From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Lynx is the main villain of the game Chrono Cross for a majority of the game's story. The character serves as the antagonist for the game's hero, and main character, Serge. Lynx's main goal in the game is to gain access to "The Frozen Flame," a powerful object, which can grant the user unlimited power. However, Serge is the only one who can access "The Frozen Flame," therefore setting Lynx up as his natural foil. Because of his one-track mind, Lynx is among the most understandable, and easy-to-follow villains in RPG history.
To get to know the villainous Lynx, you must first understand why he is some weird half-man, half-Lynx thing. It goes, as follows:
Serge, as a boy, was attacked by a Lynx. His father took him to a mysterious island to be healed, and happened to walk into the room holding the "Frozen Flame," the world's most powerful object. This is, of course, able to happen because the doors that are locked to stop anyone from accessing the Flame are electrical, and there was a power outage. Yes, a mere break in a circuit opened the doors to the most powerful object in the world to the first guy that walked past it. Regardless, when Serge touches the "Frozen Flame," it saves his life, and, as a minor side effect, he becomes the only person who can access this most powerful item in the universe. Everyone else was locked out of the room.
Needless to say, the former user of the Frozen Flame, the supercomputer FATE (The entity that more or less ran the world), was none too pleased with this. In order to win back its access to the Flame, it launched a scheme so complex and convoluted, it was bound to work! FATE decided to create something physical that Serge was afraid of, take control of this physical manifestation, and have it use Serge to its own advantage. Serge was afraid of Lynxes from his earlier attack, so, Voilà! We have Lynx. So, to answer your question simply, Lynx is FATE (a supercomputer) incarnate. He is also Serge's father...
edit The part about Serge's father being a cat
Yeah, technically Lynx is Serge's dad, Wazuki. In saving Serge's life, Wazuki went insane. Seeing his insanity, FATE decides to use him to its advantage, and uses his body to create Lynx. It would seem this process wasn't pleasant. There was some-sort-of gene manipulation, cross-species spermination, gender-neutering, and fur transplants just to name the beginning stages. Regardless, when Wazuki wakes up as Lynx, he is extremely pissed. No, not at FATE for doing this to him. He is pissed at Serge.
edit The reason why he is pissed at Serge, and not FATE. The "No-Plotholes" version.
edit Lynx: World's Biggest Dick.
To summarize to this point, Serge's father Wazuki was turned into the evil villain Lynx, whose motives and morals are controlled by the supercomputer FATE. This isn't to say that Lynx doesn't have some control over himself. While FATE controls his endgame, how he gets to that point is entirely up to him. So, while he is legitimately angry with Serge, and is compelled to murder him, FATE requires Serge to be alive for the time being. However, FATE does not dictate that Lynx should be nice to Serge, so Lynx takes out his anger in the only way he could: Being a complete and utter dick.
So, a grown up Serge begins his journey, and soon runs into Lynx in a castle. Lynx could very easily have just killed him right then and there, and been done with the whole thing. But he instead decides to poison Serge's girlfriend. Then he pushes Serge off a cliff, and burns down an orphanage. He then corrupts the benevolent leader of Serge's country, stabs said-leader in his back, stabs Serge's previously-poisoned girlfriend, erases all Serge's Friend's memories, allows an oppressive nation to take over his peaceful Utopian country, and banishes Serge away from all of his loved ones and into some weird 2-Dimensional World. Yeah, he could have stopped there. But if he had stopped there, he wouldn't have been able to later steal Serge's body.
And yes, he later steals Serge's body.
edit The plan involving Lynx stealing Serge's body
There is reasoning to this. FATE wanted to gain control of this powerful object, the "Frozen Flame." Serge was the only one allowed to enter the room it was in. In FATE's crazy, computer-brain, all it had to do was steal Serge's body, and have Lynx inhabit it in order to gain access to this object. So Lynx performed some magic, stole and inhabited Serge's body, and forced Serge's spirit into the body of Lynx. This was all a part of the convoluted plan that was mentioned earlier. The plan was actually stolen from FATE's data files by one brave individual, and goes as follows:
- Steal a young boy's body.
- Walk into a room.
It was later learned, however, that there was a malfunction in the circuitry between FATE and Lynx for one instance on the day the plan was hatched. Instead of receiving the entire plan, one crucial part was lost to Lynx forever. The plan that he received is as follows:
- Steal a young boy's body.
Yes, it seems that the simplest of steps in the plan was completely lost on our young feline villain. Without being programmed to simply walk into the room holding the "Frozen Flame," Lynx just figured that following his ridiculous theft of a man's body, he could start profiting.
edit Lynx profits, FATE is angered
Now walking around as Serge, and missing one part of the plan, Lynx begins to go on an epic profiting spree that hadn't been seen in their world since that one guy did that one thing. Still holding a grudge against Serge, Lynx decided it would be an even bigger slap in the face if he rounded up all of Serge's old friends onto a deserted island, pretended he truly was Serge, and partied with them for several months. Needless to say the true Serge was totally not invited.
