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March 18: Suicide-by-Boasting Day, National RAD day (UK, 1989-2000, 2007), End of the Boob Festival (Neptune)
- circa 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire.
- circa 50,000 BC - The ancient Llama civilization begins its downfall with the assasination of Llama Chief LlamaLlama The 45th Mk. II during a boat ride down the Nile.
- 1904 - Dessie Noonan is the first to commit suicide by boasting.
- 1906 - Pope declares suicide by boasting a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
- 1906 - Pope says his decree was best decree ever. He is found dead in a hotel outside Reno, NV with a syringe in his arm.
- 1953 - President Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
- 1954 - Scientists discover the Moon.
- 1955 - Scientists find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
- 1966 - The Evelyn War ends, and Michelle Pfeiffer, a secret code developed by Captain Obvious, officially replaces traditional right-to-left writing, as decreed by the Kansas board of education
- 1991 - MC Hammer releases the song 'Big Rad Boy' but a world-famous spelling error on the Cassette version read 'Big Nad Boy' - the culprit, Bill Gates, was controversially sacked.
- 1991 - Rad Suits become the latest craze in the UK, after teen hero Margaret Thatcher was seen in one.
- 1992 - Michael Jackson re-releases 'Bad' as Rad, however no-one is impressed when it is just the same track with Rad replacing Bad in the lyrics, and the song did very badly. This caused him to turn a paler shade.
- 1993 - The sun tells scientists it and earth should "just be friends." The sun promises to call every few weeks.
- 1994 - Tears for Fears reach Number One on new show Top of the Flops. They would have reached No. 1 on Top of the Pops, it was later revealed, but they failed to say 'rad' during the entire song.
- 2000 - 'Rad Day' is abolished after the phrase isn't considered rad anymore.
- 2004 - The sun tells Al Gore to fuck off with his global warming shit, and proceeds to call Gore a "jive turkey sucka."
- 2005 - Rick James dies of chronic diarrhea… Finally!
- 2006 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show "Full House" is shown around the world. Millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture.
- 2007 - 'Rad Day' returns for one year with a concert featuring Michael Jackson. The 10 people that attended said things were 'Like, well rad init'.
- 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns it. It is never seen again.
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Did you know...
- ...that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
Do you care...
- ...that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
- ...that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
- ...that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?
Writer and Noob of the Month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many
months years to come!
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