MMORPG

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A MMORPG is an online game where you pretend to be yourself or someone or something else in front of a whole bunch of virtual "friends". Every so often, a contest is held to determine how realistically the player pretends to be someone or something else based on several criteria. The winner is the best pretender out of all of the contestants. Prizes may consist of experience points, virtual currency to "buy" a better virtual costume or virtual plastic surgery or virtual home furnishings, virtual costume items, or virtual home furnishings.

edit Round One: Appearance

Afuckingelf

Whoever is pretending to be this elf has a pretty good chance of winning this round.

In this round of the MMORPG, contestants are judged on how well they look like who or what they pretend to be. Winning qualities include the following: smooth, lifelike curves, realistic body proportions, and lifelike coloration. In the Elf MMORPG, for example, you pretend you're an elf and compete against other people on other computers also pretending they're elves. A good-looking elf has long, pointed ears, a short stature, a small frame, and weak arms.

edit Round Two: Talking

In this round, contestants walk around on virtual fields talking to other contestants. The judges rate the players based on how well they talk like the people or creatures they're pretending to be. Since most contestants don't have a social life, the top prize in this category typically goes to the much-hated, inexperienced newbie who only comes online to play once a month because he has too many real friends to play an MMORPG all day.

edit Round Three: Movement

In this round, contestants have to walk, run, jump, and dance around like whoever or whatever they pretend to be to the best of their respective ability. The players that exercise all the time outside of the MMORPG are at a disadvantage here because they usually have greater athletic abilities than their virtual characters are supposed to have. Fat people with nothing better to do than play an MMORPG also have a problem because their virtual characters are more athletic than they are. The Ninja MMORPG is a bit unusual in this respect. Since real ninjas had a life outside sneaking around on secret assassination missions, they have to move around during the daytime as if they're not a ninja. At night, however, they endured harsh weather, cold water, bitter food, and awkward postures to get the job done. For this reason, the Movement round of the Ninja MMORPG lasts the rest of the day and all night long.

edit Round Four: Home

In this round, the contestants' virtual homes are judged on how well they mimic the real homes of who or what they pretend to be. Because some people and creatures have an extremely wide variety of homes in real life, this round is sometimes omitted from an MMORPG.

edit Round Five: Lifestyle

In this round, contestants have to spend a virtual day and/or night doing whatever the person or creature would normally do. In the Hobo MMORPG, for example, the character has to beg for money and food, wander around the city, guzzle cheap alcoholic beverages, and sleep in a ditch. If the person or creature lives a double life, this round can last a long time. The winner is usually the newbie who actually has a life outside the MMORPG.

edit Round Six: Diet

In this round, the contestants have to eat the same things as whoever or whatever they pretend to be, no matter how bitter or vomit-inducing, and at least pretend to enjoy it. If your character can't keep down whatever they eat that's supposed to be a part of the normal diet, you lose this round.

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