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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,384 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Categories · Featured content · A–Z index · F icon

Today's Featured Article - Lemonade

Lemonade2

Lemonade is what kids tell unsuspecting customers they are buying at their curbside stands for 5¢, just before giggling as they watch them drink it. This well-known summertime beverage is supposedly made from lemons, but also contains copious amounts of sugar, and is heavily watered-down to save on production costs.

The earliest known records of lemonade come from Egypt around 700 B.C., at a time when lemon trees grew like weeds and the Pharaoh had a real problem on his hands. His creative solution proposed to farmers in his kingdom was to harvest the fruit of these trees and drink its juice, replacing the lost nourishment from their failed crops. This initiative was a resounding success; however, irresponsible cultivation practices led to a lack of water for irrigation, reducing Egypt's wide stretches of farmland to the desert it is today. The resulting famine and uprising explain why the modern Egyptian government has a curious lack of Pharaohs.

By 1600 A.D., the French finally found a way to responsibly cultivate the lemon tree without destroying their agricultural industry, leading to a resurgence in lemonade's popularity. This was originally carried around in large tanks on their banks, until the modern invention of the beer hat. When one requests lemonade at a cafe in France, straight lemon juice is served, alongside water and sugar for wussy foreign tourists.

The most common form of lemonade is prepared using only three ingredients: lemon juice, sugar, and water. First, fresh lemon juice is extracted from lemons by utilizing an industrial press similar to that used for making apple cider. The lemons are crushed with approximately 500 PSI of pressure until they stop screaming, all while their bodily fluids leak out through pores in their rinds into a collecting basin. Next, sugar is added to the juice, which further enhances the acidic juice's ability to erode tooth enamel during consumption. It also lends much-needed sweetness and calories to the beverage, because no proper soft drink should ever be mistakable for something healthy. (more...)

Recently featured: Community

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured The Andy Griffith Show, featured on 6 May 2013. See the featured version.
UnNews:Our Great Leader Kim Jong-un brings even more prosperity to us glorious North Koreans, featured on 6 May 2012. See the featured version.
HowTo:Frighten small children, featured on 6 May 2011. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Tyrannosaurus model at NHM
  • ...that US officials grabbed a Tyrannosaurus that entered the country illegally? (pictured)
  • ...that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
  • ...that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
  • ...that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
  • ...that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
  • ...that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
  • ...that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?

In the news:

On this day...

No pants day

May 6: No Pants Day (observed)

  • 1527 - Spanish and German troops sack Rome, ending the Rennaisance and the Era of Poofy Pants in one stroke.
  • 1536 - King Henry VIII orders English language Bibles be placed in every church, along with wooden crucifixes and stores of holy water, in efforts to stave off vampire invasions.
  • 1866 - Oscar Wilde's short story A House of Pomegranetes makes the first use of pie charts in known literature.
  • 1882 - The United States Congress passes the Chinese Exclusion Act, followed shortly by the Colored Folk Rights Denial Bill.
  • 1954 - Roger Bannister becomes the first human to run the mile in less than four minutes and also pass the subsequent tests for drug use and being a robot.
  • 2007 - Queen Elizabeth stands in line with the great unwashed to place a bet on a bobtail nag running in the Kentuckistan Derby.
  • 2010 - The general election is held in the UK. Everyone loses.
  • 2012 - American Jerry Bauhauser becomes the first man to cross the Atlantic in a Badonkadonk.

Today's featured picture

Satan-job

Satan hates his job, too. You're not like Satan. Are you?

Image Credit: RadicalX
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Blue Whale.jpg

Megyn Kelly | Whales (pictured) | Springtime writing contest: Lemonade | Boaty McBoatface | Clash of the Titans | Cesar Millan | Prince | White Knight | Ironman Triathlon | Travesty | Theseus | Richard Simmons | Trujillo, Peru | Throwball | WONE radio | Iquitos, Peru (from Inciclopedia) | Helmsley | Keighley | Skipton | Calais | Super-delegate | Winners of the 2016 Uncyclopedia Super Bowl: Shredded wheat | Malcolm Turnbull | Secret | Kodak | William Shatner | Atlantic Ocean | Jim Gilmore | Marco Rubio | Slovakia | Nudibranch


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Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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