Millennials (formerly christened Generation Y) are the generational cohort born roughly between the birth of AIDS and the Spice Girls (or 9/11 if you go by fatter definitions), who are or aren't the spawn of Baby boomers and older Gen Xers, did or didn't experience the "Nuthin' Nineties", did or didn't survive the Iraq War, do or don't vape, and are forever caught in an emotional quadrangle of economic despair, constant putdowns from their elders, crippling student loan debts, and shell-shock caused by the prospect that they will have to work until the day they drop dead.
Millennials appeared at just the right time to witness the economic and political golden age of the 1990s, but were not quite old enough to enjoy the rave scene — unfortunately, the rug was yanked out from them all too soon, as the excessive abuse of avocado toast and the economy (often simultaneously) presented their bill. Despite being in their 20s and 30s, many still only make minimum wage, reside with their parents, and rarely reproduce — although sleeping in their childhood bedroom, with its Thomas the Tank Engine wallpaper and a Star Wars-themed single bed, is as big a passion killer as regular visits from "mummy", just in case either partner had become "hungry" in the last seven minutes.(more...)
1914 - A male servant of American architect Frank Lloyd Wright sets fire to the living quarters of Wright's Wisconsin home, Taliesin, murders seven people, and burns the living quarters to the ground. It's believed the servant was on fire and just in a huggy mood.
1947 - Ganja Gandhi rapes Mountbatten and molests him so much that every British bitch leaves India.
1963 - Buddhist Monks protest South Vietnam government's discriminatory policies which favor Catholics by lighting themselves on fire and hugging the Archbishop.
1975 - Three members of the Fantastic Four are hospitalized with third degree burns after the fourth member, Johnny Storm, takes Ecstasy.
2001 - Strawberry Jesus is born to the virgin mother Penny Bain, and his disciples celebrate this date each year as Clock Day.
2002 - Hug People While You're on Fire Day is partially negated by Hug People While You're Wet Day.
2013 - While self-immolation was previously used as a protesting tactic to voice "Hey, this is bad!", it now thrives as Poland's national sport, bringing in revenues of over 53 euros annually.
