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Today's Featured Article -

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Yesterday's Featured Article - Canadians

Timhorton10

Canadians are a bunch of super friendly, maple syrup eating, lumberjack, hockey zealots with big brown eyes and flapping heads. They all live in a cold, snowy place called Canada (not to be confused with Russia or Alaska).

Canada is not that different from America, besides the permanent winter and socialist medicine death panel politburo style of government. Canadians are ruled by a Prime Minister, who heads the chief death panel parliament. They have a Queen too who doesn't live there but they love her more than the Brits do. Also, they're friendly. They tend to sport thick Mullets so as not to be cold in hockey season (it's all business in the front party in the back dude... Eh), and t-shirts with "American beer sucks" slogans. Canada has had immigrants from every country in the world, except America, who have been put on Canada's "Do not board" list. All people have survived after giving them cookies, but everyone who has tried to pet them has been found dead, their bodies suffered something only Sarah Palin, could inflict, eh?

The male Canadian's antlers arise as cylindrical beams projecting on each side at right angles to the middle line of the skull, which after a short distance divide in a fork-like manner. The lower prong of this fork may be either simple, or divided into two or three tines, with some flattening. The antlers are useful for the carrying of beer cans in their plastic rings. The antlers are also used as dowsing rods to help the Canadians locate beer trapped beneath the ice that covers the vast majority of their habitat.(more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Ernest Hemingway, featured on 21 April 2014. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Nariz
  • ...that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (pictured)
  • ...that I am a schizophrenic?
    • ...and so am I?
      • ...me too?
        • ...shut up Frank, you're not even supposed to be here today.
  • ...that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
  • ...that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ...that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
  • ...that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
  • ...there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?

In the news:

On this day...

Romulan Thumb

April 21: Rome's Birthday (Italy) 1700 BC Emperor Palpatine kills Jamie Lynn Spears and then uses the Force to get Shmi Skywalker pregnant with Anakin.

  • 753 BC - Rome is founded by Romulus and Remus after building it in a day.
  • 754 BC - The Romulans declare an uneasy truce with the rest of the humans on Earth.
  • 949 BC - A group of Romulans unable to get dates known as the 'vool-cahns' decide to leave Earth and start their own planet.
  • 1349 - The Spanish Inquisition is not expected.
  • 1350 - A Belgian man expects the Spanish Inquisition, and is promptly beaten to death.
  • 1684 - Isaac Newton proposes the idea of "gravity". It is rejected by the non-seculars, and Newton is laughed at and beaten.
  • 1700 - Mr. T pities another fool.
  • 1792 - Tiradentes, a revolutionary who was leading a movement for Brazil's independence, is hanged and quartered in an exciting event at the Superdome.
  • 1836 - Sam Houston royally teabagged Santa Anna and his sleepy Mexicans
  • 1900 - Creamed corn is deemed just thing to spice up that Sunday dinner.
  • 1918 - French whores rejoice: "The Yanks Are Cumming" proves true and profitable.
  • 1943 - Inspired by American Revolutionaries, horses in France begin a campaign "No Mastication Without Representation".
  • 1944 - Horses in France receive the right to vote.
  • 1955 - Bob Hope decides this radio thing is old and busted. If only he knew.
  • 1966 - The Girl from Ipanema is discovered to be like a samba that, swings so cool and sways so gentle, that when she passes each one she passes goes "a-a-ah!
  • 2003 - Homosexuals finally learn to use a keyboard with two hands.
  • 2006 - April 21st decides to change its name to July 14th. July 14th does not approve and in retaliation changes its name to August 25th, and refuses to acknowledge the month of April any more - this leads to a mass surge in calendar production when everyone takes sides - April lovers stick to the original 12 month calendar, whereas July fanciers take up a new streamlined 11 month number. With pictures of kittens on it. Everything goes back to normal the next day when Mr. T pities April 21st.
  • 2008 - John Prescott admits to his bulimia being fraudulent after being caught on a 72 hour Pizza Hut binge.
  • 2009 - George Bush expects the Spanish Inquisition, and is shot by a Muslim.
  • 2010 - The Spanish Inquisition expects the Spanish Inquisition, and is promptly befuddled resulting in an impromptu tea/river dance party that leads to the very fabric of space and time ripping apart. The noitisiuqnI hsinapS meanwhile is not amused.

Today's featured picture

Driveby-giraffe

During the early to mid-1990s, drive-by giraffing was a major problem throughout Europe and Africa. Since then numbers have reduced, following a pact between rival gangs. However, they are on the rise in Los Angeles once again, particularly in and around the zoo, as African giraffe's attempt to reestablish dominance in their neighborhoods.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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