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Today's Featured Article - Brave New World

Brave New World

Brave New World depicts a utopian society of the future, one in which everyone is produced by cloning in a hatchery and forced into a caste system. British author Aldous Huxley (pictured) wrote it—after a vacation to America where he was terrified by American promiscuity, mass-produced consumer goods, sparkling teeth, and large portions at restaurants—as a counterpoint to the optimistic predictions of the future, such as 1984, that his contemporaries were writing. Somehow, Huxley has been able to work this theme into not only a story but an entire novel, and later, a children’s toy franchise; specializing in action figures designed to shoot out those little spring-loaded missiles that seem to disappear within a few days of purchase.

The book continues to be a staple of secondary education, as it lets kids read sexually fueled literature by an author who was high on every drug known to man, including soma and acid. It is a popular book assignment in high school due to its depressing philosophy, which a student can be assigned to convert into a ponderously long essay that could easily be the beginnings of a deeply depressing doctoral thesis paper or a teen suicide note to the beta pluses that never understood them at Mensa. The book itself gives useful help on ponderousness, frequently using sentences longer than the time it takes to sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl.(more...)

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Did you know...

Walrus in pain
  • ...that the WWF is the only "sports entertainment" organization endorsed by PETA and Greenpeace? (pictured)
  • ...the muffin man?
  • ...that torture is better to give than to receive?
  • ...that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
  • ...that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
  • ...that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
  • ...that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?

In the news:

On this day...

March 20: Procrastination Day (extends until tomorrow)
  • 1602 - The Dutch East India company is founded, paving the way for the trade of such goods as sugar, spices, human slaves, and additional sugar.
  • 1815 - After escaping from his exile in Elba using cheese, cocked berets, and other French sterotypes, Napoleon Bonaparte begins his "Hundred Days" Rule.
  • 1833 - Honest Jim starts his career out by selling his grandfather's false teeth back to him at nine times their original value.
  • 1852 - Hariet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin was published, setting racial equality back for an estimated two hundred years.
  • 1864 - Dick Cheney gets bitten by a vampire. The vampires name is Wilfred Brimley.
  • 1874 - Oscar Wilde does something noteworthy, then writes a scathingly witty entry in his diary about it later that night.
  • 1883 - Eleven counties signed the Paris Convention for the Protection of Industrial Property, strictly outlawing the trade of ideas, dreams, and mind-control paraphanelia.
  • 1914 - The first international Figure Skating World Championships take place in Connecticut. The losers maintain their dignity.
  • 1984 - Dungeons & Dragons hits a new high note with the introduction of the Stock Broker playable character set, including Briefcase of Monotony and +2 Ballpoint Pen.

Today's featured picture


By popular demand, the National Pet Association has released a new guide for the best household chemicals to use for exploding your dog. Caveat Canem, indeed.

Image Credit: MoneySign
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