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U2-down-and-out

During the late 1990s, the band U2 fell on hard times.
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Today's Featured Article - Hayden Christensen

HaydenChrist2017

Hayden A. Christensen (born April 19, 1981) is a Canadian prettyboy actor. He is best known for playing Anakin "Mannequin" Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels, as well as being in some other movies like Life as a House, Shattered Glass, and Jumper which nobody really knows much about, though his acting is supposedly better in those movies.

Christensen was the illegitimate child of Star Wars creator George Lucas and Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher from during their brief fling, and actually had a cameo as the slight bulge on Fisher's gut during her bikini scene in Return of the Jedi, filmed in 1980. He was given up for adoption to a kindly Canadian couple, being the youngest of their four children. His adoptive older sister, Hejsa, is a former trampoline champion and got into a Pringles commercial, while his adoptive aunt, supermodel Helena Christensen, was recently voted Denmark's most beautiful lefty. Hayden's middle name, "Amanda", was chosen because his adoptive parents wanted another girl so bad, so when they didn't, they compromised their adoptive son's name to fill the void. Whenever he signs his name "Hayden A. Christensen", he tells people the "A." is just a letter he put there because he has no middle name.

Christensen was raised in Thornhill, Ontario outside Toronto and attended Baythorn Public School as a child. In 1985, a four-year-old Hayden played a bit part in his preschool's Thanksgiving play. Angry that he was not given the role of Squanto, little Hayden emphatically shouted his one line, "Pass the stuffing", before breaking down in dramatic tears. It was his "wear your emotions on your sleeve" style which attracted him to the masses. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

Cliche ball

December 14: World Cliché Day.

  • Long Long Ago - Some French guy misplaced his patent for creating the English language.
  • 1735 - Pie was discovered
  • 1911 - Welsh explorer Roald Dahl and his team become the first people to reach the Giant Peach.
  • 1929 - Hitler realizes he has very little time to finish his Christmas shopping, and subsequently freaks out while in line at Wal-Mart. Chaos ensues.
  • 1991 - Scientists first start working on Packaged Bread Without Crust™. For the next 10 years they will go to countless parties with other scientists and feel like they are working to find the cure for cancer.
  • 1992 - It was discovered that Bart Simpson ate my shorts.
  • 2000 - George W. Bush receives his first gay blowjob. In return for the favor, George W. Bush and his government maintain a very friendly line towards homosexuals.
  • 2001 - 10 years in the making, Packaged Bread Without Crust™ is finally introduced as a prototype to the Bimbo company.
  • 2004 The Kitten army begins to prepare for their mass masturbation strike for 25 December during the Human vs. Kitten War. Strike kills 250,000+ humans.
  • 2004 Post it notes claimed another victim in Paris. Rioting ensues. The PostIt-note war began.
  • Today - The first day of the rest of your life.
  • Tomorrow - Another day.
  • The Day After Tomorrow - It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
  • 2101 War was beginning...

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Word of the day

procrastination
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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