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DAMASCUS, Syria Vladimir Putin - a dapper, cloak-and-dagger Russian politician and Karate teacher - met with all two reporters at a press conference organized in Moscow strictly for members of the American media not in cahoots with PNAC. Putin told the pair, which included us, that all peace-loving denizens in Syria and the world should start demanding air strikes against "Mad Dog" John McCain in order to force the pathological warmonger to put up OR shut up!
The Russian Prime Minister President and Commandant told the media, “Although Syria has not been what you might call cooperative with terrorists, still the suppression of terrorism is not a crime in Syria or in Russia, where law enforcement must be maintained.” He was referring in part to the bloody Western-backed terrorist attacks, particularly in the city of Homos, which have been decried by Dr. Bashar al-Assad and his pro-gay administration.
Meanwhile bomb happy misanthrope John McCain ordered the United Nations on the US Senate floor to carpet bomb Homos back to peace and property. “The only realistic way to achieve calm and happiness is with foreign air-power,” McCain said. “Through blessed air strikes the United States should lead an international humanitarian effort to decimate key population centers in Syria, especially in the North, West, East, and, ah, what was the last direction?” - the tortured old war pig asked us. Sheesh! How should we know?
We think McCain’s comments are pathetic. Not only are his words totally insane -- as the mad senator has said before that the world is too soft on war -- they are also a suicidal cry to finally launch the ever-itchy Apocalypse. McCain has also opined that the US should change its policies, starting with re-arming al Qaeda -- again. (more...)
The Reverse Holocaust is a term referring to a handful of hypothetical situations a variety of freewheeling philosophers like to occasionally throw around. These situations range from the metaphorical Reverse Holocaust, to the most literal Reverse Holocaust, and every Reverse Holocaust in between. Despite decades of arguing, philosophers of all camps have yet to decide on which situation is the objective "best."
Adolf Hitler kickstarted the Reverse Holocaust philosophy machine in the 1930s by implementing the Forward Holocaust, or "Holocaust" for short. This was a critical moment in philosophy history, and without it, thoughts of a Reverse Holocaust would just be a fevered dream of some redheaded madman.
It did not take years for philosophers to start deconstructing the Forward Holocaust to reverse it; in fact, the very first inkling of a Reverse Holocaust was suggested parallel to the Holocaust by Hitler's #2 Rudolf Hess. Hess was slightly uncomfortable with gassing millions to death, since some of his closest friends were Jewish (or at least he claimed every time he told a dirty joke), and proposed an alternate gas chamber where prisoners laughed themselves to death with nitrous oxide. (More...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that this section, though actually named Did You Know?, which attempts to give you factoids and tidbits about things you may or may not have been aware of, or known, is actually, by curious subliminal messaging wherein the sublime mind is taken and twisted to the will of the creator of the aforementioned section, advertising articles for you to read?
- ... that the most musical of the Insecta, Coleoptera are known for their tight, 4-part harmonizing and catchy melodies?
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In the news
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On this day...
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May 16: Independence Day (New South Wales)
- 1204 - Baldwin IX, Count of Flanders is crowned first Emperor of the Roman Catholic Church. He declares that all people from Flanders must be named Ned and say things like "Howdy Ho Neighborino", and "Okely-dokley"
- 1532 - Sir Elton John resigns as a Queen of England, takes new job as a Stately Homo.
- 1605 - Paul V becomes Presidentof the United States of Canada.
- 1770 - 14-year old Marie Antoinette marries 15-year old Mr. Potato-Head who later becomes king of Ireland. Two years later, the Potato Famine begins, as the new king refuses to allow people to grow and eat his cousins.
- 1866 - Monica Lewinski invents root beer.
- 1910 - The U.S. Congress authorizes the creation of the BATF. The BATF cracks down on drunken hippies in San Francisco the next week.
- 2007 - President George W. Bush dies after choking on his mispronunciation of the word "nuclear".
- 2008 - The Queen of England is declared emo by James Madison in his new book, The Queen and I. Sales soar through the roof. Later that day, with a tear running down her face, the Queen runs a straightblade across her wrist, telling herself that "It's just a phase."
- A long, long time ago - The tyrranic reign of intergalactic emperor Palpatine came to an end in a galaxy far, far away.
- 2009 - Ross declares love to Stephanie Rae in front of millions.
- 3004 - The government finally decides to assist Hurricane Katrina victims, despite the fact that the actual event occured a thousand years ago.
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