Lost (TV series)
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- For FOX's retort series, see FOUND.
“I can't find it.”
Lost is a science fiction supernatural mystery fantasy adventure time travel medical drama zombie thriller romantic comedy television series. It is named after both the general premise of the show and how the viewer feels after enduring an episode. This aspect was created in the USA.
The show itself focuses on a group of misfits whose mothafuckin' plane crashes on an island after being hijacked by mothafuckin snakes. This concept was originally criticized for being "uninventive, unrealistic, dire and completely in line with JJ Abrams' effluence" and for "cramming too many previously overdone ideas into one". However critics claimed to enjoy the rest of the series as they followed the Losties' meandering adventures, which included looking for/running from polar bears, Udders, falling planes, animated clouds of smoke, holes in the ground, giant electromagnets, and each other.
The show is somehow in its sixth season, and is watched by nearly 42 million people worldwide, making it one of the most popular TV shows in the world about a bunch of people you could happily assault with an electric drill. It has already been picked up from ABC by the XYZ network for 108 more seasons, which the writers claim is the minimum required to completely cover their whole shit story.
Contents |
[edit] Latest Episode Recap
[edit] Season 6 Episodes 1&2: LAX ATIVES: Part One & Part Two
A recap. A white light. Jack on a plane. Shock horror!! A NEW series opener device! Jack sits there by himself as he has no mates. A stewardess then tries to cheer him up by buying him a Vodka Shot: Shaken not stirred! As Jack downs it the plane itself almost goes down yet that dude from Heroes manages to gain control in the cockpit while Rose and Bernard laugh at Jack acting like a pussy holding onto his seat scared of crashing. Desmond then comes and sits next to Jack who asks if they have met before - Gzzz Jack you have made five series with this guy get with it. Jack then goes to the toilet a couple of times (perhaps he has a bladder weakness? Now that would be a plot twist!) before saving Charlie's (not the bloke who owns the chocolate factory) life after he has tried to swallow 25 condoms on string each one containing drugs.
Sayid meanwhile gets to kick a door in. Boone blabs on about being brought back yet again for a fleeting series appearance and Locke runs us through the safety proceedures on Oceanic Flight 815. Hurley is forced to do his impression of the giant yellow chicken from family guy and Sawyer reads one of those crappy in-flight magazines. On the other side of the isle is Kate who is having the lasagne for her tea while the rest of the people have fish - Airplane! style. The plane then lands in LAX where Jack's dads coffin is discovered to have been put on the other Flight 815 - the one from series one, while Kate is taken to the toilet by US Marshal Tommy Lee Jones who is knocked out by several women who think he is in there to perve on them. Kate then gets into a cab with Clare who agrees to stick around for this series. Hurley is then shown waiting for a cab with that yogurt guy while Sayid plays a joke on airport security by leaving a bag un-attended in the arrivals lounge and while Jack and Locke discuss who is the most important character on the show.
Flash back to the 1970's. This time the bomb goes off and theres a white light that brings Jack, Sawyer, Kate, Gin, Sayid, Miles, Hurley, an almost dead Juliet, one of those old Dharma vans, a change of clothes for all but Jack and Gin, Hurley's guitar case, some Dharma beer and a Sat Nav. Awaking in the jungle in the dead of night, Kate climbs a tree to see if she can see the plane that Faraday's plan was supposed to get them back on, she is almost knocked out of the tree however when Miles comes swinging down on vines doing his Tarzan impression. Landing on the ground he and Kate see the old door to the hatch and a note from Desmond reading "Your back in the present. Just popped out for some milk. Back soon....Brother!" Realising that they are now back in the present they rush to the crater of the destroyed hatch where Gin is running around waving his arms shouting "IT WORKED! IT BLOODY WORKED!!! WHERES SUN?" (only that bit was in Korean) Jack then awakens and realises that his plan has gone tits up yet again. Sawyer then kicks his ass for letting Juliet die, yet they find out she is not dead but buried under Desmond's old deep fat fryer from the hatch. They free her from under it and then she dies - way to waste 5 minutes screen time Carlton and Damon!
