Lost and found

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Trash Offering

Your local neighborhood Lost & Found. Still hasn't lost that dead animal smell.

“I once... was lost... but now... am found...”
~ Amazing Grace on Lost & Found

The Lost and found is a place to put all of your unwanted crap when a garbage can or fire isn't closer. There is also the option of conveniently "losing" said crap item, at which time the Lost and found Fairies will take it to the Lost & Found box when you're not looking. Dank, smelly, and unfriendly, Lost and founds are only slightly better cherished than, say, the least livable parts of Pluto.

edit Etymology

It is assumed Lost and found comes from the Greek words, "Λοστ ανδ Φαυνδ", the ancient German word, laustenfünd, the ancient Chinese characters "會意字会意字" (roughly, "Ling Ang Fung"), and the Newspeak word "lostfound". Some of the more "radical linguists" believe that Lost and found came from the Old English term "losian ond findan", although they simply forgot that this is absolutely unfeasible, at best.

edit Benefits

Amazingly, there are actually conceivable benefits of Lost and founds.

Lost and founds typically have very flexible refund policies. Unless your item has already been taken, you may take it back at any time. Of course, this means you have to sift through the rest of the sweaty trash in the box in a vain and probably futile search for your own sweaty trash.

Poor people are able to take things from the Lost and found that they want, which is loosely considered giving back to the community. While this is not necessarily illegal for them to take these things, it is generally frowned upon if they are caught in the act and they don't think of a good lie quick enough. They can then use your old unwashed to clothes to cover themselves and the rest of your old stuff to feed their lice-ridden children.

edit Criticisms

There are many more criticisms of Lost and founds than there are benefits. Several of the most common are:

edit Seven Days Later

When it is clear that nobody wants what's in the Lost and found (which is all of the time), they give it an extra seven days to let the items live out their tragic lives. Compare to Uncyclopedia's NRV policy. At that time they are tossed ruthlessly and without emotion into the gaping, dark, friendless oblivion that is the trash can. The experience is marginally less painful than it sounds, but what comes after isn't.

edit See Also

Bouncywikilogo7
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lost and found.
Personal tools
projects