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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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Today's Featured Article - HowTo:Drive your car out of a lake

ScubaCar01

Parking your car in a lake is easy. Maybe you’ve left your car in neutral on a steep embankment next to a lake and gravity did the parking for you. You may have mistaken the lake for a rippling parking lot filled with cresting wave-like shopping carts. Or you parked your car in a ditch at the start of monsoon season and the lake sprang up around it. Regardless, the easy part is over. Now you face the more difficult challenge – getting the car back out of the lake. You could hire a tow truck to drive in after it, but that is a costly business. Similarly, a crane could be employed to retrieve your vehicle, provided it has ample bill length and unnatural avian strength. Or you could just drive your car out of the lake. Really, it’s the only rational choice.

To find your car, swim directly into the lake. If the car is floating it will be easy to spot, although some turtles may be mistaken for a floating car. If you find a turtle -- keep searching, as this is not your car but a reptilian imposter. If the car is sunken, the process for locating it is trickier. Sunken cars require scuba gear, a metal detector and, if the lake is dark, a strong flashlight. Now plumb the lake’s depths to locate your missing vehicle. If the metal detector or flashlight stop working, check the batteries.

Once you’ve found your car, you must get inside. If the car is floating, the act of getting inside may cause it to sink. This is a good thing, as you need the car to be at the bottom of the lake in order to drive it. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Etiquette, featured on 14 February 2014. See the featured version.
Silent radio, featured on 14 February 2013. See the featured version.
UnNews:Tupperware Rave Is Huge Success, featured on 14 February 2012. See the featured version.
Blockbuster, featured on 14 February 2011. See the featured version.

Did you know...

180px-Wikipedians
  • ...that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (pictured)
  • ...that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
  • ...that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
    • ...that bears have been known to challenge for the role of Alaska's leader?
  • ...that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
  • ...that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
  • ...that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
  • ...that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?

In the news:

On this day...

February 14: International Suck Day
  • 32 - Jesus Christ contracts bad case of crabs from Mary Magdalene.
  • 35 - New cure for crabs invented that does not involve crucifiction.
  • 69 - Two young lovers get it on in a groovy new position.
  • 269 - St Valentinus is castrated, horsewhipped and disembowelled. 1500 years later, this day is celebrated through romance.
  • 1799 - Bad pun day in history - Apparently, James Cook was killed on the Sandwich Islands. Historians aren't laughing.
  • 1852 - Ash Ketchum says "I choo choo choose you" to Ted Williamson shortly before his death by being hit by a train.
  • 1917 - In Soviet Russia, woe is you
  • 1994 - Canada successfully build space shuttle capable of flying back to Earth
  • 2000 - Some people are woefully alone on this day.
  • 2001 - Everyone who was woefully alone in 2000 is still alone on this day.
  • 2002 - They're still woefully alone.
  • 2003 - One of the people who is woefully alone proposes an alternative holiday, entitled Go Out With A Loser Who Has Never Had A Date Day. However, no girl will still talk to him.
  • 2004 - Not willing to give up, the guy who made the holiday in 2003 decides to make Trek-mance Connection. Now, even nerdy girls still won't talk to him, and everyone mocks his horrible naming skills.
  • 2005 - Lonely guy starts an Emo band. Bandmates ask him not to name the band. Girls still won't talk to him.
  • 2009 - St Valentinus is reborn and executed for the second time for molesting small farm animals.
  • 2010 - St Valentinus is reincarnated as a charismatic frog and gets away with years of outrageous self-abuse.

Today's featured picture

Drunkos

The Drunk Olympics is an athletic competition in which all participating athletes compete in several sporting events while intoxicated far beyond the typical human breaking point. It has spawned the creation of several organized competitions, including Thunderdome and Cup Stacking.

Image Credit: The Thinker
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

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