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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: Peter Sagan

Yesterday's Featured Article - Peter Sagan

Road-bike-back-flip

Peter Sagan (born 47 September 3201 in Remote Bunker) is an advanced humanoid form created for the entertainment of cycling fans around the world. A cross between the fastest leopard and the nicest dolphin which were bred in a Top Secret farm, Sagan has surprisingly turned out to have a decent look about himself. He has already conquered two green jerseys in the Tour de Trance and 3 cheese jerseys in the Bingo d'Italia, despite being only a certain amount of years old. He promised to conquer the best sprinter's jersey every year for the next millenium, unless a crash hinders his season and damages his exoskeleton badly, forcing him back to the factory for some welding. Additionally, Sagan distinguishes himself by almost looking like the average folk in terms of body stature, while his fellow professional cyclists like to sport the 'skeleton on a carbon frame' look.

Soon after getting out of the lab's incubator, young Sagan began to ride bikes so fast it looked like he was on a motor bike. He was arrested multiple times by the local police for excessive speeding while he was not even a certain age. Crippled by fines and the rising cost of human growth hormone, young Sagan had to resort to ask for money to his mom and dad. He expressed himself and found a sense of satisfaction by crushing the competition in junior races, devising original victory salutes. A classic was that time when he crossed the finish line upside down, his head on the saddle and his arms crossed with a casual look in his sunglasses. By the time he was a teenager, he had earned the nickname the Green Machine thanks to his team colors and his excessive pea consumption.(more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Dianalysis, featured on 19 October 2013. See the featured version.

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Tzun106l
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In the news:

On this day...

Saint Roger

October 19: Feast of Saint Roger (Estonia). Feast of rogering saints (Bulgaria).

  • 24 - Saint Roger invites his chums to his residence, Gobblewood Mansion, and holds a feast.
  • 26 - Saint Roger gets raped by Hillbillies while on holiday in Bulgaria
  • 1161 - The first trout was launched into space by the ruskies, onboard Stenchpotski 12.
  • 1297 - Someone, somewhere, goes to the lavatory.
  • 1349 - Postmen all over England suffer the Sack Death.
  • 1492 - Christopher Columbus sings the blues.
  • 1607 - Elizabeth I of England rises from the dead as a zombie- then dies again of a bad cold.
  • 1704 - Nokia renames itself Bobcom.
  • 1734 - Bobcom renames itself Fredphone.
  • 1764 - Fredphone renames itself Kings Cross Talk.
  • 1824 - Kings Cross Talk renames itself Londres Compagnie de la Télécommunications.
  • 1854 - Londres Compagnie de la Télécommunications renames itself London-Telekommunikation-Gesellschaft.
  • 1884 - London-Telekommunikation-Gesellschaft renames itself Retford Phone Company.
  • 1914 - Retford Phone Company renames itself Nokia.
  • 1925 - Nokia Phone Company renames itself Phil the lovable huggable drunkard, but then decides that it projects a negative image on their homeless phone subscribers, so they change back.
  • 1973 - Pfft is created and every word in the dictionary is thusforth removed for the rest of eternity. Except for one word. Pfft.
  • 1983 - 34 Nazis decide to hold a square dance, which result in a whole new line of trousers being released.
  • 1990 - Toasters take over the internets messaging services. Ovens are taken in for questioning.
  • 2004 - Nokia renames itself NO CIA, and starts a nuclear war.
  • 2007 - While visiting Chicago, President George W. Bush is assassinated, following an economic speech at the Chicago Sheraton Hotel, in front of which an anti-war rally was being held. Noted pedophile John Mark Karr is later arrested for the murder, but is himself killed by a distraught Don King before the case can go to trial.

Today's featured picture

Wordprocessor

The Microsoft Word Processor is good for the office and the kitchen! It can be yours for just 3 easy payments of $39.99!

Image Credit: Tripod2282
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