Today's Featured Article -
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Yesterday's Featured Article - James Hetfield
James "I think he's had a few jars already, in fairness" Hetfield is the rhythm guitarist, singer, co-founder, main songwriter, and table for the American heavy metal band Metallica. Known for his blazing fast riffs, most played using downstrokes, James has written some of the greatest metal songs in history; even the haters gotta agree.
Hetfield, who is of rural descent, has become a prime figure in metal thanks to his band's contributions to the genre, such as demonstrating to young metal bands what "selling out" means by releasing St. Anger. This was despite Metallica already being called "sellouts" when they did Fade to Black, and again when they signed to a bigger record label to release Master of Puppets, and again when they released a video for One, and again when they released the Black Album, and again when they cut their hair, and again when they did Load, and Reload, and again when they played with a symphony, and again when they did a song for the Mission Impossible 2 movie, and again when they hired a stupid therapist. You get it now? Like what Cliff said, "Fuck em all."
In fact, Hetfield is clearly some form of Superior Being
, with the ability to play 2.5 hour shows playing lightning fast downstroke riffs so that even Dimebag Darrell admits that nobody can touch James in terms of his downstrum. He sings like a demon
, with no hint of digital fiddling
at all. (more...)
Did you know...
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (pictured)
- ... on a semi-regular basis, Britain is mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
- ... that during his tragically brief lifetime, Harambe the Silverback Gorilla penned 19 novels and 74 short stories under the pseudonyms Stephenie Meyer and Christine Schutt?
- ... the US Postal Service delivered over 7.7 billion pieces of mail last year?
- ... and that unfortunately those started out as 5.2 billion packages and letters?
- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that walking in the air will not make you fly in the moonlit sky?
On this day...
December 13: Speak with a British Accent Day (UK)
- 10000 BCE - Ug Nug Fug Nug is born, the famous musician responsible for the creation of the violin and other various sexually orientated musical instruments (i.e., the sexualin).
- 211 - Roman Emperor Septimius Severus dies at York from eating spotted dick, unaware that it needed to be taken out of the can first.
- 1067 - William the Conqueror invades the previously uninvaded British Aisles.
- 1732 - The Royal Opera House opens at Covent Garden, London. Screaming bitches are heard from miles around which causes widespread riots.
- 1776 - Britain and its American colonies schedule a war over the word 'aluminium' even though neither has ever seen it.
- 1808 - Count Henrich von Flammenweffer invents lava as a way of preventing skiers from taking over his favourite mountains in the winter.
- 1852 - Elisha Otis invents the elevator in America and orders pour in from the UK. As people with posh accents there cannot pronounce 'elevator', they call it a 'wift' instead.
- 1939 - Adolf Hitler invents oral sex and asks his enemies to blow him.
- 1940 - The French blow Adolf Hitler.
- 1942 - No people born on December the 13th, due to National No-Birthdays Day. Experts attribute this phenomenon as having to do with a worldwide feeling of 'I don't feel like getting any ass today' in mid March.
- 1992 - Bob like pie.
- 2002 - Fraidai the 13th, Satan renamed Hell to "Bloody Hell"
- 2003 - Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein found hiding in a camel hole during Operation Bomb-The-Towel-Headed-Sand-Brigand, and captured.
- 2003 - SARS becomes the new iPod.
- 2005 - On the twelfth day of Christmas, My true love gave to me, A summons from the local JP...
- 2008 - Uncyclopedia is teleported into an alternate universe where this sentence did not exist. It will be returned to normal just now.
- 2012 - Dyslexic people celebrate that the world didn't end with the Mayan calendar yesterday. Everyone else is still nervous.