Louis Althusser

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Althusser with his pet attempting to reify Althusser's indexical reproduction

Louis Althusser was a French Marxist known for perfecting color printing technology, who was heavily influenced by Jacques Lacan's black-and-white printing mathem and printing theory, while his students where trying to have a revolution. Besides inventing color printing, he also figured out how the self becomes the subject of the printer through the printer's interface addressing the self to constitute it, the operating self, as the printing subject.

Althusser was also fascinated with capitalism's ability to create large quantities of fish tacos and became the focus of his magnum opus "On the Reproduction of Capitalism: Tacos and Fish Taco Apparatuses". In this work, Althusser attempted to understand the vast complexities of the capitalist fish taco production system by observing the various apparatical deep fryers used in creation of these commodities. Appealing to Marx, Althusser decided that the fish taco was a magical entity that is the solution to color printing.

Althusser also had a pet rabbit, who Althusser named Georg Lukacs, that came up with the theory of reification. Later, Georg changed his name to George Lucas and made some of the most loved films of all time - the first Star Wars. Years later, Lukacs/Lucas admitted to the public that episodes I, II, and III were created as a joke for himself.

Thanks to Lukacs, the the average person makes one Star Wars film in his lifetime. This is a flawed study, because Georg Lukacs, who lives in a cave and makes 10,000 Star Wars movies every day, is an outlier and should not have been included.

edit Early life


His home, place of work and ultimately his tomb.

Born on 16 October 1918 in Birmandreis, Althusser was a product of his father who created him from a varied mixture, that no one has since been able to figure out, of flour, water, yeast, and a pinch of salt baked at 176.66 C (or 350F if you are one of three countries that use that method of measure) for about half an hour. As Althusser was pulled out of the oven and left to cool, he became aware of his petit-bourgeois surroundings and immediately started to hate them. It is thought by many other Marxist theorists that if we knew exactly the proper ratios to make more Althussers from variable household baking products in combination with social labor (even in an exploitative laboring environ), we would be in a much better socio-political status today. But, since we haven't been able to figure it out, and the Marxist Cook-Book being lost due to kids preferring the Anarchist edition, we will be doomed forever to slave away for subsistence wages in a world dominated by bourgeois ideology.

Althusser, after his ten years living in a spa, wrote "On Confusion in the Thought of G.W.F. Hegel" in 1947 while being supervised by Gaston Bachelard who was also quite confused by Hegel's alien writings. This writing, and many others of Althusser, would go on to later perpetuate the French confusion of whatever the hell Hegel was writing about. The advising from Bachelard wasn't very helpful to Althusser since Bachelard was quite a lonely single man who focused primarily on the use of various oils and other substances in culinary cooking endeavors. Something that Althusser would later expound upon in his magnum opus described above.

Later in his life, Althusser started his own food truck in dedication of his work on capitalist reproduction before he died in 1990. He focused primarily at interpolating bikers since he believed that this was the only group that was rebellious enough to get things moving. Furthermore, he found that bikers had more of a drive towards revolution and general ass-kicking that was much greater than any student that he ever had.

edit Favorite foods

Even though Althusser was known for his interest in fish taco production, he actually quite hated them. Favored by Althusser was Friedrich Nietzsche's most enjoyed dish of "Fruity Pebbles" mostly because he could see "Wild Fred" and his face on the box every time he had a bowl. Althusser was known to eat four to ten bowls of "Fruity Pebbles" a day. He was also quite fond of Nachos.

edit Books and synopses

Other than writing the two previously discussed books entitled "On the Reproduction of Capitalism: Tacos and Fish Taco Apparatuses" and "On Confusion in the Thought of G.W.F. Hegel", Althusser was known for some other works as well. Such works include:

The Specter of Hegel - Focused on trying to figure out why Hegel's ideas were so scary, Althusser came to the only logical conclusion - Hegel is a ghost; which explains why one of the three words in the "Phenomenology of Spirit" refers directly to a phantasm.

On Idiocracy - Other than being a huge critic of Capitalism, Althusser really loved the cinema and particularly admired the film Idiocracy. He admired this film so much that he decided to dedicate an entire book to discussing it's themes about how the capitalist reproduction of fish tacos ultimately leads to a society full of numb-nuts that have very little Dasein.

For Marx - A long list of poems and love letters dedicated to his friend, buddy, and guy - Karl Marx.

edit Later Life


Althusser-Brown a little surprised by the visit a young boy in a life preserver

Althusser allegedly murdered his wife vis-a-vis strangulation, but empirical evidence has arisen to show that Althusser was actually framed. Furthermore, it is believed that Althusser died on October 22 1990, but this couldn't be further from the truth. This is actually the date that psychiatrists where attempting to institutionalize Althusser. Though Althusser professed that he wasn't the one who was crazy, and they were the ones who were crazy with the further addition that all he wanted was a Pepsi, Althusser ultimately had to flee to escape persecution and he fled to the only logical place that he could think of - back to the future, from whence he came. Using his invention, of which he named the Flux Capacitor, he traveled to the future and had to change his name to Dr. Emmett Brown. Althusser-Brown was known to have been working improving the automobile - communally of course. This occurrence passed after Althusser was excommunicated from the scientific community, which was the reason why he had to start communal work on the advancement of automobiles in the first place. This excommunication is something that he also shared with his childhood hero - Jacques Lacan. Later, Lukacs made another movie about Althusser-Brown helping a young boy in a life preserver who was trying to go back to the past to screw his mom.

edit See Also

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