MILF

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Ahhh . . .the joys of a MILF, truly there is no greater gift to mankind then a woman so desperate, and so very, very pissed off with her husband that she'd pay any attention at all to a person as special as you.

MILF is an internet-speak acronym for "Moment I Learned to Fish". While it should actually be MILTF, 'people on the internets' are what most humans would call dumb.

“What? C'mon, no quotes? fufufufu...”

~ Oscar Wilde on MILF

“Jordan, love, ya teas in't fridge!”

~ Aunt Bessie on Being a MILF

“Uuuuhh”

~ You on MILF's

“I'm an M-I-L-F, don't choo forget!”

~ Tori Amos on being a MILF

[edit] Example of Use

While not a cougar. Definitely, a mummy I'd like to fuck... Wait, what?

Here is an example of how 'people on the internets' would use MILF.

Azza4567 - 15 year old teenager pretending to be an adult.

Hazel O'Brien - MILF HAZEL O'BRIEN HAZEL O'BRIEN HAZEL O'BRIEN HAZEL O'BRIEN

c00lguy40: hEy w4nn4 d0 1t?
w4nn4 d0 1t: LOLz, do you like MILFs?
c00lguy40: H4h4 watz a M1LF?
w4nn4 d0 1t: Well Stephan. It means, Moment I Left The Flicks
c00lguy40: OMGWTFBBQ! Mom?
*c00lguy40 has signed off*
w4nn4 d0 1t: Now do your homework! And then take out the garbage, as you cum in my face till I can't see 
and fuck me 'till I scream.
*c00lguy40 has signed back on*
c00lguy40: Well that was somewhat nonsensical mother, and more than a little inappropriate 
if you don't mind me saying so. I'm off to bed now, see you in three weeks. P.S. Frankly 
I can now see why father left you...you slut.

[edit] Special Note

In Canuckistan they refer to MILFs as Cougars. This is due to the rampant beastiality that occurs there. In Germany, MILF is a popular brand of cat food. In Italy, all those "mama mia boys" may be the most popular MILFs in the world.

[edit] Were You Aware?

In the inarguably lamest team sport on the planet, Ice bowling, two MILFs are required to fill out a team. They also need a Best Friend Forever, which is near impossible to find in the Canadian province of Ontario. Cockz! Peniz! Zeckz!

[edit] Classic MILFs

A classic or current MILF? You make the call!

[edit] Current MILFs

Liz Claman
Meg Griffin
Ann Coulter
Miley Cyrus
Richard Dawkins
Tori Amos
Michael Buble
David Bowie
Jennifer Garner
Martha Stewart
Angelina Jolie
Bea Arthur
Stephen Fry
Belinda Stronach - cougar in MILFs clothing
Valerie Plame
Sarah Palin
Cher
Madonna
aunt bessie
Carol Vorderman

[edit] Controversy

She makes you feel funny in the pants region of your body.

There seems to be some confusion over what MILF actually means. Here are some of the mis-interpretations of it. While we all may laugh at the gullibility of these foolish imbeciles; we need to be fair, as it wasn't that long ago we thought John Fogerty was saying, "there's a bathroom on the right."

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about MILF.

And by 'we' I mean you.

[edit] The MILF Paradox

The MILF Paradox is one of the Big Paradoxs that have troubled philosophers and pornographers for centuries. Infamous deity Oscar Wilde spent several years of his Pentogram Period locked in a dark, perfectly-spherical cement room with a Hustler mag pondering this question - it is said that, if not for the MILF paradox, he would have used this time to cure cancer. It is unknown whether he ever found the answer to his question.

Other great thinkers have fallen prey to this unsolvable question as well - notably, Hitler was consumed with this in his last days, as his mate Eva Bronski began to reach MILFhood. Greek smartass Eduard Vangelis wasted away brooding over it, although some say that he actually found the answer to the paradox and subsequently died of laughter.

The paradox is thus: if one does not want to find a MILF, then they are no longer MILFs (They become MIWNLTFIAMY - Mothers I Would Not Like To Find In A Million Years). As such, you would very much want to fuck the ageing hottie, which in turn means that they are a MILF once again, as to fuck them you would evidently need to find them first, or just collide with them coincidentally while your penial-contraption was hanging free and erect from your trousers- and while this is eminently feasible for some of us, it is still statistically unlikely whichever way you look at it. However, as you previously stated that you do not want to find MILFs, they become MIWNLTFIAMY once again - and so on.

MILF? Not sure if she's a M but definitely ILF!

Currently, great minds Radek Bonk and Cripple Dude in Wheelchair are collaborating in their respective basements to solve this great paradox once-and-for-all. Godspeed, great thinkers, GOD SPEED!

[edit] Mike Is Licking Fungus

Some tattle-talers have spread some non-sense that MILF means Mike Is Licking Fungus. Those of us in the know however, know for a fact that it was actually Shane who licked the fungus. Though Mike was biting his toe nails at the time, so it's not like that loser is off the hook either.

[edit] Some MILFs are worth fucking

It is said that Osama Bin Laden wanted a MILF, so that's why he hid in a cave.

[edit] Moro Islamic Liberation Front

Unfortunately for the Philippines, the only MILF's the natives will encounter would probably behead all of them.

[edit] Me? I Live in Florida!

Typically this is the interpretation of the freshmen/women (aka frosh) at Florida State University (aka FSU). Most of these students go on to run for political office (aka work for the devil).

[edit] Mother I'd Like as a Friend

This is what a lot parents tell their children. Especially after said children have overheard their mommy scream "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" while she is in her bedroom with the paperboy.

[edit] More Internal Liquidizing Fun

This is the typical non-typical nerdy thing to say. They enjoy the gurgling sounds from the stomach during digestion. Unfortunately, you have to be fat to hear the gurgling for quite a long time. Fatties.

[edit] My Iguana Loves Fettuccine

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a misinterpretation of MILF but a whole new meaning for the term coined by Italian reptilian aficionados.

[edit] Minnows I Like to Fish

Not right.

[edit] Moment Islam Loved France

Hold on! bare wth me. Look, MILTF just sounds daft when you say it. Mil~tif. Aware of this daftness, they, John Ashcroft actually! chose a word to be removed and it was 'to'. Sooo 'to' was banished to (oh that 'to' is a rich cousin) the ___ Zone (add term like forsaken, sacred, forbidden or sandy and dull) like Max Von Sydow was in Judge Dread and tada! MILF is born.

Cast out 'to' later joins 'or' and 'the' plus a few others in an abandoned old ruined house where they dine on rats, Ashcroft's balls (ooh eugh pass the rat please) and drink stagnant water. Still afta av a laff guv aincha?!

[edit] Mothers I Like To Bend Over

“Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part. The Face first grows lank and Wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one.”

~ Benjamin Franklin on MILF booty

[edit] McDonald's Is Like Fucked

This place use to be good, until Colonal Sanders burst in and... wait, woops sorry wrong person!

[edit] Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor

Who doesn't love Disney MILF? Besides everyone?

[edit] Mom-to-be I Like to Fondle ya

Guys who are into the Pregnant fetish may well be into the MILF, imagine a hot looking lady but with a 8 months pregnant belly...it starts with the "feel the baby" or the classic tummy rub, then it gets more personal...