Magic Johnson
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“You know why they call me Magic? When we're having sex, you're really happy. Then after, you find out I have AIDS and get really sad...the change in mood is damn near magic!! GET IT!?!?!”
~ Magic Johnson on his nickname
Magic Johnson (11 B.C. - 1999 A.D.) is the name of a magical rubber penis from the Beta Region who came to Planet Earth in a plutonium age-preserving vessel in 1436 and survived on a diet of rabbits and whole turtles until the English settlers arrived. His head is so enormous that he couldn't even fit inside Pamela Anderson's flaccid vagina (which is, according to some sources, wider than the Grand Canyon).
Magic Johnson can sing, dance, rap and "get jiggy wit' it", and is a level 100 arch-Mage with penis staff capabilities. He also likes to hump random people's legs. When he gets hard, sometimes he tears through the ceilings of homes, and has had to pay over $500,000 in fees due to home ceiling damage.
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[edit] Early Years
In 1943 Magic Johnson became the first Magical Talking Penis to be elected as a Supreme Court Member in accordance with Section 2.4 of the Court Charter signed by none other than Wilson Chung , which declares: "...and hereby do I proclaim, no man, woman, dog or penis shall be restricted the right to the Supreme Court or US Presidency, as deemed appropriate."Magic Johnson has a sidekick name Wilson Chung They be faggot to each other and are both partners and each day they try to see who can be the most gay by jacking off with their puny johnsons.
In his first few years on the Supreme Court Senate, Magic Johnson was indeed a magical penis, with his partner they traveled to places far unknown. He was voted the Faggot's Dildo and also once ate Dick Cheney's son which toke Wilson Chung's virginity.
[edit] Controversy
In 1945, Magic Johnson made the mistake of being the only Supreme Court member to oppose the bombing of Nagasaki, Japan. He was kicked out of the Supreme Court by president Hoover Vacuums, and became a homeless drug addict. Living off of used beer bottles (which he filled with pee and later drank, and sleeping on male porn magazines he found in the local gay bar garbage.
[edit] Rap Career
In 1984, Magic Johnson changed his name to Magic faggot because Wilson thought it was for the best ,but the name didn't last for long as Wilson took the name himself. Some people called it profane and "unnecessarily crude, even for a big giant cock."
In the same year, he released his self-titled debut rap album, Magic Urethra Is Coming 4 U, which caused worried parents to criticize his act. "I don't want my kids seeing penises wearing leather jackets and smoking marijuana," said California Governor P. Enis. "I mean, what kind of influence is THAT?! I don't want to walk in on my Bobby some day and see him with his dick hanging all out, rapping about bitches and ho's. What would I say to something like that?"
Johnson's career as a rap artist was disappointing at best. His album sold only two copies worldwide, both of which were delivered to someone named Marshall Mathers A.K.A. Eminem.
[edit] Eminem Controversy
In 1986, Eminem allegedly stole a hook from Magic Johnson's song, Fuckin' Dem Bitches Up with My Enormous Ball Sack. Johnson took Slim Shady to court, but the case was thrown out as being "not notable," according to Judge Herman A. Wikipedia Editor.
In 1987, after years of ill fortune, Magic Urethra changed his name back to Magic Johnson and cleaned up his gangsta rap image -- re-surfacing as a child-friendly Magical Happy Talking Penis.
[edit] Work with Children
In 1994, Magic Johnson shot his mom which was actually Wilson in disguise because he liked to cross dress. He flat out banged dat bitch till she couldn't stand up, of course he had always banged her in that way. Later, due to Paris Hilton calling him gay, he had a sex-change operation and changed his name to Elton John. Then, he starred in a love flick between himself, Rick James and Yung Buc. "He suck me so good," said Jet Li; he loved it.
Unfortunately Magic Johnson was struck by a moving Seminal Fluids Carrier in the Antarctic in 1999. His remains were scattered over a naked woman.
[edit] Star Wars Involvement
In 1977, Johnson was credited for giving the rebellion 3 crucial tips on blowing up the Death Star, with his Instructional movie,Blowing up the Death Star with Magic Johnson. Loaded 44s on the low where the cheese at Fresh off the jet to the Jects where the Gs at What you know about that? what You Know About That?
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