Macon, Georgia

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Downtownmacon

Downtown Macon.

Macon, also known as The Hood, is, um, well, something in the U.S. state of Georgia. It is widely known for its jazz singers, and for being the birthplace of the New Way Weiner. And the ghetto. The city has many old, historical buildings, most of which have three stories — two fewer than they had when they were built. Macon has many tall modern buildings, which were built long before most of you who are reading this were born, or were old enough to give a damn.

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Macon, Georgia.

edit History

Some time in the early parts of a long time ago a man from Atlanta that we will call bob, set out from Atlanta to settle other unknown parts of Georgia. Bob was a lonely man, as you might have noticed, and wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of a long time ago Atlanta. So he put on his pine shoes and set out for the trek South. He walked maybe three hours until he was so physically exhausted from the fucking Southern heat that he collapsed and lay there for 47 minutes. In that time a mosquito bit him. No one knows what disease that mosquito was carrying, but it packed a wallop.

When he came to, he decided that this would be a good place for a town, and pulled out his trusty rusty pickax. He chopped a bit of the surrounding trees until he could build a structure. And so he did. A tee pee. He wrote a sign that said " FREE ADVICE 5 CENTS ." That wise man. He waited. He waited. Yes he waited all of ten seconds, and got to the end of his ADHD line. He got up and outta Macon, got some of his friends and they went to his new city, then called "(bob's) TOWN." When they came up on it they saw a native. They came up on him, he was clearly untamed. Bob asked his name, he said it was C. Jack Ellis. Bob immediately saw this as an opportunity to show his friends his leadership skills, and appointed this man mayor. That wise man.

Some stories say hundreds, some say tens of years, but whatever the case, Macon has stayed about the same since it's creation. It's much bigger, but as far as commerce and leadership goes, it's the same old pile of crap it always has been. And the natives think it's the greatest place on Earth, maybe that is because they have no way to travel to other parts of the country. Or for that matter, the state.

edit Population

Helicopter-Venom esmall

Most residents of Macon brag about the many aircraft that fly oer there from Robins Air Force Base being in Macon, albeit it being in no such place, and happily proclaiming so.

Macon's population consists of over 90,000 mostly old white people, who spend their days sitting on porches and griping about the crime, and the weather, and how there are so many dirty, nasty black people about (although there are actually more old white people like them). There are very few young people, as most of them have been killed or seriously injured in car wrecks caused by drunk driving. Macon's population has declined lately, and no one knows why; some say it is because more people are moving to the bigger city; others say it is the crime and litter, or the ghosts of the Indians who used to live there, clearing out the deadwood again.

edit Demographics

Macon's population is very diverse, 74.12% black, 3.96% white, 1.88% Native American, 0.66% African American, and the rest are Fags that live on the street next to those huge, cold chunks of concrete you find all over Macon, of which Maconites call "buildings". There have also been reports of Sasquatches in the area, but most people just say it was Ted Turner looking for another corporation he can buy. That greedy bastard.

edit Cityscape

Macon street

An average Macon street.

Macon's skyline has remained unchanged since 1976, when one of its tallest buildings was built (a whopping 12 stories). The charmingly rustic concrete sidewalks retain the chips and cracks of nearly 50 years of history, and are lined with the genuine refuse of Macon's 5,800+ convenience stores. Macon is also home to the largest copper dome in the world, built by Ted Turner (who'd you think?) in 1988 as a hiding place for his vast collection of important documents. Today, the classic architecture and Doric columns of the Macon City Auditorium, as it is now known, host cockfights, ritual exorcisms, and performances by amateur country and rock and roll musicians from Macon, such as Jason Aldean and Kelly Pickler.

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