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Today's Featured Article - Recently featured: Extension:DynamicPageList (DPL), version 2.3.0 : Warning: No results. Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's Featured Article - Grand Moff Tarkin Grand Toff Markin is an antagonist in the Star Wars franchise and the worst civil servant ever in history, as well as being the biggest toff. He is a textbook example of the weaknesses of the civil servant administrative system, who amassed great power after excitable Chancellor Palpitation renamed the British Empire the Galactic Empire. (more...) Featured today, a long long time ago Ares, featured on 14 August 2016. See the featured version. Noble gases, featured on 14 August 2015. See the featured version. UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap, featured on 14 August 2014. See the featured version. Jeopardy!, featured on 14 August 2012. See the featured version. Did you know... ...that Japanese ninjas are among those who have tried to find a way to get across the Great Wall of China? (pictured) ...that George Washington was an avid heterosexual? ...that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide? ...that $(\tan^{-1}((\frac{-5\pm\sqrt{5^2+(4\times3)\times2}}{2\times3}\div2)\div(\frac{-5\pm\sqrt{5^2+(4\times3)\times2}}{2\times3}\div2)))\times2$ is 8th grade math? ...that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection?(sorry Candace) ...that really fat people cannot wash themselves but must avail of car washes late at night? ...that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.

In the news: Kroger's sues newcomer Lidl Pamela Anderson refused sanctuary DC ballgame ends in deadlock Fox no longer fair and balanced (pictured) Tories augment their majority downward May says "enough is enough," voters agree May looks for new allies America leaves climate Accord NASA plans mission into the Sun 2017 Commencement Purpose Rain falls on Harvard campus Hillary decries era of deceit Gianforte gets 2 years for assaulting reporter NFL changes rules for '18 Australia to solve cocaine crisis by banning rugby North Korea to dominate world with tourism Unexpected global ransom-ware attack to be worse on Monday Trump to combine presidency and FBI job Pope trashes creationism ( listen) Second Front Pages: Brexit • Hillary! • Trump • UK 2015 election • Greece On this day... August 14: Brutal dictator appreciation day (Saudi Arabia & Jacksonville,Fl) Long time ago - Emperor takes over the galaxy in Star Wars (TM) 1844B.C. - Toast is invented 1855B.C. - Following the war of a thousand toasters, the recipe for toast is lost for over 3000 years. 1856 - Toast is rediscovered. 1857 - Toast is forgotten. 1880 - Cologne Cathedral in Germany, is completed. It smells great! 1923 - Start of the Dotcom Era. 1987 - A young explorer named Wally (Waldo in the Americas) is reported missing. 2001 - George W. Bush is "elected" by his daddy's friends to be president of the United States. 2005 - Ego is discovered to be, in fact, a dirty word. 2006 - Horizontal Line is discovered in your pants. 2007 - Vertical line is discovered in the inside of your pants. 2007 - Hitler is finally mentioned in Brutal Dictator Appreciation Day. Took long enough. 2008 - The first "sort of" black dictator introduced into the history of the US. People take to the streets with high hopes of a kinder, gentler dictator. 2009 - Nut and penis implants are invented 2010 - Nut and penis implants found to cause cancer. Some 1.3 million white gangstas are affected. 2012 - Dick Cheney dies because his cold blackened void of a heart fails. The world is finally safe. 3012- 1000th "Screw Dick Cheney" Day cancelled by Undead Bush

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