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• Mike Pompeo sent to the Saudis (pictured)

• Paul Allen joins Norwegian Blue parrot

• Russian rocket blows

• Out of Shithole Africa film to go ahead

• Britain learns to play Chequers

• Mike Pence submits to enhanced bullying

• Republican Party buried with full military honours

• If you meet an oligarch on the road

• Dolphins upset with Trump's 'anti-flipper' comments

• Trump given a Russian bodyguard

November 14: Brobdingnagian Word Day, Super-Ultra-Mega (SUM) Excitement Over Nothing Day, Jokes That Don't Make Sense Day (Albanina)

• 1337 - People first come up with the idea of substituting letters with numbers which look similar.
• 1812 - Everyone keeps fainting. World Diabetes Day established.
• 1837 - Most Annoying Creature ever Award Society is set up by Mr T.
• 1840 - Claude Monet is born, causing clouds everywhere to faint from his impressive impressism.
• 1933 - King Kong climbs, humps Statue of Liberty.
• 1964 - Mary Poppins receives the Castro Award for vocalizing the brobdingnagianest word ever. Unfortunately, her award is later revoked by the staff of Websters on the grounds that Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! is in fact not a word but a surrealistic painting by Herman Brood.
• 1975 - Flying Squad officer Jack Regan gives a slag a proper kicking. Now SHUT IT!
• 1998 - Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra marry in Las Vegas, marking the beginning of the "ugly bride marries hot bride" craze.
• 2005 - Tom Preston purchases John Lennon's testicles in an online charity auction, for £20,000, with the intention of creating a clone.
• 2010 - World switches to metric time. The hourglass is rendered useless.