While this is occuring Jacob appears to Hurley and tells him that he was raped and murdered only an hour ago and that Hurley has to take Sayid to this really posh and expensive spa where he will be revived. Jacob also tells Hurley to bring the guitar case with him as there is something important in it. When Jack and the others join Hurley and Sayid again Hurley tells Jack that he cannot save Sayid as he is a crap doctor, yet he might be able to save him as he is kick ass. Hurley then uses the Sat Nav to get directions to the islands temple, which will lead them to the spa. Everyone except Sawyersauce and Miles go as they want to have sex with Juliet's dead corpse before burying it. Arriving at the Temple Hurley somehow manages to get into a small hole in the ground and get inside followed by Gin who is yet again carrying someones body as his character has not had much to do yet. The Udders then ambush them and are about to shoot them when Hurley says that Jacob sent them. A Bruce Lee type guy spares their lives when Hurley tells him that Jacob to come and bring the guitar. The Bruce Lee guy opens the case and reads a note from Jacob which says "Series 6 ending - the following characters must survive. P.S. Give Hurley the contents of the guitar case!". The guy then gives Hurley the contents of the case which is a note from Jacob saying "Theres a war coming Hurley, your going to have to be fit and ready...these should help" - it is then revealed that the case contains boxes of laxitives to help Hurley loose weight. The Bruce Lee guy then asks where Jacob is to which Hurley adds "Oh sorry did I not mention that dude? He's dead!". The spa thing then goes into lockdown with fireworks being set off to tell the enemy (fake Locke) exactly where to attack. Sayid meanwhile is given a decent bath as he has not washed since returning to the island.
Inside the base of Monty Python foot, Fake Locke cleans his knife and tells Ben to go and get Richard for a board meeting. Ben goes outside and sees the other Locke dead in the box/crate. Realising what he has done ben tells the people that came on flight 369 not to go into the foot yet they clearly do - this is Lost after all, meanwhile Frank gets one line this episode. Inside Fake Locke transforms into a car and then a smoke monster killing the people from flight 369. He then heads outside and tells Richard that he is not Locke but Jacob's enemy: Locke! All the people stood by the foot then watch as a giant firework is launched telling Fake Locke where to attack. He then knocks Richard out and drags him into the jungle telling the others that Richard is a naughty boy and must be punished.
[edit] Characters
- For the full list of characters, which was so big we couldn't shove it in anywhere, see Lost (TV series)/characters
- Punchable yet evil Vincent the dog is the main character (and i use the word "character" quite incorrectly), who is slowly, surely but thankfully killing off the rest of the cast but not quick enough. It is yet to be revealed how he does this, possibly with a gun - he's american afterall. The series creators have, though, dropped clues that it has something to do with ranch dressing and bullets.
- He is accompanied by roly-poly fat-man Hurley who is looking to spend his fortune made from shooting adult films. Also on the island is Charlie Hobbiton, who is searching for the one hatch of POWER. Sex symbol and highly adored Kate is a (by the numbers) psychopathic serial killer, with an inexplicable lust for toy airplanes and 16 inch battery operated rubber phalluses. She is also at the center of the island's infamous love tetrahedron™, which includes most of the cast and crew, including Sawyer, Jack, Claire, Sun, Sayid, Sideshow Bob, Wilson and Vincent.
- Locke is also an irrelevant character who is dead in the future(whoa!!! What a plot devopment, people dying in the future), but is alive in the present, is dead long in the past, and will probably be alive again in the future. But the present is five years ago, and the future is two years ago, and when he is alive again it will be the present. Lost? Of course you are. Unless you have been watching the vastly superior Torchwood, Doctor Who or even Captian Scarlet.
- Bill is a character from a video game called Left 4 Dead and doesn't really appear in the show at all apart form the time a reflection of his left big toe was seen in the third tooth from the right of the polar bears molar. He does however play a major role in the series in the way that he is at first used to explain every mystery. For example, Jack asks "Where did that polar bear come from?" Kate answers "Bill from left 4 dead did that!".
- Walt is a small black child who occassionally has a fit and kills anyone who dosen't believe him when he says 'im tiger woods! im tiger woods!'
