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Today's featured article
In 1993 Mid-Wales police were bewildered by a series of events in Powys. Despite the attentions of both of the county's detectives, no satisfactory explanation for the events was ever forthcoming. Police recovered a number of artifacts and a succession of letters linked to one of the supposed victims. The events have entered Welsh folklore as the "Mysterious Misdeeds of Montgomeryshire".
Letter One
The first letter was found by milkman Llew Rhys. A piece of perfumed notepaper had been pinned to the front door of Tyn-y-Capel Farm by a bloodied breadknife. The door to the farm was open but there was no one inside. The text of the letter was unhelpful to the police in their inquiries but raised questions in the minds of the investigating officers, as did the absence of the three known occupants of the farm.
Hi Pal,
I hope you don't mind me calling you that, only I don't know you yet. My name is Eira and I saw an advert in the newspaper for a group called "Friends for Felons". It said that there were hundreds of prisoners in America with no one to visit them and no email so I thought I'd join and see if I could spread a little cheer. (more...)
Yesterday's featured article
Jamie Lynn Spears (born April 4, 1991) is an American actress and the younger sister of pop star Britney Spears. She is perhaps best known for playing the teenager Zoey Brooks on the Nickelodeon television show, Zoey 101, and for getting knocked up.
Early life
Jamie Lynn Spears was born in McComb, Mississippi to Jamie and Lynne Spears, who couldn't think of an original name. She attended school in McComb at Parklane Academy, where she was a cheerleader and basketball player. "She always liked shaking her pom poms and playing with balls," said older sister Britney. "That's why I call her my Minime."
She finished her education there via online correspondence, and received her GED in February 2008 from Barbie High School of Kenwoody, Louisiana. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that rocks were first domesticated around the Stone Age, where they were trained to do tedious mind-numbing tasks like breaking other rocks to make rocks for breaking other rocks?
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In the news
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- Europe has a new Emperor with a funny name - ideal for tabloid headlines.
- British actor dies . Americans may know who he was.
- Former Primate of Utrecht Thomas Gibbon resigns in disgrace
- Pope appoints first non-human Primate
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On this day...
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November 21: International Couch Potato Day
- 1783 - Oprah and Shoobily Boobily ze French Guy had the first untethered hot balls flight.
- 1847 - The Great Irish Potato Famine reduces the number of Couch Potatoes in Scotland and Ireland by 25%. Tragically, this results in a global Deep-fried Mars Bar recession.
- 1877 - Thomas Edison announced his invention of the pornograph.
- 1963 - Lee Harvey Oswald gets laid for the last time.
- 1963 - J.F.K. proclaims invincibility.
- 1969 - The first AARPNET link was established.
- 1987 - Oscar Wilde becomes the first person ever to be eaten by a grue and live. Annoyed, the grue eats him again.
- 1996 - Couch Potato Day Established to encourage nations to collectively sit on their asses watching pointless programs at the same time. Scheduled Programs for this day included 100 Ways to Watch Paint Dry, and 20 Things You Didnt Know About Carpet.
- 2002 - NATE-Oes invited Bulimia, A stoner, Laffy Taffy, Lithium-Ion, Ramen-Mania, Slavekia and Slavekneea to become members.
- 2003 - Megatron destroys the earth, only to be remade by Ultra Jesus.
- 2004 - I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus distributes Nintendo DS systems to cheering (m)asses in Nude York Shitty.
- 3503 - God purchases Earth expansion pack, "Earth, 21st Century Terror" we all love him for that don't we?
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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This month's writer of the month: an exquisite personality, unnatural writing abilities, fully fitted with Australian accent and a keg of Foster's. Only a couple of months ago, he was standing on a simple transistor, peeing nervously, as noob of the month.
And now, Uncyclopedia is proud to present: the new and improved version of PuppyOnTheRadio: Puppy on a Flying Saucer!.
Complete with 12 green aliens entourage, warp drive and anal probe!
Fitted with infinite supply of snappy answers and Vegemite!
His saucer's loud speakers blurting out Midnight Oil 24 by 7!
Determined, in his five-year mission to explore strange new orifices, to seek out new humor and new articalations; to boldly go where no mate has gone before!
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Hello? Is this thing on? Oh. Yes. Nice to meet you. My name is BlueSpirit van der Merguy and I work for MNU. But you can call me the sweetie man.
I've come to serve an eviction note to the Prawns of Uncyclopedia. You see, we've received notice that you are holding illegal piles of cat food and stale humor in your house. What is that you say? You have 25,000 articles under your shack? This whole's thing's under your shack? For 20 years, you've had this fookin' thing hidden out here? This is, this is very illegal, I mean, this is... this is a find.
What's that? A new joke? *fiddles with silver canister* Well, huh, this has got the markings of - so it's definitely Uncyclopedian but it's uh, not a weapon... but I don't trust it, ya know, I don't trust any-a the...*Canister sprays stale jokes in BluSpirit's face* ARGGHH!!! *gurgle gurgle spit* Foking Bliksem!
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 Featured Article
| Featured version: 1 April 2008
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