MIDI

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Midi interface

MIDI is a file format that tells a computer how to make something vaguely resembling music. It was invented by the Midianites in 1996, and was designed to annoy people on Geocities pages.

The acronym "MIDI" is an abbreviation of four Italian words. M stands for musicalle, I stands for irritazione, D stands for dove and I stands for interfaccia. It is very hard to translate this into English, for the Italian language died out in 1999. But soviet scientists have recently been studying the language in old books and pub quizzes. They have roughly translated it as: Musically irritating and where the hell is this interface?

How does MIDI work?

It is simple to understand. You buy a box called MIDI and connect it to an instrument of choice and a computer. This allows the computer to send information into the instrument. Music tech teachers will often lie about the real definition of this subject to keep themselves in work. Since they are working at a school it shows you that the music industry won't let them in, so they will do anything to reduce the numbers wanting into the industry. Don't believe a word they say!

Why do we need this device?

Well, I already explained it is so we can receive information from a computer into our instruments. But to go into more detail. Have you ever wondered how say: Jimi Hendrix, Steve Howe, Rick Wakeman and Dream Theater can play their instruments so well? It is because of MIDI. They simply ask the computer to create a brilliant tune to be played on whatever instrument they wish and the MIDI box sends this information into, for example, the guitar, and the guitar plays itself. Of course the musician has to pretend to be playing. Usually nobody notices, so once again the music industry survives.

Also this is how the band "The Pretenders" came up with their name...

Trivia

  • The Bible tells us that the Midianites were put to death for inventing MIDI: "And Jobriath said, o Lord, let them that hath brought forth this accursed file format upon our sacred internet, be cut apart, have the Holy Hand Grenade tossed unto them, and stoned with stones until they are dead."
  • All Dragonforce albums actually consist of MIDI files, not MP3s or other recorded file formats. If you think you hear singing in any of their songs, you are just imagining it and should see a shrink immediately.
  • Fall Out Boy does not know how to use MIDI, which is why their music consists of only three power chords.

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