Mace Windu

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The Mace Windu collectible action figure included with La Royale with cheese in your Happy Meal.

Mace Windu is a self-defense aerosol created by United Defense, which combines the defensive properties of 12th century weaponry with the renewable energy properties of air. It is also the nickname of a claymation penguin popularised in British Comedy (see Pingu). It can be used as a snake repellent, however, only while being used on a plane.

Mace Windu is now a collector's item and piece of historical memorabilia as it was first marketed as the free toy with every Happy Meal during the Cold War.

edit Mace Windu as an Avian Snake Repellant

Some fans may have the heard the name referred to in George Lucas' series of race hate propaganda films Star Wars'. Just as vinegar is useful as a make-up remover and window cleaner (as well as a condiment) Mace Windu is particularly effective as an avian snake repellant and due to its size and weight can be easily concealed in casual clothing.

Following verbal feedback from many Mace Windu users, a warning was clearly placed on the can, intended to prevent shoppers from fucking their mothers.


Despite its easy concealment properties, Mace Windu™ ain't gettin on no plane unless there's a shitload of snakes.

edit Mace Windu as a Police Corruption Deterrent

Following the successful use aboard planes, Mace Windu and it's promoters developed the idea of it being an antidote for reptilian dominance - naturally, the Police force was the most obvious transgression for the product to take.

It was found that when deployed right at the heart of the police force (typically the 8th storey of the local headquarters) Mace Windu™ was able to expose one of the largest police pension scams in the history of hostage negotiation.

It was observed during this period that Windu™ was undiluted by conventional gaseous weapons like tear gas&trade, though as the entire debacle wound down it was observed that piercing the can (and thereby depressurizing it) is not an effective method of deployment. However, as seen at the height of the pension scam drama, government hostage negotiator Kevin Spacey was able to shoot a bullet&trade right through the outer casing and no-one was hurt.


Mace Windu being demonstrated on a nursery school field trip.

edit The Fall of Mace Windu

The product was discontinued after a terrorist attack on The Emperor led to a tightening of hand luggage controls at airports that were deemed 'threatening' to The Empire, which prevented flyers from carrying bags, clothing, food, insulin, small children and liquids (although Mace Windu is harmless in its liquid form).

However, due to its being a compressed gaseous compound and its relatively low likelihood of combustibility, many were allowed to bring it on board, a move aimed at pacifying the hysteria among flyers caused by certain vile propaganda orchestrated by the competitors of Malaysia Airlines to force them into resetting their counter of days since losing a plane. Mace Windu is now regarded as a subtle joke between potential terrorists and airport staff when bringing hazardous munitions and toxins onto a commercial, US-bound aircraft. They simply nod, wink and say 'It's only Mace Windu'. Besides, using pepper spray or a taser against robots and dudes in armor isn't even PG-13, unlike some of Samuel L. Jackson's best lines in his more memorable roles. Who would watch a war movie for children that actually looks violent anyway?

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