Macaque
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“FUCK ME HARDER DADDY! HARDER! HARDER! OH YES!”
“Probably my life-size autographed replica of Ron Jeremys penis. I got it at PornoCon 03. I bet you didnt know they make those things are grape-flavoured. Well now you do.”
“The other day I found a sperm flavoured lollipop at my favourite sex shop. Most sperm flavoured products use artificial flavouring and have a nasty "fake" taste. This one was imported from Italy so it used the real thing. It was far too expensive but I had been a good girl that week so I thought Id treat myself. Right outside the shop I lost my grip on the slippery thing and it went through a strom grate. A policeman was nearby and I offered to suck his cock right there if he would help me get it out of the storm sewer but he just laughed at me. I had to wait until night fall and then crawl into the sewer. I was bitten by a rabid raccoon down there but I found my lollipop so it all evened out in the end”
“MHAILLE CAN SUCK MY DICK”
How else are they going to find it?
“I like playing with macaque.”
“I don't know why, but macaque loves little boys the most.”
“I don't get it, what's the joke here?”
Macaque is a very odd and strange thing; people have tried to study macaque, but to no avail. It is for this reason that macaque has been blamed for many unfortunate occurences, including your daughter's unexpected pregnancy.
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edit Physiology of Macaque
As described by your mom, macaque is a hairy, limp creature, with many pockmarks and strange freckles about it. Macaque does not like to be tocuhed by anyone else, and in fact, has not been touched in many, many years (except by me). Macaque has a special attraction to Vaseline and lesbians, though its favorite is by far, the pussycat. Ah yes, macaque loves to play with pussies. But its strange behavior can only be attributed to its complete lack of self-awareness, as put forth by Charles Darwin:
| Just thought you should know, madam, macaque cannot be responsible for his own actions. | 
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edit Fun with macaque
There are many different ways to play with macaque, including, but not limited to grabbing, pulling, stretching, licking, and/or rubbing macaque. Sometimes macaque appreciates this, whereby he lets you know by spitting a thick white fluid at your face. If not, macaque just gets limp and uninterested. It is at this point that you must back away, for macaque can quickly and unexpectedly lash out in full force. Overall, most scientists, as well as most women, will tell you that macaque is best left alone, but if you like living life on the edge, there are always a few easy steps to protect yourself:
- Always make sure macaque is wearing a condom - you never know, macaque is a wild thing
- Don't touch macaque's head, it's the most sensitive part of him
- Never put your needs before macaque's
- Make sure you give macaque lots of attention, remember, he gets easily uninterested
- Never question macaque's size or prowess
- If you are kissing macaque, or otherwise touching it with your mouth, make sure you don't bite it
- Under no circumstances should you ever bring another macaque into a macaque's kitchen
edit Things macaque is not
Macaque is many things, but even he has his limits.
- Macaque is not your personal love-puppet
- Macaque is not yours to play with
- Macaque is not limited to one playmate, macaque reserves the right to play with others at any time
- Macaque is not minty-fresh, or even remotely clean; there's no reason for you to assume it is
- Macaque does not like hairy pussies. Please shave your cat before letting it play with macaque
- Macaque is not 100% reliable; satisfaction is not guaranteed
edit Related topics
