Mace Windu

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The character of Mace Windu is strikeingly similar to Jules from Pulp Fiction (1994). The "token black boy" is so important in today's Hollywood vision.

Mace Windu is a self-defense aerosol created by United Defense, which combines the defensive properties of 12th century weaponry with the renewable energy properties of air. It is also the nickname of a claymation penguin popularised in British Comedy (see Pingu). It can be used as a snake repellent, however, only while being used on a plane.

Mace Windu is now a collector's item and piece of historical memorabilia as it was first marketed as the free toy with every Happy Meal during the Cold War.

Mace Windu as an Avian Snake Repellant

Some fans may have the heard the name referred to in George Lucas' series of race hate propaganda films Star Wars'. Just as vinegar is useful as a make-up remover and window cleaner (as well as a condiment) Mace Windu is particularly effective as an avian snake repellant and due to its size and weight can be easily concealed in casual clothing.

Following verbal feedback from many Mace Windu users, a warning was clearly placed on the can, intended to prevent shoppers from fucking their mothers.

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Despite its easy concealment properties, Mace Windu™ ain't gettin on no plane unless there's a shitload of snakes.

Mace Windu as a Police Corruption Deterrent

Following the successful use aboard planes, Mace Windu and it's promoters delevoped the idea of it being an antidote for reptilian dominance - naturally, the Police force was the most obvious transgression for the product to take.

It was found that when deployed right at the heart of the police force (typically the 8th storey of the local headquarters) Mace Windu™ was able to expose one of the largest police pension scams in the history of hostage negotiation.

It was observed during this period that Windu™ was undiluted by conventional gaseous weapons like tear gas&trade, though as the entire debaucle wound down it was observed that piercing the can (and thereby de-pressurising it) is not an effective method of deployment. However, as seen at the height of the pension scam drama, government hostage negotiator Kevin Spacey was able to shoot a bullet&trade right through the outer casing and no-one was hurt.

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Mace Windu being demonstrated on a nursery school field trip.

Mace Windu as an Educational Tool

As Mace Windu was readily available to youths in the late 1970s, Education Secretary's hung up their typewriters and decided to implement it into the national curriculum. Children worldwide were taught the proper use and concealment of Mace Windu™ to deter any potential threats. With childhood obesity becoming a global crisis, the use of Mace Windu was employed (somewhat hypocritically) in fast food chains worldwide. Morgan Spurlock conducted an experiment in the romantic comedy Super Size Me whereby he would eat McDonalds food for 30 days and maliciously Mace Windu any employee who offered him the option of 'Super-Sizing' his meal.

This led to a series of Bad Influence killings. Due to their frightened state of awareness children commonly mistook the prefix 'Mc' to mean 'something that will make me fat and therefore might harm me'. The tourist trade of Scotland™ suffered greatly at the hands of this simple mis-conception.

Mace Windu and the British Public Smoking Ban

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Mace Windu: when applied orally reduces cigarette cravings by 100%

Mace Windu is one of the punishments due to be administered to unruly pub landlords who refuse the obey the Smoking Ban. Desite being the cause of the Great Fire of London and the 'Troubles' of 1970's Northern Ireland, smoking is still proving to be a popular British habit.

However Mace Windu, in its completely harmless liquid state has recently been revealed to be an effective (albeit extreme) form of Nicotine Replacement Therapy. It is currently available on the NHS and is recommended for the use of the elderly, mainly because of the current ban on euthanasia.

The Fall of Mace Windu

The product was discontinued. A terrorist plot that occurred this year led to a tightening of hand luggage controls at airports that were deemed 'threatening' to America, which prevented flyers from carrying bags, clothing, food, insulin, small children and liquids (although Mace Windu is harmless in its liquid form).

However, due to its being a compressed gaseous compount and its relatively low likelihood of combustability, many were allowed to bring it on board, a move aimed at pacifying the hysteria amongst flyers caused by certain vile propaganda. Mace Windu is now regarded as a subtle joke between terrorists and airport staff when bringing hazardous munitions and toxins onto a commercial, US-bound aircraft. They simply nod, wink and say 'It's only Mace Windu' and the resulting hate-mongering disaster is carried out guilt-free.

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