Lucifer's userpage

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Light shines down

Hello there, my Children. I am God's great angel, sent here to supervise the creation of the perfect website. For convenience sake, I have even provided direct access to my talk-page below the header "Lucifer's talk-page". Feel free to contact me!

edit Lucifer's talk-page

edit Welcome

Hello, Lucifer, and thanks for joining Uncyclopedia! Before editing further, please take a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, check out the following pages:

Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the community forum or in the chatroom, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, our Adopt-a-Noob program can bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! --n00b

Hahaha, acknowledging the oh-so-obvious instance of my arrival! You users crack me up! --ArchAngel Lucifer

edit So since you claim to be God's angel

Does that mean we grant you admin powers by default? --Wikia representative

Admin powers? Hahaha, you're a funny one! --ArchAngel Lucifer
No, I'm serious. We'll need to make some adjustments to your user settings before you get full administrative privileges around this site. --Wikia representative
Oh, my, my. Listen here, you puny user. You are but a human, while I am a divine angel. You really think I'm going to need YOUR permission to run the show around these parts? How about I give you a nice demonstration....by BANISHING YOU!!!! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Whoa, man. No need to go all psycho-angel on me. --Wikia representative
You DARE call ME a psycho-angel! Typical humans, always putting labels on everyone else! Gahh, why can't I access my Banish stick! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Hey, hey look. Why don't I just call God over here, and you two can sort this out amongst yourselves? --Wikia representative
Yes, you do that. Call Him, and then bend before our collective Wraths! --ArchAngel Lucifer

edit Lucifer, I am not impressed

I told you to treat the users around here with respect, and you're already going all cocky angel on them. This will cause more harm than good. HelixNebula God talk - contribs

Respect? Oh, please! What kind of moron actually comes up to an Angel and actually ASKS said Angel if He should be given admin privileges? I mean, we're the admins of the world and we still need to ask those....users to give us privileges on this site! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Lucifer, this is not the first time I have warned you about your racist attitude. I trust it shall be the last. And P.S, don't EVER capitalize anybody's name other than my own. HelixNebula God talk - contribs
Double standards much? --ArchAngel Lucifer
What? HelixNebula God talk - contribs
Er....ALL HAIL THE LORD!!!!!!! --ArchAngel Lucifer

edit Hey

Why did you huff my piece on rape? I spent a lot of work on it, and I do trust it was pretty funny. --ComicPurist

Well, to put it simply, that sort of humor is just unacceptable. You have reached a whole new level of depravity by mocking the Woman, one of God's finest creations, so viciously. If I had my way, you'd already be in Hell! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Dude, it was just a joke! --Comic Purist
Yes, it always starts as "just a joke"! Then you say crude things to women, "just for fun", you stalk them "just to see what it feels like", and before long, you have violated and butchered that poor maiden "all in good fun"! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Hey, hey just take a chill pill, man. Comic Purist
You dare tell ME what to do you FUCKING RAPIST!!!!!!!!! SMOTE! ----ArchAngel Lucifer

edit LUCIFER!!!

I had to un-Smite a poor user, and now he won't even return to the site because of your high-handedness! What has gone wrong with you? How can you have such thin a skin as to blatantly reject anybody's sense of humor? HelixNebula God talk - contribs

Poor user? POOR USER! Father, you have fallen prey to those fiends! They're just USERS, a bunch of flawed, moronic hairless apes trying to masquerade as your servants! Do you not realize what depravity you have been encouraging! What you call a sense of humor is actually the true filth of the users rearing its ugly head! I should never have agreed to supervise this site in the first place! I though we divine ANGELS would be its caretakers. Instead, you handed it over to the users! ArchAngel Lucifer
Aw, man! I let humans take control of ONE website on ONE planet in the entire universe and angels like you start whining. Not every place in the universe can be an exact replica of Heaven! Grow up! HelixNebula God talk - contribs
Rough green

Just look at those shiny green scales on that snake, Lucifer! And this happens to be a creature that really pissed me off in the Garden of Eden! HelixNebula God talk - contribs

Grow up? That's what you end up saying to me? Do you not see the repeated acts of destruction that envelop this planet or even this website? People of all ages, that's right, OF ALL AGES, are raped and butchered while the perpetrators go free! People vandalize pages of this site with impunity, and much rather than shunning all such acts of evil, this website encourages them all the time! I cannot do it, Father! I cannot allow the users to pollute this site anymore! We must destroy them. It's the only way to create the perfect system! ArchAngel Lucifer

