MTV
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“Hey, remember when MTV played, like, music? ...Yeah. Me neither.”
~ Oscar Wilde on MTV
“Music? What's that?”
~ Not you on MTV
“MTV is shit.”
~ Captian Obvious on MTV
“I want my, I want my MTV...”
~ Dire Straits on MTV
MTV like, so rules. Dude, you gotta check out when that guy in that costume flips off the shopping carts and shit. Man, that's like so how I'm gonna be someday when my parents like un-ground me and shit. They're like, so fucking lame. They say if I get another C on my report card I can't take the car out anymore. Oh my generic diety.
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[edit] History
Dude, they like used to play videos and shit. Then they got on the Real World with those whack people. Man, I wish I got to live there and like drink beer and party on the beach. They got some fine-ass chicks that like dance in bikinis. That's how it should be everywhere, man. I want to get like a case of Bud and go dance with them. You know what I'm sayin? Then I'll like pass out and the tide'll like drown me.
Kurt Loder's like kind of old, right? But he's, what's that word? He's like wise. Yeah. He's all like telling about the news all the time. Like when Lindsay Lohan was getting chased by those reporters and shit and flew her car into a lake and almost drowned. Then that awesome Tom Cruise hooked with that totally awesome babe Natalie Portman. But then they tell about political and globalism stuff too like bombs blowing shit up in Iranistan because of 9/11. That was like totally a downer. But it's not like CNN that's like "duh, we're going to go to a four-hour congress speech and fucking bore all our viewers to death." Loder's like "Shit, here's the fucking news and let's cut to the new Bizkit."
Alot of teenagers nowadays wonder why MTV stands for music television. Because nowadays all they show on MTV is reality shit.
[edit] Diversification
I remember like when I was five and my older brother used to be playing MTV all the time and all they had was those videos that were like short movies but they didn't make any sense. Like some guy is singing and his girl's dancing and some homey comes and takes her and then he's singing again, but then it just ends and the guy is just like standing there with his guitar all sad and shit. Or there'd be like a bird flying or something that didn't make sense.
Then they had that show with Jennifer Aniston looking all hot and shit. She'd ask these guys questions like "spit or swallow?" then the guy would answer and if he got the right answer he got to sleep with the chick. I forget what it was but it was awesome. Then on the Real World they'd get in fights and throw stuff. Man, that's how I'm gonna be. I'm gonna lay down some ground rules when I get a pad of my own.
Then they had that show called Parental Control where the parents try to break their bitch daughter up with her douchebag boyfriend by introducing him to some nice guys, then the guys get their freak on, but she always, like, just stays with the douchebag because she likes being treated like shit.
Then they got Al Green who like pulled pranks on his parents. That was awesome. You know, before MTV became a HUGE oxymoron. (Music Television)
And now like, there are these bitchin' sweet videos with shit and stuff with like shortys shaking their junk all over the joint. And black guys with gold and shit disobeying authority and being cool. Dude, after my parents get me through college, I am totally gonna go ill and be a nigga. W3ST S1D3!!! LOL. But like there are also these videos where a really hardcore guy is all sad and shit and his inner sadness comes out as a flock of dark lonely crow souls and tears of blood drip from some weird looking tree. It's deep shit. Nigga.
[edit] Criticism
"Squadala! Were off" MTV has turned into RTV , reality freaking Tee Vee. What the point of it all?
[edit] Religion
So, once MTV stopped being about music, they started concentrating on money. I mean, smart move, who needs music and originality, when you have a SHITLOAD of MONEY!!! MTV recently announced that the station would have an official religion. The plan is to pick up all of the celebrities that aren't scientologists. They have not actually picked an icon or anything to worship or any philosiphy. When further questioned MTV said "We'll just make up some random shit with space aliens or something. Whatever kids like nowdays is fine with me. To be honest with you, I don't know what they like anymore. First they like rock and roll, and then its some black dude with dreadlocks and autotune. It doesn't even matter anymore, because the kids are so brainwashed. I mean, who the hell would want to watch celebrities talk about their houses. They're all like a puppet on my string."
There are possible law suits against MTV's new religion by the church of scientology. Scientology claims that if MTV makes religion for profit, they will be infringing one of Scientology's copyright laws, even though NOBODY gives a shit anymore about copyright laws. The church of Scientology and the church of MTV may not settle out of court, and if they don't, it can mean only two words. CAGED DEATHMATCH!!!
