We, at the illustrious 9/11 Commission Report panel, have a deep understanding about the concerns the citizens of the World obviously have regarding that fateful day in History. Furthermore, we believe that the official explanations we published in our doorstopper deserve to be simplified here so that even you lowly commoners can understand. We are very aware that numerous conspiracies have emerged in the last few years, so we'll also attempt to separate the wheat from the chaff. In other words, we, people appointed and paid extravagantly by the Administration to investigate, report and eventually expose said Administration will tell you nothing but the truth.
Two planes gratuitously highjacked by bearded guys flew right in the Towers after the passengers elected it was safer to remain idle and die in a horrendous crash than face the perils of trying to neutralize a couple of boxcutter equipped guys. It's also public domain that one of the terrorist was wielding crutches (he had an amputated leg) and another one kept the victims at bay thanks to a horrific Chucky doll. They politely asked the pilots to please hand them the commands and coach them a bit to begin with, while they inquired if the plane was equipped with an automatic or manual transmission. Unfortunately, not a single soul at NORAD noticed the planes changing trajectories on the radar because they were busy changing their Facebook status. Unlike the trigger happy FBI, they would never just murder a bunch of innocent people by firing into a hostage situation, particularly not in order to save a much larger number of innocent people.
The buildings were not brought down by explosives, which would happen to explain why the structures fell at the rate of gravity and why they were blown to dust. The janitors had been slacking on the job lately, that's all. The puffs of smoke that can be seen erupting from the Towers below the explosion line were caused by smokers grilling a last one just as the place crumbled. (more...)
... that Dutchmen and Dragons is a role-playing game where you can be a dude, a palindrome, a whizzer or other characters? ... and each character can have traits like awful good, neutered weevil or kaopectate? (pictured)
2349 BCE - The proto-badger, a distant relative of the weasel, goes extinct when Noah tosses the only surviving pair off the ark for stealing his yams.
942 - Weasel stomping in invented in Anglo-Saxon England.
1086 - The Domesday Book notes the average price of a stoat at 1 groat.
1490 - Leonardo da Vinci paints Lady With an Ermine, the first mustelid pre-photobombing recorded in the West.
1899 - Pop Goes the Weasel is licensed for every jack-in-the-box toy. Small children drive their parents insane playing the tune, leading to the Second Boer War.
1930 - Nazis adopt the Horst-Weasel song as their anthem.
1937 - The Spleen weasel is discovered in Paris, France, without rioting for a welcome change.
1938 - The Disney film Snow White is released in Europe with the song Weasel While You Work. Parisians take it personally and rioting ensues during the intermission.
2007 - A woman gives birth to a weasel. This will grow up to be the Antiweasel, signalling the end of the world. People will be forced to carry the mark of the Beast on their foreheads, which will be a weasel word, theoretically.
