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December 17: International Talk like Jar-Jar Binks Day, Hairdresser Appreciation Day

• c.4500 BCE - Birds learn to improve their aim, making hairdressers a necessity.
• 1099 - God passes the Enforced Hair Styling Act.
• 1105 - Mohawks invent the Mohawk outside a Mohawk gas station near Mohawk, New York (Herkimer County).
• 1723 - Elton John is hatched in the basement of Benjamin Franklin after a failed attempt to clone a grue.
• 1862 - During the American Civil War, General Ulysses S. Grant issues General Order 11, expelling all hairdressers from Tennessee, Mississippi, and the Commonwealth of Kentuckistan.
• 1899 - Norway is invaded by evil molemen. Millions are killed in two weeks of slaughter as the molemen, under their leader Bert, systematically destroy all in their path. No one notices.
• 1903 - Orville and Wilbur Wright open their first full-service hair salon, with two wash stations and a stand-alone dryer. The search for a more powerful dryer motor would lead them to experiment with airplanes that could dry hair in ten minutes.
• 1989 - Fox debuts the animated series The Simpsons after the show's creators agree to cut a vaguely reptilian, lop-eared character with a bad accent. George Lucas adopts the rejected character and molests him for years before putting him in a movie.
• 1999 - We-sa no give a crap 'bout de new alien in-a de Star-sa Wars movee. He-sa bom-bad crappee!
• 1999 - C3PO now has competition in the annoying Star Wars character department.