KNOW YE ALL PEOPLE by these presents that His Royal Highness King John the Second, King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain & Northern Ireland and Emperor of Canada, DOTH DECREE as follows, TO WIT:
Article the First. A free person shall be free to walk freely the King's forests without fear of bears.
Article the Second. A free person shall have the right to pay taxes to the King.
Article the Third. It shall be free to go to church every Sunday.
Article the Fourth. The King may be recalled by free vote of free people, if he wishes.
Article the Fifth. A free person shall not be obligated to perform compulsory military service, unless the King requests.
Article the Sixth. The King shall not send emails that look like messages from eBay or PayPal.
Article the Seventh. Fox hunting shall be lawful again.
Article the Eighth. The King shall not hold a free person in a Jail or Prison for more than one year without criminal charges being laid.
Article the Ninth. All public transit shall be free.
Article the Tenth. The King shall publish this Magna Carta on the King's LiveJournal site and shall furnish a free copy to every Judge and Magistrate of the Realm on television.
SIGNED this Third day of November, in the Year of our Lord Two Thousand & Twenty-Nine, in the First year of his Reign, by his own Volition under Duress by His Royal Highness King John the Second, King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain & Northern Ireland and Emperor of Canada