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Latest revision as of 19:03, August 21, 2014

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
30,828 articles in English

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Today's Featured Article - Power

Creation of the Sun and Moon face detail

Power . A word that is doubtless familiar to you and a concept you probably think you understand but yet, how much do we you really know about power?

Not much!

That's correct, bodiless, unexplained, yet helpful italicised text! We know next to nothing about power which, in its majesty is in all things, if you can comprehend such a concept. It could even be within you! You could have power right now and be unaware of the staggering implications of that fact.

I could have power?

Quite possibly, I can usually tell very quickly whether or not somebody has power. I have power and as a result I feel a certain kinship towards others with power.

I'd love to hear more about power!

Of course you would! (more...)

Recently featured: Power

Yesterday's Featured Article - Sex scene

Sexscene1

Sex scenes in films is what it is all about really. Forget the rest of the movie, the special effects, fancy dialogue and the locations, what people really want to watch is vigorous, on-screen humping. Even in war movies or animation have subliminal sex splattered all over them. And I won't even bother talking about men stroking their guns in 'Thin Red Line' or super heroes running around in multi-coloured caps and condoms.

What we all want to know is 'are they really doing it?'. A sex scene can be found in a movie, book or television show. It may include explicit sex (as in pornography) or it may only be suggestive of "real" sex, however; as a rule, it is better sex than you have ever had - or ever likely to have. If you have had better sex than that which is depicted in the scene, it is most likely not a real sex scene - it is probably just something weird you get off on.

Sex scenes are often used to get underage minors to watch movies with an "R" rating. Often, the two (or more) people in a sex scene don't like each other, but are just doing it because they are paid to moan and wriggle when a fat slob in a director's chair tells them to. And if it is a real pornographic film, that ugly bloke you always see? - yes that's the producer getting his money shots..but that is more sex obscene.

Film makers are not dumb. They know sex scenes in movies increase profits by up to 7 billion percent but really, when was the last you had sex and said: "Wow! This is just like the movies..."

Yeah, thought so.(more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Cheech & Chong, featured on 26 January 2012. See the featured version.
Lonely hearts column, featured on 26 January 2011. See the featured version.
Will Smith, featured on 26 January 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Icecream6gyfc2
  • ...that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (pictured)
  • ...that torture is better to give than to receive?
  • ...that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ...that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ...that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
  • ...that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
  • ...that Ben Stiller makes everything funny?

In the news

On this day...

January 26: National 'Hail Zeus' day (Ancient Greece)
Zeus
  • Beginning of Time - Zeus is begat by Chronos and Chaos.
  • 3457 BC - Zeus gets it on with his wife/sister, Hera. He has Orpheus invent the banjo to provide some mood music for their wedding night. Unfortunately, the song he creates for that special occasion is later used in the film Deliverance.
  • 353 - Christianity takes a whack at Zeus.
  • 700 - Zeus commands the French to worship him. When they refuse, he curses them with garlic and an irrational fear of washing.
  • 1879 - Zeus smites the prototype caboose to advert unflattering poetry. Unfortunately, it is reinvented three days latter.
  • 1901 - The popular phrase "I dont give a fuck" is used for the first time by John Keats when he found out that the toothpaste he was using was actually his shaving cream.
  • 1959 - Under the pen name Dr. Zeuss, Zeus begins to write children's literature. His first book is "Hop on MILF", in which a Greek god transforms into various animals in order to make out with human women.
  • 1974 - Zeus curses John Boorman for using his wedding-night song in Deliverance. When Boorman's next film, Zardoz, flops, Zeus simply laughs.
  • 2002 - Zeus decides he doesn't like George W. Bush and decides to strike him down, but can't find any lightning bolts. Instead he sends him a cursed pretzel.
  • 2010 - A Greek man charged with sodomistic rape of an Iranian woman is found not guilty in celebration of the verdict being read on this holiday.

Today's featured picture

Moses with Ipad

When Moses finally reached the top of Mount Sinai he was surprised to find God had left him the holy iPad; complete with the ten commandments, the angry birds app, and all!

Image Credit: Magic man and his friend.
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

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