- Micheal is Walt's annoying, overprotective Dad. Spends most of his time shooting his friends, helping the bad guys, trying to kill himself, blowing up ships and constantly screaming, "WAAAALT!!!"
[edit] Mysterious Island
The unknown attracts dim-witted viewers like a humming wall attracts keys. Several viewers have speculated on occasion, though never to excess. A prevailing theory in the community suggests that the entire show does not in fact exist; it is just a mass hallucination brought on by ABC broadcasting a blank screen for an hour every Thursday. Although we all know that's not true, we are not that lucky.
[edit] A tale of a fateful trip
The Others have been on the island for twenty-two years. They are members of an aborted research project, The Llama Initiative, which was funded by the companies that grow those plants you see in windowless offices. You ever wonder how on earth those plants survive? Right. The island was supposed to be home to research stations for plants that can grow in total darkness, or under very cheap fluorescent lighting. Unfortunately, one day Jerry forgot to close the blinds as the sun came up, and all hell broke loose as the plants grew out of control. The island was transformed into a lush tropic paradise, and funding for the project was abandoned. The Udders are still trapped on the island with all their research equipment from 1982, and when not soddomising the Lost cast they kill time trying to fix their laserdisc player so they can watch Saturday Night Fever.
[edit] The Magic Numbers
The solution to the island involves the numbers. Magic numbers, in fact. The famous Magic Numbers, chubby rock band. In fact, they attempted to stay sane on the island in a similar manner to (that shit head) Tom Hanks in Castaway (vís-a-vís befriending a volleyball called Wilson). However, their friends were much more edible, and their rapidly increasing phat factor meant that they just could not chop their own firewood. Therefore, they shot down a passing plane, bringing a group of lean? and athletic?? Yanks??? (who says the americans can't do comedy?)to the island. And so their firewood was chopped, in pairs of 0, 1337, π, 499000, ⅜, and of course, Q. They may also be Satan's numbers - 4 + 8 + 15 + 16 + 23 = 66, and 4 + 2 = 6. 66-6.
[edit] The Love Tetrahedron
The romance in Lost is drawn painfully from the inexplicably complex LOVE TETRAHEDRON, which contains perhaps all of the cast but four - Bono and Shannon; whose necrophiliac needs have been sustained now that they are dead most of the time; the wild boar, because it's underage; and the monster, because it kills everything it loves, ending any relationship before it starts.
The tetrahedron can never be fully explained to anyone due to its incredible yet boring complexity, but a rough guide to it is shown below. Romantic links are represented by the red lines between the names.
[edit] The Snowglobenet
Functioning mainly as the island's networking service, the Snowglobenet as whole (AKA "Websites Tracking Facility") is operated by a large number of nets (SGNs) which are scattered over the island and being maintained by Snowglobe Dolls (SGD). Featuring attractive Snowglobenet-specific websites such as Glooble, Udderclopedia and MSN, the Snowglobenet became majorly a target of vandalism. Recently there have been cases of SGDs thievery, blunt abuse of SGNs, and complete destruction of Snowglobenet servers. Raging WTF addicts are constantly losing control, some of them went as far as kidnapping the vandals, an act not once ended up in casualties.
[edit] Other Mysterious Mysteries Solved
- The Island is in fact located just off the coast of Euthanasia, where polar bears, jungles, and monsters are common.
- The Giant Dildo was actually the polar bear in a dick costume. Locke killed the polar bear (named Ryan Chapman) and raped it in the ass. This is in an easter egg in the Season 1 DVD - to reveal this easter egg, you have to insert disc 2 into your DVD player and press the trigger to the shotgun which should already be in your mouth.
- The Black Rock is actually Captain Hook's ship. They accidentally took the turning at the second star on the left and ended up on the island.
- The bearded hobo on the island doesn't really have a beard. When this was revealed, thousands of viewers died of heart attacks. Hurrah!
- The mystery of how an Iraqi soldier serving under Saddam Hussein could have possibly acquired torturing skills was solved when it was revealed that he once dated a dominatrix, who taught him everything he knows.
- The timer is actually counting down to "PARTY TIME!!" The theory being that if you are able to correctly enter the numbers in time, you're not wasted enough for the party to start properly. When it runs out a giant disco ball comes on along with an array of strobe and laser lights. It turns out that the DHARMA people were actually extras who had escaped from the "Saturday Night Fever" set to find a place of eternal dancing.
