Bureaucracy "No rest for the wicked," they say. Today had been the worst day of my life: my girlfriend had killed herself and stipulated in her suicide note that she was my long lost sister, with a PS that I should get tested for AIDS. Then I had gone to the clinic to get tested, and though I had come up negative, the doctor told me that they had accidentally used a dirty needle to take the blood sample, giving me a promotional brochure featuring many different medications that I would promptly have the privilege of choosing to fit my lifestyle.
Going for the Poo Lit Surprise Best Image with this one.
In the shade of her voluminous pirate hat, the receptionist glared at me like just one of the many other personal insults that she had to put up with daily. "Hi," I began. "Uh, the vending machine swallowed my coin."
644 - A prodigous comet appears in the sky, in the shape of a rock. The rock magically flies through the sky, before it lands in ancient Greece and kills a busload of time-travelling nuns.
1868 - French astronomer Pierre Jules César Janssen discovers helium. Initially, he had a difficult time explaining the gas producing process without evoking gales of laughter.
1969 - Godzilla tries to attack France, but has to stop in Tokyo to ask for directions.
1990 - Godzilla attacks Paris, humping the Eiffel Tower twice before being driven back into the sea.
1991 - Godzilla attacks Paris again, this time bringing flowers. The Parisians surrender to his radioactive charm, and an evening of bliss is had by all.
1992 - Godzilla once again attacks Paris, leaving fifty-three successive messages on the answering machine of the Ile de Cite, each one more angry and irrational than the last. Paris gets a restraining order. In a blind, drunken confusion, Godzilla attacks a department store in Rome. Mothra and Mechagodzilla are called to drive the heartbroken beast home.
1999 - Cape Breton declares an open nuclear war on the Y2K bug subsequently pounding it into oblivion. Eminent scientists have confirmed this fact as the reason why much speculation about the threat of Y2K was ultimately unfounded.
2006 - Way more people die than usual.
2007 - The Canso Causeway, forever asserting the will of mainland Nova Scotia against Cape Breton, is melted in my microwave.
2010 - Godzilla sends a passive-aggressive text message to Paris, asking if it wants its copy of High Fidelity back or if he should just throw it away.
