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SAN FRANCISCO, California Since the dawn of war soldiers have always been taught to react to hostile fire by ducking under cover. But a new weapon designed by Apple for the U.S. Army makes that tactic obsolete. The enemy can run but he can't hide when stalked by the iSmart Ordnance Bullet (iSOB).
After years of development at testing sites such as Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Korea, Iraq, Somalia, Panama, and Libya, etc., the U.S. Army is finally set to unleash the new ultra-smart technology into the heat of battle. The ion-battery-powered iStalk Target System (iSTS), is essentially a high-tech thingamajig that can be programmed so the special 25-mm explosive round, the iSOB, actually stalks and follows the target, and when the bullet is close to the enemy it explodes with the force of an M67 grenade.
Lt. Col. Christopher Lehner, project manager for the semi-automatic, shoulder-fired weapon system that was designed to enhance the U.S. Army's Unexpendable Executive Soldier (General or higher) program, said that the Apple iWeapon's capability alone is so game-changing that it'll lead to new ways of fighting on the battlefield, beginning this month in Afghanistan. The main innovation being that generals will now be fighting on the front lines. (more...)
Yesterday's Featured Article - Kwanzaa
What the Hell is Kwanzaa?
What the Hell is Kwanzaa? I'll tell you what it is, fool. It's a holiday for people of color, because we ain't got one of our own in this racist country. Christmas? Christmas is for Whitey! Ever heard the song "White Christmas"? No? You deaf? You from Mongolia? They play that shit two straight months every year! Even Martin Luther King Day don't belong to us anymore, ya dig? White man says MLK "belongs to everybody". We say "fuck that shit, honky". Kwanzaa is an effort to right one of the of the many wrongs perpetrated against our people for the past four hundred years. You heard me. Whitey jacked MLK, so we jacked Christmas!
Say, tell me more about this "Kwanzaa".
Maulana Karenga invented Kwanzaa, saying "[the goal of Kwanzaa is to] give Blacks an alternative to the existing holiday and...an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history, rather than simply imitate the practice of the dominant society." That's just my man's way of saying "I will not bow down before you and celebrate your holidays! So fuck you!" in a way that you smooth-tongued White Devils could understand. He took the name for Kwanzaa from a Swahili phrase, matunda ya kwanza, meaning "hands off, bitch!" He said that Christianity was a religion of evil oppressors that African people should shun like the Devil. You know what else he said? He said Jesus was psychotic. That motha was hard-core, know what I mean? (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that you don't need a silencer to shoot a mime?
- ... that the gun that shoots guns that shoots swords is similar to the gun that shoots swords, but instead of shooting swords, it shoots another gun? When the second gun reaches the end of the string, you pull back on the first gun and the second gun shoots a sword.
- ...that “If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can ever imagine?”
~ Jesus
- ...that the popular sitcom 667:Neighbor of The Beast was especially loved by mothers who wanted their children to "be more like that Satan"?
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