- The mysterious Jacob is actually Frogurt, who went back in time and fathered himself. Not for the first time.
- Annie, Ben's childhood friend, is the father of Svetlana the cow, and is currently in disguise as a man named Barack Obama who is suspected to be hiding in Washington, DC as of press time.
[edit] The Final Truth
In the Lost movie, picking up where the series left off, the truth revealed in the final episode is shattered. Ed Gein is revealed to actually be the DHARMA Shark, a shark with a DHARMA symbol on its tail, who had disguised himself as Gein. The shark is revealed to be related to many of the island's secrets. He ate the body of Jack's dad out of the coffin, he dropped the food over the island, and he built the hatch in order to test out the button-pushing skills of the islanders. In an epic battle, Desmond mounts onto the smoke monster, who had become a good character in season 72, and they fly into the clouds to battle the shark. The shark eats Desmond and the black smoke, however, and while the Survivor Squad is distracted by the battle, they forget to push the button in the hatch, which results in Party Time, and ultimately the complete incineration of the island due to the continual playing of Insomnia by Faithless.
[edit] Discounted Theories about Lost
These theories have all been discounted, and are now 2 for 1.
- The Theorists then came up with a better 'dead' theory, that they were all dead and in Purgatory. The creators insist they would still be dead and that that would make the show very boring. As such, that idea will be implimented next season.
- The plane was the plane from "Snakes on a Plane". (Disproved due to lack of Samuel L. Jackson, not lack of snakes)
- Rose and Bernard's rumored "graphic sex scene" included in season 2
- Locke is the original Sawyer, is Kate's real real father, was also her husband for a while, is Him, and was only pretending to need a wheelchair.
- More than 16 people continued to watch the show after the "Hugo fixes a car episode" debacle.
- The "writers" planned at least 0.1% of the story before they started typing. Later comments by David Fury proved that they hadn't even started to think about the story until half the show had been broadcast.
- The survivors are actually a part of a scheme set by George W. Bush to try to get a third term.
- The "creators" have a "planned" "storyline".
- Bernard is actually the future version of Jack.
- Jack is on an intense drug trip.
- Jack, Locke, Sawyer, Hurley, Mr. Eko, Charlie and Bernard are on an all night drinking session.
- Jack, Locke, Sawyer, Hurley, Mr. Eko, Charlie and Bernard are all on Desmond's stag do.
- Jack is in a coma and Kate is his nurse.
- Locke's coffin will be used as a boat for the Oceanic Six to get back to the island.
- They are all visiting Hurley at his mental institution.
- The island is the island from the film/book/whatever "The Swiss Family Robinson".
- The island is the island from the film "Cast Away".
- The island is actually on of the Canary Islands.
- The island is Tracey Island from Thunderbirds.
- Charles Widmore is "The Hood" from Thunderbirds.
- Jacob = Guybrush Threepwood
- The island is actually a pinincula.
- The island is a UFO and Jack and the rest of the cast are being gang probed.
- The show is a more interesting version of "Celebrity Love Island".
- Jack & Sawyer are brother and brother while Jack and Locke are husband and wife.
- Charlie could have swam out the window.
- Juliet IS dead. The actress that plays her however is very much alive!
- Jack is a younger Locke and Locke is Jacob who is Sun and Jin's son from the future.
- Locke sent the other version of himself back in time to stop Jack from ever being conceived (Terminator style) that way he would never have to leave the island to bring him back.
- Richard has a foot fetish, hense the four-toed statue.
- The series will end with Jack stepping out of the shower and Locke handing him a towel.
- The series will never end.
- Jacob is infact a salesman for "Jacob's Cream Crackers".
- Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse don't exist and we have all dreamt the show.
- The final shot of the show is of the plane landing in LA followed by a "cut" to Damon & Carlton's office where they hold up a massive banner which reads "BLUFF" then the series ends
- The series ends with Charlie swimming out of that window after three series of being dead.
- The entire show is an excuse to bring back the entire cast for one hell of a party when the final shot raps.
