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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d articŁ∑

Today's Featured Article - Accident

Spdcamcrash

An accident is an undesirable event that could have been prevented with planning, intelligent management of circumstances, and swift action.

Scientists who study unintentional injury avoid using the term "accident" (in favour of the more precise terms "mishap" or "cock-up") and focus on factors that increase risk of severe injury and that reduce injury incidence and severity. This does not seriously reduce the incidence of accidents ("Don't Kill the Job!") but makes accidents more pleasant.

Accidents can be serious, like choking to death on a chicken nugget, or funny, like the accidental deployment of an air-bag when your car hits a speed bump. Accidents can be a trigger for new think tanks, new laws and new inventions, such as triply reinforced Depends. Accidents are also a good reminder that, despite the rhetoric, humans are, and will always be, stratospherically dumb.

Physical accidents include motor vehicle collisions, falls, touching something sharp/hot/electrical, ingesting poison, or having a deleted email from Hillary Clinton. (more...)

Recently featured: Accident

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Did ¥øu k∩øw...

*...that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
  • ...that compromise is a great diplomatic tool?
    • ...although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
  • ...that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
  • ...that compromise is a great diplomatic tool?
    • ...although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
  • ...that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?

I∩ th∑ ∩∑ws

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Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!UK 2015 electionGreece

Ø∩ thi∫ da¥...

Baphomet

August 29: International Androgynous Goat-People Observance Day

  • 328,987 BC - at 4:02pm Goats Evolve from Dolphins.
  • 240v AC- Electricity became the new fad in tribes.
  • 33 AD - St. John of Patmos has a wet dream.
  • 1189 - Ban Kulin wrote The Charter of Kulin, which was later banned.
  • 1490-something - Chet Columbus lands in Ohio.
  • 1862 - Second Battle of Bull Run. This time, Bruce Willis is brought in as lead actor in an effort to stimulate box office sales.
  • 1924 - The cheeseburger is invented in Cheeseburg, California
  • 1927 - Helen Keller is born but doesn't even notice the difference.
  • 1942 - In response to World War II, ham is invented. Winston Churchill proclaims it "One small step for man, one giant leap for breakfast".
  • 1942 - Famed restaurant the Grease Hut opens it doors for the first time, collectivly clogging arteries across the nation.
  • 1956 - In a remote corner of Canada, nothing happens.
  • 1972 - Pringles, the first tessellating potato snack, are invented in Leicester by mathematician Dr Julius Pringle in order to save storage space in his tiny kitchen.
  • 1999 - The War of 1812 is fought by several confused historians. Albert Einstein is the special guest referee. Soundtrack available from Arista. Shown worldwide on Pay-Per-View. Presented by Snickers. "Hungry? Why Wait?"
  • 2005 - The Gulf Coast experiences light rainshowers and a moderate breeze.
  • 2006 - The Antichrist comes, wearing a miniskirt.
  • 2008 - The individual presumed to be The Antichrist was in fact the new Republican Party publicity director. Seems they dress in similar fashion.

Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d pictur∑

Thermopylae

Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.

Image Credit: Mhaille
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R∑c∑∩t ArticŁ∑∫

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Strauss and Howe | Cartoon Network (r/w) | Billy Joel (r/w) | Tim Berners-Lee (pictured) | Saturday Night Fever | Anarchy | Theresa May | Tim Farron | Benedict Cumberbatch | Melania Trump | Courtney Love | Pokémon Go | Pets | Lapwing | Brexit | Glastonbury Festival | Dog (r/w) | Stradbroke (r/w) | Hotline (disambiguation) | Worcester, England | Canon (camera) | Rolls Royce | Accident | BMW | Ares | Audi | Lana Del Rey | Bird (rw) | Edexcel | Manchester NH | Springtime writing contest: Lemonade | Boaty McBoatface |


Møre r∑c∑∩t articŁ∑∫ | Mø∫t wa∩t∑∂ pag∑∫ | R∑qu∑∫t∑∂ r∑writ∑∫ | Add tø ∫tub∫ | Łø∩∑Ł¥ pag∑∫ | P∑∑ R∑√i∑w | Tr¥ writing abøut...

Writ∑r a∩d ∩øøb øf th∑ Mø∩th

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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