +
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2f8ff;"
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">[[UnNews|In the news:]]</h2>
  +
|-
  +
| <div class="nonwhite">{{RecentUnNews}}</div>
  +
|-
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">On this day...</h2>
  +
|-
  +
| <div class="nonwhite">{{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}</div>
  +
<div align="right" class="noprint">
  +
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{tomorrow}}|View tomorrow]] &ndash; [[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}|More anniversaries...]]'''
 
</div>
 
</div>
  +
<!-- This appears to be dead
 
|-
 
|-
| colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #f3fff3"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Som things that have been recently writtened</h3>
+
! style="background-color:#cedff2; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left" | Colonization of the Week
{{Recent}}
+
|-
  +
|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[Uncyclopedia:Imperial_Colonization#Our_current_Colonization|{{Imperial Colonization/current}}]]</span><br />''Help [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|us]] clear the ivy of crap,<br>and plant the seeds of humour.''</center>-->
  +
|}
  +
|}<!--
   
'''[[Special:Newpages|New stuff!!!]]''' <!-- |
+
---------- Featured picture ----------------- -->
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|stuff we want]]''' |
+
{|class="MainPageBG" style="margin: 0; padding: .5em; width:100%; border:1px solid #ddcef2; background:#faf5ff; vertical-align:top; color:#000;"
'''[[:Category:Rewrite|Too many long words!]]''' |
+
! <h2 style="margin:0; background:#ddcef2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em">Today's featured picture</h2>
'''[[:Category:Stub|Make more shitty un-funny one liners]]''' |
+
|-
'''[[Special:Lonelypages|Lonely pages (ahhh)]]''' -->
+
|style="color:#000;"|{{FI}}
  +
|}<!--
   
</div>
+
------------- Recent Articles ---------------------- -->
  +
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #ffc9c9; background-color:#fff3f3; vertical-align:top; "
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Recent Articles</h2>
  +
|-
  +
|{{Recent}}
  +
'''[[Special:Newpages|More recent articles]]''' |
  +
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted pages]]''' |
  +
'''[[:Category:Articles to fix|Articles to fix]]''' |
  +
'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stubs]]''' |
  +
'''[[Special:Lonelypages|Lonely pages]]''' |
  +
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Pee Review|Pee Review]]''' |
  +
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Try writing about...]]'''
 
|-
 
|-
| colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #ffffdf"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><h3>Monkey of the Month</h3>
+
|} <!--
{{MonthlyAwards}}
 
 
</div>
 
   
  +
-------------------- Start of Awards etc ------------------------------ -->
  +
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #c9c9c9; background-color:#FFFFF2; vertical-align:top;"
  +
|-
  +
{{Vote Reminder}}
 
|}
 
|}
  +
{{Sisterprojects/languages}}
   
{{Simple Languages}}
+
Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
To make some new firends so talk about stuff, go to[irc://irc.us.freenode.net/uncyclopedia #uncyclopedia @ FreeNode].
+
[[Category:Uncyclopedia]]
+
{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}
Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an [[special]] clan of [[Clinjas|funny peolple in Jim-Jams]].
 

Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,385 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Categories · Featured content · A–Z index · F icon

Today's Featured Article - Lemonade

Lemonade2

Lemonade is what kids tell unsuspecting customers they are buying at their curbside stands for 5¢, just before giggling as they watch them drink it. This well-known summertime beverage is supposedly made from lemons, but also contains copious amounts of sugar, and is heavily watered-down to save on production costs.

The earliest known records of lemonade come from Egypt around 700 B.C., at a time when lemon trees grew like weeds and the Pharaoh had a real problem on his hands. His creative solution proposed to farmers in his kingdom was to harvest the fruit of these trees and drink its juice, replacing the lost nourishment from their failed crops. This initiative was a resounding success; however, irresponsible cultivation practices led to a lack of water for irrigation, reducing Egypt's wide stretches of farmland to the desert it is today. The resulting famine and uprising explain why the modern Egyptian government has a curious lack of Pharaohs.