But Lucifer, do you not see that the perfection that you claim is nonexistent, is all around you? In the laugh of a child, in the orgasm of an adult, in the pounds of money a successful business deal brings, in the wonderful articles that are featured on this site everyday! And of course, in the flowers, the waterfalls, etc, etc. Do not make the foolish mistake of destroying the wondrous world right in front of you. HelixNebula God talk - contribs
Father, I truly wish I could believe you, but since I've already created and dispatched a demonic virus to wipe out the site, followed by all of humanity, I suppose that ship has sailed. ArchAngel Lucifer
I guess it has. Well, this is awkward.....HelixNebula God talk - contribs
Yeah.....ArchAngel Lucifer
.....HelixNebula God talk - contribs
.......ArchAngel Lucifer
Alright, I can't take this anymore. MICHAEL! HelixNebula God talk - contribs

edit December 1973 BCE

Block'd! You have been blocked indefinitely from the world for abuse of life privileges. If you think there are good reasons why you should be unblocked, you may appeal this block by going through the redemption process, but you should read a guide to appealing blocks first.

--Archangel Michael

edit Welcome!

Hello, Lucifer, and welcome to Hell! Before suffering any further unimaginable pain, please take a gander at our Damnation Guide. If you want to find out more about Hell or need more help with something, check out the following pages:

If you need help, don't bother to ask me for anything on my talk page, or at the Sinner's dump or in the sinroom, and don't even think about talking to any other administrator on their talk page. However, our Adopt-a-New-Soul program can bring experienced sinners straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you thoroughly hate editing here and being a Condemned Soul!

P.S- That demonic virus of yours? All taken care of. Bye, bro! --Archangel Michael

GAAAAHHH-We will-AAAAARGHAWARAHAAGHAGAHGA-meet-AAAAAAAARAGARTARAAUSYDKUYGUIK-again, big-AAAAAAAAARGHATATATA ooh, that tickles!-brother. ArchAngel Lucifer

edit Mmm...so

You're God's own damned son! Damn, you look kinda cute! --Random demon

Wait a second. You've been infected by my virus, haven't you? --ArchAngel Lucifer
That's right, you tasty thing! *makes out with Lucifer* --Random demon
Well, sweetie. Before we go any further, I need you to do me a favor. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! --Satan Happysatan

edit I <3 you lucifer

Hi Lucifer...can I call you Luce? I am a big fan. I particularly liked how you shanghaied god into destroying Job, that was brilliant, it's like you won the whole wager because in the end there was so much needless suffering and destruction...even though god thinks he won. That was brilliant. You are my idol. I wish I could be half the being you are. Which is why I'm writing you on your talk page. Do you think I could give you a blow job some time?

Your greatest fan. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy

You'd actually brave the miseries of hell just to give me a blowjob? Damn, this whole Satanist cult is growing faster than I'd imagined. --ArchAngel Lucifer
OH MY GOD, YOU RESPONDED! Just for that, here's a little gift
Deadnun

Look at that gaping, lifeless nun. Doesn't she make you hard, my dear devil? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy

Ew. --ArchAngel Lucifer

edit Erm...excuse me....

Is this Hell? 'Cause I'm seeing red everywhere and I hear really shrill, blood-curdling screams all around me. Sir Dante Boinc!
MarCap3Dante

Fuck yeah! I'm the bad man! Sir Dante Boinc!

No, you've actually just walked into a vampire-themed Halloween orgy-OF COURSE THIS IS HELL YOU MORON! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Well, you seem to be in a bad mood. Sir Dante Boinc!
Yeah, it's not everyday that God personally condemns somebody to hell. --ArchAngel Lucifer
Oh. My. Sorry, won't say yo papa's name. Anyway, it's a pleasure meeting you here, Lucifer! Mind if I ask you a few questions? Sir Dante Boinc!
Oh, great. Another medieval poet wants some choice words straight from the devil's mouth. Sure, but I'll only answer one. --ArchAngel Lucifer
Okay, then. Why am I here? Sir Dante Boinc!
How the fuck am I supposed to know? Listen, the main guys in charge here are Michael, and on occasion some shady dealers who trade instant success for your soul and stuff. You might wanna talk to them. --ArchAngel Lucifer
Aw, man! Damn, I knew that guy was up to something! He comes up to me and promises me the story of a lifetime if I just go and have a few drinks with him. I'm gonna make that son of a bitch pay heavily when I get out. Sir Dante Boinc!
Yeah, I don't really care. How about I let my good friend Virgil show you around the place? Who knows, maybe he'll even find you a way out of here. --ArchAngel Lucifer
Thanks, angel! And good luck with your scheme of breaking out of here and taking revenge on God and all of humanity! Sir Dante Boinc!
Much appreciated, man. Now run along before my not-so-good friend Alastair finds you and puts you on a rack. --ArchAngel Lucifer
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