At first it just began as a pretty fun time. There were some girls, some drinks, and free reign over the deserted island. But when one of Serge's old friends brought some cocaine to the party it all started to go downhill. Lynx hadn't been programmed to withstand peer pressure, instead finding that killing most everything that crossed his path to be a particularly effective form of dealing with that sort of thing. But, with his body-theft mission complete, his violent streak subsided. He was a reformed man-beast. A reformed man-beast who developed a dangerous and deadly coke habit. His downward spiral was but a formality. As his antics grew more wild and erratic, his friends went back to their homes. The girls left shortly thereafter. The evil villain who had it all, now had nothing. Nothing except that few ounces of cocaine he had nicked off one of his guests. But when that ran out, he was really alone.
At this time, the Supercomputer, FATE, was wondering why it hadn't won the game yet. Pretty sure that all of its plans had succeeded, FATE couldn't figure out why it didn't have access to The "Frozen Flame." And where that fucking cat was, it had no idea. Everything had succeeded. It was over. All Lynx had to do was walk into that damn room. But Lynx was nowhere to be found. For months, FATE searched for its minion. It wasn't until FATE started hearing rumors of an evil version of Serge hiding away on a deserted island that FATE was able to find Lynx. It stumbled upon this severely depressed and withdrawn wreck of a man deep within the jungle of the deserted island. As an evil man-beast, he had lived like a king. But now, living in the body of a man, he lived the life of a deranged hobo.
FATE eventually was able to make Lynx see the light. It also made him understand that the light didn't actually burn him on contact. After getting Lynx cleaned up, FATE gave him the full plan, and Lynx went to go open a door. With the help of Serge's stolen body, Lynx finally opened the door that would only let Serge's body in. Within it, he saw the most glorious sight; The "Frozen Flame" was really something to behold with the eyes. Lynx went to try and behold it with his hands as well, allowing FATE, the original owner to finally take it back. But suddenly...
edit Serge returns, also has his own body
It seemed that while Lynx was busy with his inability to control his self-indulgences, Serge (while still in Lynx's body) had the time to escape that 2-dimensional world, make new friends, defeat 6 Dragon Gods, and end the suffering of an entire race of people. He was then able to get his own body back. So now there were two Serges walking around, and one of them was apparently pissed at the other one. So-called body theft, or something...
Serge decided to get his revenge on Lynx. Not knowing much about Lynx other than that he sure did talk about the "Frozen Flame" a lot, he searched for it himself. And, by a ridiculous coincidence, the two happened to reach the door that holds the "Frozen Flame" within a minute of each other. Needless to say, fighting broke out. Normally Lynx could have ripped Serge to shreds, but his time in the jungle had left him a permanently changed man-beast. He couldn't attack with his usual fervor. His lifelong goal of winning his war with Serge falling out of his grasp, FATE decided to step in. Shockingly, Lynx was not FATE's true physical form, and Lynx suddenly turned into some sort of giant Mechanical Medusa. Tired of his greatest nemesis changing forms every time the plot got slow, Serge defeats the Medusa thing, and is able to travel off into the sunset of the game, quietly living out the rest of his life.
He was quite happy with himself until his Mother told him that the evil villain he had just spent years of his life hating, battling, and eventually murdering was actually his own father. Then he was sad.
edit In conclusion
So who was Lynx really? For the truest answer, we will have to use pictures:
| Quasi-Featured Article (17 October 2012)|
This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by a Beeble, it didn't make the cut (6/11). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
- ↑ SPOILER ALERT... That is, if you can actually follow any of this.
- ↑ The door's designer was later fired for his incompetence.
- ↑ Finders keepers to the umpteenth degree.
- ↑ *Cough*
- ↑ By...Downloading it's personality software into its brain? I'm not really sure.
- ↑ Seriously, shut up about this. It makes sense. Seriously.
- ↑ Option 1. Murder, Option 2. Murder, Option 3. Double-Murder, Option 4. Be a Dick, Option 5. Dandelions.
- ↑ Literally and figuratively
- ↑ Yes, that sounds just as stupid writing it as it probably does reading it, thank-you-very-much.
- ↑ It is believed that he was running on Windows ME at the time.
- ↑ Even after stealing his family jewels
- ↑ BUUUUURRN!
- ↑ One of the guests recalled the time he ate stir-fried Bolivian goat balls on a dare.
- ↑ And one 2/3 man, 1/3 Lynx...
- ↑ And more than a little confused.