Today's Featured Article - Lana Del Rey
Lana Del Rey (species: cantante melancholica) is an American singer, songwriter, and model, whose brand of melancholy has become an anthem of sorts to millions of effeminate men who dote on the songstress though none of them would ever ask her out on a date. Lana defeated Beyonce and Marina and the Diamonds for that honor, winning a fistfight on the grounds of Coachella in 2012. Her song Video Games spread quickly over the Internet among emotional teenagers and melodramatic gamers.
She has caused spikes in flower sales in cities that she performs in. During one of her shows, the lawn seats were covered with over 30,000 flowers after a performance, which surely owes to more than just the patrons' restless legs syndrome.
Lana Del Rey also influenced the 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges decision after releasing This is What Makes Us Gays, a song celebrating gender activism a few years earlier. Justice Anthony Kennedy said he was inspired by the song and gave her a "shout-out" in his majority opinion. Late Justice Potter Stewart emerged from the crypt to write a concurring opinion, stating, "I can't describe it but I know solid gold when I hear it!!!"
Her first album under her stage name Lana Del Rey, Born to Die, was released in January of 2012 and it received mixed reviews. Rolling Stoners called it "more fun than lung cancer", while more critical reviews called it "sad in an unintended way" and "worse than Smurfs 2". Later that year, Lana Del Rey released the Paradise EP along with her short film Tropico. The film unironically casted actors to play the parts of Jesus, Elvis Presley, and Marilyn Monroe in the opening scene, which perfectly predicted the quality of the whole film. 2014 saw the release of Ultraviolence and Lana's attempt to be taken seriously among songs such as "Saddest Girl" and "Sucked My Way Up to the Top".
Yesterday's Featured Article -
Did you know...
- ...that in Israel, chess sets contain rabbis rather than bishops? (pictured)*...that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ...that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
- ...that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
- ...that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ...that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
- ...that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
- Some allege life after Brexit
On this day...
July 28: National Fondue and Chocolate Day (Switzerland) (pictured)
- 1020 - Swiss man Arkov Chenbort accidentally drops chocolate into vat of fondue. Entire village enjoys snack.
- 1439 - A continent-wide fondue shortage in Europe causes citizens to whine, moan, complain, and otherwise be unhappy.
- 1794 - Robespierre is sent to the guillotine for declaring white chocolate the Chocolate of the Revolution...and for thinking July could be renamed Thermedor.
- 1956 - The first video game is introduced, allowing the player to move a dot to one of two locations on a projected screen using punch cards. Legendary gamer AAA makes his debut, setting the all-time high score of 13, which stands to this day.
- 1972 - On a trip to Vietnam, Jane Fondue is captured in a photograph that caused chocolate sales to soar, at least to her for a while.
- 1999 - After widespread internet rumors concerning chocolate shortages are proven to be false, many of the instigators are banned from the internet.
- 2007 - Bashing one's head against a brick wall is officially substitued for fondue and chocolate in some of the poorer areas of the world.