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The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) is an American nonprofit legal advocacy organization that promotes civil rights in America by suing bad people into bankruptcy. Based in Montgomery, Alabama, it has won legal cases against white supremacist groups such as the Ku Klux Klan, for-profit prison corporations, and slumlords holding more than $100 million of properties needing $1 billion of repairs, along with bank accounts of tens of billions. The SPLC has determined that most American citizens who post racial slurs on social media are members of hate groups and other extremist organizations. It also promotes compulsory tolerance re-education programs for bad people.
The SPLC was founded by the reverend Morris Dees and sir Joseph J. Levin Jr. in 1971 as a civil rights law firm after Dees' earlier attempt to start a new religion named "Deesianity" failed to attract attention. This was due largely in part to the success of Unitarian Universalism having already taken hold several decades prior, and the rise of Discordianism. Civil rights leader Julian Bond served as chairman of the bored, until he resigned in 1979 due to boredom. Because old age is usually boring, especially the pain and suffering part.
Yesterday's Featured Article -
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Did you know...
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- ... that I hear voices outside my room? (pictured)
- ... that a hammer is a great diplomatic tool?
- ... although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
- ... the White House is really off-white?
- ... that Every Good Boy Does Floccinaucinihilipilification?
- ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
- ... that the Mayan colander was a drain on its civilization?
- ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
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On this day...
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April 22: National Try To Assassinate The President Day (United States of America), Mars Day (Mars)
- 1,200,000,000,000,000,000 BCE - The planet Mars is born.
- 1,199,999,999,999,999,999 BCE - The planet Mars loses all its liquid water, all life dies out although there's none, and the planet turns red.
- 500,000,000,000,000 BCE - The Big Bang thing happened although that tiny space carried the entire universe, and gravity was so strong, no bang could make that thing separate.
- 4,514,159,265 BCE - Earth becomes a hot lava ball in the middle of nowhere.
- 8000 BCE - Mars, the Roman god of war, is born. He is named after the planet.
- 1188 - The Earth cooled down and life multiplies way too quickly and ruins the entire planet.
- 1189 - Eleanor of Aquitaine announces that she would hang her necklace from her nipples, but rescinds her decision because "it would shock the children."
- 1420 - Johannes Gutenberg becomes a father. He names his firstborn son "Steve".
- 1468 - The Great Council of the Republic of Venice attempts to curb the power of the Council of Ten by cutting off one of its fingers.
- 1609 - Council of Antes declares that peas will henceforth be eaten with a fork.
- 1882 - First obscene phone call made; crude equipment mandates heavy breathing when careless whispers can not be heard.
- 1900 - Families all over the world clamor for Jell-O for their just desserts.
- 1962 - Lee Harvey Oswald fucks up his first attempt to kill JFK so badly the attempt goes unnoticed until 1986, when a remodeling crew fixes the bullet hole.
- 1970 - The Partridge Family thinks it loves you, but what is it so afraid of?
- 1970 - An Environmental Teach-In attempts to celebrate Earth Day. The event was a miserable failure because it was discovered that Earth was actually created on September 26.
- 1981 - A second failed assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan takes place, the shooter's motive being Reagan's films which the shooter declared "sucked".
- 1999 - Meatloaf declares that he would do anything for love, but under no circumstance would he do that. It turns out that 'that' refers to painting himself black and impersonating Al Jolson.
- 2002 - WWE star "The Rock" invents the ability to refer to himself in the fifth person, negating the need for the 1st, 2nd 3rd and 4th references.
- 2003 - A pretzel tries to assassinate president George W. Bush. The pretzel is arrested and later executed by garbage disposal.
- 2010 - Bill Gates logs on to Uncyclopedia and reads the Anniversaries page for April 22.
- 2022 - Darth Vader gets his voice box fixed after decades of agony.
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