By 1600 A.D., the French finally found a way to responsibly cultivate the lemon tree without destroying their agricultural industry, leading to a resurgence in lemonade's popularity. This was originally carried around in large tanks on their banks, until the modern invention of the beer hat. When one requests lemonade at a cafe in France, straight lemon juice is served, alongside water and sugar for wussy foreign tourists.

The most common form of lemonade is prepared using only three ingredients: lemon juice, sugar, and water. First, fresh lemon juice is extracted from lemons by utilizing an industrial press similar to that used for making apple cider. The lemons are crushed with approximately 500 PSI of pressure until they stop screaming, all while their bodily fluids leak out through pores in their rinds into a collecting basin. Next, sugar is added to the juice, which further enhances the acidic juice's ability to erode tooth enamel during consumption. It also lends much-needed sweetness and calories to the beverage, because no proper soft drink should ever be mistakable for something healthy. (more...)

Recently featured: Community

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured The Andy Griffith Show, featured on 6 May 2013. See the featured version.
UnNews:Our Great Leader Kim Jong-un brings even more prosperity to us glorious North Koreans, featured on 6 May 2012. See the featured version.
HowTo:Frighten small children, featured on 6 May 2011. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Drowning
  • ...that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (pictured)
  • ...that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!
  • ...that sheep shrink when it rains?
  • ...that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
  • ...that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
  • ...that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
  • ...that when it says 'Do not try at home', it actually means 'Do not try this at all'?

In the news:

On this day...

No pants day

May 6: No Pants Day (observed)

  • 1527 - Spanish and German troops sack Rome, ending the Rennaisance and the Era of Poofy Pants in one stroke.
  • 1536 - King Henry VIII orders English language Bibles be placed in every church, along with wooden crucifixes and stores of holy water, in efforts to stave off vampire invasions.
  • 1866 - Oscar Wilde's short story A House of Pomegranetes makes the first use of pie charts in known literature.
  • 1882 - The United States Congress passes the Chinese Exclusion Act, followed shortly by the Colored Folk Rights Denial Bill.
  • 1954 - Roger Bannister becomes the first human to run the mile in less than four minutes and also pass the subsequent tests for drug use and being a robot.
  • 2007 - Queen Elizabeth stands in line with the great unwashed to place a bet on a bobtail nag running in the Kentuckistan Derby.
  • 2010 - The general election is held in the UK. Everyone loses.
  • 2012 - American Jerry Bauhauser becomes the first man to cross the Atlantic in a Badonkadonk.

Today's featured picture

Godpissed

God is pissed.

Image Credit: Tripod2282
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Blue Whale.jpg

Megyn Kelly | Whales (pictured) | Springtime writing contest: Lemonade | Boaty McBoatface | Clash of the Titans | Cesar Millan | Prince | White Knight | Ironman Triathlon | Travesty | Theseus | Richard Simmons | Trujillo, Peru | Throwball | WONE radio | Iquitos, Peru (from Inciclopedia) | Helmsley | Keighley | Skipton | Calais | Super-delegate | Winners of the 2016 Uncyclopedia Super Bowl: Shredded wheat | Malcolm Turnbull | Secret | Kodak | William Shatner | Atlantic Ocean | Jim Gilmore | Marco Rubio | Slovakia | Nudibranch


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Articles to fix | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Logo Text Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes2 UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Unbooks-logo notext UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable-logo-en vector notext Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity-logo-notext Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext UnCommons
Broken media repository


Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 31,385 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
W17x11 30557
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
45286
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
18180
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
W17x11 16666
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
W17x11 13518
Wiki it
1dÉ
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
W17x11 8364
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
W17x11 10392
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5720
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
W17x11 Unknown
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
7614
Hikipedia
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on September 3, 2014.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/01 April 2008Template:FA/2008</includeonly>
Personal tools
projects