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Today's featured article

Julius Malema is the leader of the African National Congress Youth League (ANCYL). This league is for young aspiring South Africans who want to become fully fledged African politicians. He is the reincarnation of many great freedom fighters and revolutionaries from different eras of Africa.

Traditionalism

Julius' multiple soul reincarnation is inconsistent with most theories of single soul reincarnation, but African revolutionaries don't like it when Western mythology, religion, ideas, laws, science, health care or education are forced upon them. The sangoma who facilitated the final stage of the reincarnation said that he believed Julius would be productive.

Julius despises all things Western and firmly believes they should be kept out of African society. Therefore, except for his designer clothes, his Victorian style home and his luxury German cars, he is a very traditional young African man.(more...)

Yesterday's featured article

The Fast and the Furious film series is an early twenty-first century series of street racing films produced by powerful idiot-flick conglomerate, Universal Studios. The first film, The Fast and the Furious was directed by Rob Cohen in 2001, and has since spawned an uncountable number of sequels that have little in common besides the odd recurring character to tie the films together into one franchise. There are currently plans to produce even more sequels in the future.

The Design and the Development

In 2001, Rob Cohen was watching the film Point Break with his girlfriend, a rare Keanu Reeves fan. While she was fantasizing about being with The One, Cohen was the one being bored out of his mind. Remembering his advice from his teacher at Film School, he decided to be constructive and thought about what he would have done to make the film better. After spending fifteen minutes analysing the film, he laid down a set of points that would comprise the greatest money-making movie-making formula ever designed. (more...)

Featured one year ago today

Golf War, featured on 13 December 2008. See the featured version.

Did you know...

  • ...that questions end in question marks? Not with periods. Or exclamation points!
  • ...that the Dark Ages were caused by a lack of bon-bon deliciousness to make everyone happy and stop killing each other with swords and crossbows?
  • ...that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
  • ...that Stereotype Reassignment Surgery is a newly invented technique allowing national, ethnic and social groups who are fed up with their current stereotypes to trade them with another group?
  • ...that Harry dies on page 1?
  • ...that the fate of the luscious island paradise of Porchesia was decided by one called 'Danny' who wiped out the whole island in between ordering groceries and watching videos on YouTube?

In the news

Screenwriter writes Halloween pitch.
  • Berlusconi undergoes facial surgery. Likely to look ten years younger.
  • The woman you are fucking passed away forty minutes ago.
  • Gary Kirsten presents his revolutionary methods of training for Indian cricketers.
  • Irish Church criticized for inflating the amount of abuses
  • Electrocuting cats creates controversy in Arizona
  • Girls Gone Wild in court again

On this day...

This is so cliché

December 14: World Cliché Day.

  • Long Long Ago - Some French guy misplaced his patent for creating the English language.
  • 1735 - Pie was discovered
  • 1911 - Welsh explorer Roald Dahl and his team become the first people to reach the Giant Peach.
  • 1929 - Hitler realizes he has very little time to finish his Christmas shopping, and subsequently freaks out while in line at Wal-Mart. Chaos ensues.
  • 1991 - Scientists first start working on Packaged Bread Without Crust™. For the next 10 years they will go to countless parties with other scientists and feel like they are working to find the cure for cancer.
  • 1992 - It was discovered that Bart Simpson ate my shorts.
  • 2000 - George W. Bush receives his first gay blowjob. In return for the favor, George W. Bush and his government maintain a very friendly line towards homosexuals.
  • 2001 - 10 years in the making, Packaged Bread Without Crust™ is finally introduced as a prototype to the Bimbo company.
  • 2004 The Kitten army begins to prepare for their mass masturbation strike for 25 December during the Human vs. Kitten War. Strike kills 250,000+ humans.
  • 2004 Post it notes claimed another victim in Paris. Rioting ensues. The PostIt-note war began.
  • Today - The first day of the rest of your life.
  • Tomorrow - Another day.
  • The Day After Tomorrow - It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
  • 2101 War was beginning...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

The Grue Crossing signs have proven to be an effective way to prepare drivers for an encounter.

Image Credit: Kaizer the Bjorn
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Recent Articles

Herod the Great | Noble prize for Mad Science | Dark Emergency at the Somber Hospital | I Am the Walrus | Lotus Notes | Euro for Your Vision | UnBooks:A Brief Overview Of The History Of The Papyrus Containing The Spell To Preserve Its Possessor Against Attacks From He Who Is In The Water And Its Role In Shaping Human History, Along With Alternate Versions Of History In Various Parallel Universes | Eminem (rw) | Polish language | Cleopatra | Butter (rw) | Robert Mugabe's Cricket Almanac | Essay in the Jones of text | Oedipus Rex Rides Again | HowTo:Write Colin Meloy Lyrics | Martin Luther King Jr. (rw) | Frida Kahlo | Black sheep | Albert Pike | Stephen Hawkings | Michael Holding | Unfomercials:Bulimic Barbee | UnTweets:Osama Bin Laden | Classical Satire | UnTunes:Confessions of a Telemarketer | UnBooks: My unusual relationship with a volley ball by the name of Wilson |


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Writer and Noob of the Month

Aboard the starship Event Horizon. Two men face each other for the last time. One of them, Miller, is trying his best to keep his last grains of sanity, quickly slipping away, while staring into the horror that is his adversary.

Miller: What are you?

Adversary: You know.

Miller: You want me to believe you're the Devil, well, I don't, that's bullshit!

Adversary: I'm not the Devil.

Miller: Then what, what are you? Tell me...

Adversary: Better if I just show you.

His hands reach down and he grabs Miller by the skull. Miller gasps as he sees a series of snapshots...

A news desk coffee stains, an old battered microphone, a bearded hulk, dirt under the rollers

Miller: NO!!!!

Adversary: I'm not the Devil. I'm much, much older. I watched the Beginning and I will see the End. I am the dark behind the stars. I am the dark inside you all. I am Zim_ulator

Miller: NO!!!!!!!

Zim_ulator: I'm not asking you to believe me. You'll see for yourself... and so will the rest of your Uncyclopedians. I'm going now to the other side, AND YOU'RE ALL COMING WITH ME!


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eh...hello? mommy? is that you?


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