Louisiana

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Louisianaboobies
The Louisiana state quarter.
State Flower: Lily pad
Official Language: Prawnsays, Prenchy Germish, Angles
Government: Hurricanes
Governor: Hurricane Katrina
State Motto: Parley boo prawnsay!
State Rock Tar balls
Location: The Boot
State Beverage Bathtub gin
Demographics Prenchy, Prench Pried Germans & Back Water Folk
Official Plant Gator

Louisiana is a relatively small state in the Southern US notable for its achievments in seafood, drinking, offshore drilling, voodoo, fireworks, Jazz music, violent crime, and roving bands of illegitmate children. The capital is Baton Rouge and the largest city is New Orleans, which is surrounded by the Gulf of Mexico to the southeast and swampy marshland and dark forests to the northwest, viciously guarded by Voodoo Queen Marie Laveau.

edit Namesake

Louis I. Ana, foreman of the three year job to build Louisiana with Louis and Anna, drunkenly signed his name into the shoreline (sans-spaces) in the year AD 900. 628 years later, Pánfilo de Narváez set foot in Louisiana to discover the rum-induced signature.

edit Geography

In third grade classrooms across the country, Louisiana is commonly referred to as the one that's shaped like an elbow and isn't Florida. Alternatively, it is the boot that isn't Italy. Regardless, in the Deep South, it's about as deep as it gets.

edit Food and culture

Morgan City Louisiana aerial view
A photo of Louisiana that does not include bare breasts.
“What is she doing in there? Ah no, she just yelled, 'Get back in that pot!' Why does it smell like a burning tire? I hope it's not what we had last night. There's something wrong with crawfish staring at it you while you tear it in half. It tasted like a flaming oil tanker. And here she comes... Oh god, they don't expect me to eat that, do they? There's a tentacle in there. Please don't give me the tentacle, please don't give me the tentacle, please don't give me the tentacle... fantastic. A tentacle. And a... I have no idea what that is. Why is she smiling at me? Oh god, I'm going to have to take a bite. Okay, just smile and choke it down. Spoon in... and I get the tentacle. Here it goes, *gugh-ugh, gahh!* Hmm... not bad. Not bad at all. Actually this may be the most delicious thing I have ever had in my life!"”
~ Husband visiting In-Laws on Cajun Food

edit Louisiana State University

“No joke, the Fighting Tigers are like the 1972 Miami Dolphins, only better because they're not old, unlike the USC Trojans, who are a disgrace and overrated.”
~ A typical victim of "tigarrhea"

LSU's awesome academic program prepares the graduate to move on to Wal-Mart, delivery for Domino's Pizza, and gas stations throughout the state. Alumni can be identified by a stupid-looking "Geaux Tigers" shirt and maybe two teeth. This sets them apart from other state residents, who have maybe two teeth but their shirts say something else.

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Tigarrhea is a disease that plagues more than 90% of Louisiana's population. Its symptoms include thinking that the Tigers are "the goodest thing 'bout Louisiana," and buying useless LSU shirts and other merchandise, especially if you never attended LSU. LSU Tigarrhea strikes the lower class and shall-we-say the state's not-so-smart.

Victims always have a good excuse for why the football team lost, again. They were paid off, the Coach was getting death threats, the quarter back had stomach flu, aliens came down and played the game in place of the Tigers, and no one told us we were playing tonight.

edit See also


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