Magic
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Magic
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[edit] The Understanding of Magic
Magic, commonly acknowledged as the best invention since sliced bread, sliced bread being invented four years previously, can be used to aid the the explanation of pretty much anything. Common magic, such as those birthday cards that sing when opened, and Complex magic, such as laptop computers, can be used to explain something that one does not completely comprehend, for example, Wikipedia. In general, people who have difficulty understanding technology can use this as a fully functional and believable explaination for how things work, whilst masking their stupidity.--David Bowie 02:06, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Magic
Magic is the ability to use cheat codes or hacks in the real world. A list of the most notorious real life cheats has been compiled. Its source is the awesome but unpredictable power of 3. It is often confused with Magick, which makes use of the base 13 power of the number 42; and majik, which is just plain silly. Magicians are tricksers, actors of make believe, thus they are satanic because they are all lies! If ghosts are the work of human magic or the devil's work, either way, it's evil lies!
There are numerous methods you may explore if you want to dabble in magic, f.i. rituals, spells, incantations, magical items, magical animals, etc. But some caution is needed. Magical animals for one may be quite annoying and cause you significant trouble with the powers of Evil. And most magic rituals are designed to make you look silly, rather than bring about the result you strive for in an expedient manner.
[edit] Government and the Philosophy of Magic
Magic may be viewed, in philosophical terms, as anything which stops working if people stop believing in it. This allows a sharp differentiation from Science which continuse to work regardless of the belief structure that surrounds it. A simple example of this is money: The dollar in your pocket is a piece of paper. In intrinsically it is is worthless but if enough people believe it has value then their products or services may be purchased using it. This then provides it a form of extrinsic value and the effect is that money has value. Remove the belief in it and the dollar plunges. This has been amply demonstrated in the past. Science is easily demonstrated thus: Find someone who believes they can levitate. Take them to the top of a large cliff. Tell them that science says they are wrong, but if they are right they should step over the edge. Watch them plummet and note it down as a large step forward in understanding.
NB it should be noted that to do the above demonstration properly you need to have large scale belief in their ability to levitate, so using someone such as Uri Geller or other popular miracle worker is more effective and may be viewed as a huge step forward.
What you may ask has all this to do with Government? Well I said you may ask and I was not lying, so go ahead and ask it. Okay well the answer is that if we all stopped beliving in our govenrment and believed really hard that they were just a bunch of useless wallies (with no connection to the name wally) then the government would vanish in a puff of logic.
The president, prime ministor, king of chief panjandrum issues an order. The person nearest says, "sorry were you talking to me?". When being told yes the listener then refers them to a therapist whom they can pay to listen to them. Note no government actually takes place in this example despite the first step being the same as if people believed in government.
[edit] Magical Butterflies
Magical butterflies are a horrible type of butterflies, that must be destroyed. It is simple to kill them. All you need to do is find one, and squash it. If you enjoy killing magical butterflies, join the KGB (Kill the maGical Butterflies). If you would like to know more about magical butterflies, and the KGB, ask below this.
[edit] History
Magic was patented by Sir Isaac Newton along with Copernicus in 1973.
It was actually invented by the Queen of Magic (David Bowie) but Newton overheard the Queen talking about it to Tony Blair during a limbo party on board Ringo Starr's Yellow Submarine. Newton used gravity to beat the Queen to the patent office and thus he now receives a small royalty-fee whenever a spell is cast.
The Queen of Magic was first a Full Metal Alchemist who began to be sick of her life. So she decided to try and get rich quickly by inventing the Philosopher's Stone. Yet only failure came as time passed on, and she was getting pretty desperate. During one of her experiments, she distilled her own urine, creating the cheat code for fire in real life, in other words, the Magic of Fire.
Magic has long been associated with The Gout, a magic related disease.
The largest accomplishment of magic was used in the year 2020 to create the species of dolphins who then traveled back in time in order to have sex with themselves.
[edit] Magic Tricks
The first magic tricks were rather simple. One of the most famous ones consisted of taking your left hand and bending the index finger in front of the left thumb. The right thumb would be folded underneath the right hand and out of sight. You would then bring the two hands together and then apart again, making it look as though you have torn off your thumb from your right hand and then brought it back together. The trick was a sensation.
For the next two-hundred years, thumb severing tricks dominated the magic scene. The invention of the severed thumb in a box fooled audiences for over fifty years until one spectator accidentally tripped while watching this trick and saw underneath the box and noticed a hole in the bottom where the magician was placing his "severed" thumb through. The man's name was David Copperfield and many suspect that the supposedly "accidental" trip was actually planned as before the fall he loudly said, "Well this trick sure is boring me. I'm just going to walk away and try not to trip and fall on these marbles that I accidentally dropped earlier."
The newest form of magic tricks is STREET magic. This is generally performed in the street and uses magic. Coins take on an enormous amount of magic (See Government and the philosophy of magic above), since they were invented little kids have been making them disappear from pockets. Finally one guy had enough of getting tied to a pole and getting his money stolen that he thought of a wonderful idea doing magic on television that would make him some money. Unfortunatley making money was prohibited and the TV was not invented. That plan was scratched and he made income through hanging upside down in a straight jacket. His name was "Harry Houdini" He was later named 'pussy' because he died from a boy punching him.
[edit] Magic: the Gathering
Magic: the Gathering is a large event held each year during the first week of July in Boise, Idaho. M:TG is an event where geeks, nerds and men still living with their parents gather to swap cheat codes and to learn new ways of cheating. At the end of the event, the attendees engage in the sacred act of the Hokey Pokey beneath a giant pair of sacred water faucets. This is the origin of the famous M:TG.
[edit] Use in the War of Rock
The renowned Captain Beefheart famously used magic in this holiest of mineral-based wars to destroy losers on both sides.
[edit] Magic
Its the ability to do things that are invisible to the eyes. Meaning, you make something believable, even though it may not be something thats real, in order to entertain.
