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Today's featured article

Let's face it, I'm a comedic genius with a lengthy list of popular films to my credit. Having that kind of clout generates a lot of chicks that absolutely worship my wang. Despite this, I've still had to do my homework in order to survive it all. Women are all crazy dude and we don't need to spend any time debating that one. You already know that! See, we already have a deep connection between us. It doesn't matter if you're some nerdy guy trying to poke the girl next door or some intensely radioactive chick magnet like me, we all face the same dilemma and are therefore brothers. My expertise comes from the fact that when it's only one girl yelling at you, it's difficult to figure them out as a species but when you have hundreds of chicks screaming at you about whatever - wisdom comes quickly. Put your thinking caps on and sit tight, because the master shall now enlighten you. (more...)

Yesterday's featured article

The Stranger or L’Étranger in French is a 1942 novel by Albert Camus. The plot revolves around the character Meursault, a French Algiers man and his journey from his Mother's funeral to his trial and execution for murder. The novel has had great acclaim with the likes of Oscar Wilde praising it, "When I wrote the Ballad of Reading Gaol in jail, I often 'read' The Stranger, though I preferred to call it the 'cell mate'."

The first part deals with his Mother's death and his finding a girlfriend and the second deals with the consequences of murder after Meursault shoots his gun at an Arab man for no apparent reason. The overly zealous bastions of society, the Church and State proceed with both barrels and try to make sure that in prison Meursault's ability to detach from society by practising the 'stranger' would come to an end. (more...)

Featured one year ago today

UnNews:OJ Simpson found guilty, sentenced to fifteen years in a resort hotel, featured on 29 December 2008. See the featured version.

Did you know...

  • ...that, even though it is stated that the people performing this stunt are professionals, only 1.5% of them have graduated from college?
  • ...that you can't read?

In the news

  • England and France having Chunnel trouble.
  • Jedi mourn loss of franchise income.
  • Americans experiencing bullshit fatigue

On this day...

Always Kills Governments, Always!

December 30: Last Chance To Do All The Things You Wanted To Do This Year Day

  • 4004 BC - God remembers to create the Earth. Oh, and everything else, too. Except for sliced bread.
  • 4 BC - Emperor Augustus remembers he was gonna have a census this year! Having missed his opportunity, he proclaims, "Let there be a day upon which all things previously contemplated throughout the last year finally be at once accomplished! Except for tomorrow. But shhhh!" Thus, the "Last Chance to Do All The Things You Wanted To Do This Year Day" was inaugurated.
  • 41 - Calligraphy, the Gayest of Roman Emperors, forgot to sign the will making his goat the next Emperor thus ensuring the slavery of goats for two and a half Millenia.
  • 1037 - King Aurthur loses holy grail to Nigerian timeshare scammers, crusades ensue
  • 1928 - Fart was discovered to be a wave not a partical since two people at two different places can smell it at the same time.
  • 1999 - Procrastinators think about preparing for the Y2K Bug, but put it off until December 31.
  • 2002 - Saddam Hussien realises he's forgotten to send George Bush a Christmas card
  • 2004 - Weren't we gonna start a parady of wickerpedialyte? Yeah? Shit! Better luck next year.
  • 2005 - Forget it! If it ain't done, wait 'til next year.
  • 2005.8 - the letter u is now a bad word
  • 2006 - Saddam Hussein executed for forgetting to send Bush a Christmas card. Again.
  • 2007 - Some guy decided to add his own entry in the anniversaries section before the year is out, but nobody cares.
  • 2007 - This entry was not added. Except in error, and other minor US towns.
  • 2012 -- The Mayans remember to end the world with a BANG!
  • 2017 - Wal★Mart sends in the Giant Smiley to crush the government of Botswana in order to create one giant store next to the redneck country South Africa.
  • 2541 - Goats get their freedom thus changing December 30 from "Last Chance To Do All The Things You Wanted To Do This Year Day" to "Goatcheese Liberation Front and Gift Packet Day" (except in New Guinea).
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

The Grue Crossing signs have proven to be an effective way to prepare drivers for an encounter.

Image Credit: Kaizer the Bjorn
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Recent Articles

Ku Klux Klan | Coptic language | Trey | RMS Avatar‎ | Godwin's Law's Law | Hollywood values | Another essay in the Jones of text | Mr. Peanut rw | Holy Spirit rw | Gramp's Insane Ramblings: Life Lessons | UnPoetia:Holiday Love | HowTo:Change a Spare Tire rw | Check If You Are The Polackophob! | Monitor rw | Herod the Great | Noble prize for Mad Science | Dark Emergency at the Somber Hospital | I Am the Walrus | Lotus Notes | Euro for Your Vision | UnBooks:A Brief Overview Of The History Of The Papyrus Containing The Spell To Preserve Its Possessor Against Attacks From He Who Is In The Water And Its Role In Shaping Human History, Along With Alternate Versions Of History In Various Parallel Universes | Eminem rw | Polish language | Cleopatra | Butter rw | Robert Mugabe's Cricket Almanac | Essay in the Jones of text |


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Aboard the starship Event Horizon. Two men face each other for the last time. One of them, Miller, is trying his best to keep his last grains of sanity, quickly slipping away, while staring into the horror that is his adversary.

Miller: What are you?

Adversary: You know.

Miller: You want me to believe you're the Devil, well, I don't, that's bullshit!

Adversary: I'm not the Devil.

Miller: Then what, what are you? Tell me...

Adversary: Better if I just show you.

His hands reach down and he grabs Miller by the skull. Miller gasps as he sees a series of snapshots...

A news desk coffee stains, an old battered microphone, a bearded hulk, dirt under the rollers

Miller: NO!!!!

Adversary: I'm not the Devil. I'm much, much older. I watched the Beginning and I will see the End. I am the dark behind the stars. I am the dark inside you all. I am Zim_ulator

Miller: NO!!!!!!!

Zim_ulator: I'm not asking you to believe me. You'll see for yourself... and so will the rest of your Uncyclopedians. I'm going now to the other side, AND YOU'RE ALL COMING WITH ME!


Hello! And welcome to the Uncyclopedia Cabal hot line! We thank you for patience and we appreciate your patronage. Please select from the following options: for bannination press 1, for kitten huffing press 2, for drama control press 3, the cabal does not exist press 4, for front page issues press 5. For any other issues please hold the line as your call is being traced.

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eh...hello? mommy? is that you?


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