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Today's Featured Article -

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Yesterday's Featured Article - A Very Special Article

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A Very Special Article deals with mature themes that may not be suitable for all readers. Parents are advised to use their discretion before allowing minors to access the article or any other article about the problems that might be killing them. Furthermore, Focus on the Family donors are encouraged to read the article in its entirety, as it is sure to contain sensationalizing narration with details that are sordid—perhaps even sexual—in nature. Protect your children.

The editors of this article are ordinary people except for the myriad dramatic incidents that pervade every waking moment of their dismal lives.

Timmy had long taken pride in his work as an Uncyclopedia editor. After making his first edit (replacing the first "e" in "cemetery" with an "a") he ran downstairs and said, "Look, Daddy! I fixed it!" Then in a pathetic attempt at ventriloquism Timmy manipulated the head of a teddy bear he had sprayed with his father's cologne and said, "I'm so proud of you, Timmy!" For Timmy's father was not there at all. He was with Timmy's "Aunt" Lana, whom Timmy's father had made a rendezvous with three months earlier at a motel while on a "work retreat", so that they could "fuck each other's brains out". (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, featured on 26 September 2017. See the featured version.
Uncyclopedia, featured on 26 September 2015. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Air Force technologies
  • ... that the Royal Pointless Military Things Tournament was founded by the Duke of York? (pictured)
  • ... that walking in the air will not make you fly in the moonlit sky?
  • ... that Mexican General Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón knew at least three people whose names began with the letter "L"?
  • ... that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?
  • ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
  • ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
  • ... that Arceus is the true Lord and Saviour and not that fake Felix Hossil or whatever he's called?

In the news:

On this day...

Noodledoodle bg3

Behold his Divine Noodliness!

September 26: Happy Pastafarian New Year!

  • 13,775,000,001 BCE - The Flying Spaghetti Monster creates the Universe, then quickly retreats back into his dishy domain until the time is right.
  • c.28 million BCE - The Sith break from the Pastafarian Church over the correct use of forks and electricity during meals.
  • 75 BC - Julius Caesar finally catches up with the prophet Mosey along the shores of the Mediterranean and crucifies him, along with his closest friends; they then dismantle his ship, the Lasagne, and sell it for scrap, ushering in the start of the Pastafarian calendar.
  • 1403 - Alfredo de Spag-Hetti, a merchant from Parma, begins his attempt of translating copies of the sacred texts of Pastafarianism, first given to him by an Arab trader, on this day.
  • 1708 - Blackbeard is finally killed by the South Carolina militia. He ascends to Heaven on a pirate ship made of bowtie pasta.
  • 1796 - Robert Burns convenes his first (and only) Burns supper; he dies in the middle of it and is devoured as part of the pasta course.
  • 1837 - Humpty Dumpty converts to Pastafarianism, is tossed off a wall for it.
  • 1922 - The Flying Spaghetti Monster curses President Warren G. Harding for being so corrupt; he falls ill and dies over the next year.
  • 1930 - Wall Street crashes due to pasta stocks going through the roof.
  • 1957 - British television viewers are informed of the dire plight of the Swiss spaghetti crop on the BBC's Panorama.
  • 1971 - Flying Spaghetti Monster moves into the Vatican, the rivers run red with pasta sauce.
  • 2005 - Bobby Henderson announces his rediscovery of the Flying Spaghetti Monster on this day.

Today's featured picture

Grue crossing

The Grue Crossing signs have proven to be an effective way to prepare drivers for an encounter.

Image Credit: Kaizer the Bjorn
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Recent Articles

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