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Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an [[special]] clan of [[Clinjas|funny peolple in Jim-Jams]].
 

Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,311 articles in English

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Today's Featured Article - HowTo:Drive your car out of a lake

ScubaCar01

Parking your car in a lake is easy. Maybe you’ve left your car in neutral on a steep embankment next to a lake and gravity did the parking for you. You may have mistaken the lake for a rippling parking lot filled with cresting wave-like shopping carts. Or you parked your car in a ditch at the start of monsoon season and the lake sprang up around it. Regardless, the easy part is over. Now you face the more difficult challenge – getting the car back out of the lake. You could hire a tow truck to drive in after it, but that is a costly business. Similarly, a crane could be employed to retrieve your vehicle, provided it has ample bill length and unnatural avian strength. Or you could just drive your car out of the lake. Really, it’s the only rational choice.

To find your car, swim directly into the lake. If the car is floating it will be easy to spot, although some turtles may be mistaken for a floating car. If you find a turtle -- keep searching, as this is not your car but a reptilian imposter. If the car is sunken, the process for locating it is trickier. Sunken cars require scuba gear, a metal detector and, if the lake is dark, a strong flashlight. Now plumb the lake’s depths to locate your missing vehicle. If the metal detector or flashlight stop working, check the batteries.

Once you’ve found your car, you must get inside. If the car is floating, the act of getting inside may cause it to sink. This is a good thing, as you need the car to be at the bottom of the lake in order to drive it. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Tales of an Emo, featured on 13 February 2012. See the featured version.
Elephant, featured on 13 February 2011. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Telem
  • ...that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (pictured)
  • ...that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
  • ...that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
  • ...that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
  • ...that the average human male between the ages of 13 and 18 is has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
    • ...and if you haven't before you just did after reading the above statement.
  • ...that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
  • ...that if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, the tree will begin to sing Nightwish until somebody approaches within earshot?

In the news:

On this day...

February 13: Simple English for Republicans Day

Today's featured picture

LegoAssassination2

The Lego JFK Assassination Set was the top selling toy of 1963. Collectors have been known to pay up to twenty-seven dollars on eBay.

Image Credit: Sliferjam
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Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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