- The series will end with a shot of a load of young kids playing the show in their schools playground.
[edit] Stuff you may not have noticed
- Nikki and Paulo are dead.
- Sawyer's real name is an anagram of HillBilly.
- In the pilot episode, if you look very closely about 8 minutes 15 seconds in, you can see Waldo
- Shannon's breasts have a tag on them claiming '$350, Plastic Surgery Express'
- Claire's mother is Australian, but is so pretentious that she talks in an American's idea of what an Australian accent sounds like.
- Ms. Klugh was hidden inside the pilot's stomach.
- The Monster is actually called Cuddles by the Udders.
- In scene 4 of episode 16, Kate's breasts mysteriously change sizes throughout the scene.
- If a French woman is separated from native French speakers for 16 years, her accent mysteriously drifts to somewhere in central Europe.
- The whole series is filmed backwards, meaning that Episode 16 Season 6 is actually Episode 1 Season 1, and vice versa.
- If you take the first three letters from each episode name, and each character's name is equal to π, and you divide them by the sum of the amount of times there has been awkward sexual tension between Jack Kate and Sawyer, and then subtract the variable of (Disney™)x3+Shannon is a Bitch, you just wasted a whole bunch of time.
- Ben was watching you the whole time.
- LOST is an anagram of SLOT.
- The pylons were not set to a lethal level.
- In Episode 3 of Series 2, you can clearly see that Sayid has a pot belly.
- The island kicked out Walt, because the island found out about Walt's love affair with Vincent. Vincent is now the island's new lover, as Vincent is turned on by child molestors.
- The car needs a new carburetor.
- Jack spelled backwards is Kcaj, which is an anagram for Jack
- The grenade was not set to a lethal level.
- Hurley is played by the 'little man from another place' from the red room in Twin Peaks.
- Charles Widmore backwards is Eromdiw Selrahc, the famous Siberian vocalist.
- John Locke has bigger tits than Kate.
- Alan from "The Hangover" is Jack's half-brother.
- Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing fuck with!
- WAAAAALT!!
[edit] The Lost Experience
An ARG (pronounced AAAAAAAUUUURRRRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!) and live action role-playing game, it was introduced to the public in 2004, but no one really noticed until the present day. While members of Lost's cult frantically search for clues in miles and miles of source code and Who references, the real players are creating fake websites to vent their rage on the rest of the world. A popular advert (paid for by Sprite) depicts great warriors donning their armor, raising their swords for battle and forum-posting, all while drinking a Sprite with their other hand. Sprite endorses the advertising campaign, and makes it clear that they are supportive of the show and its massive entourage of thirsty fans. The Lost Experience (paid for by Sprite) has taken over massive sections of newspapers, sometimes buying out the entire newspaper (so long Oregonian), commercial spots on ABC, and most heinous of all: Amazon.com. You can no longer order anything from Amazon, as they'll only deliver a Sprite and a genuine copy of the number 42. The experience serves as something similar to a thirst quencher for Lost fans in between seasons. Drink Sprite. For some reason, the producers evidentally thought people liked he game, so they created two others.
[edit] List of Episodes & Recaps
[edit] Season 1
- The Pirate - Part 1 (A.k.a Monster Eats The Pilot)
- The Pirate - Part 2 (A.k.a Monster Eats The Pilot)
- Credo Quia Absurdum Est (I Believe it because it is Absurd)
- Roundabout
- White Wabbit
- House of the Rising Bun
- The Butterfly
- Incompetent Man
- Solitaire
- Raised by an Udder
- All the Best Cowboys Have Dirty Tissues
- Whatever the STD
- Vital Organs
- Walt is a "Special" Boy
- Hobbitcoming
- Inlaws
- Huh?
- Letters
- Butt Sex Macarena
- Why You Shouldn't Kill
- Why You Should Kill
- Dancing in the Dark
- Exorcist - Part 1
- Exorcist - Part 2
[edit] Season 2
- Man at Seance, Man who Fakes
- A Douche
- Inflamation
- Everybody Hates "Everybody Loves Raymond" Puns
- Crap Bin
- Tossed in the Gutter
- The Udder 48 Gays
- Circumcision
- Who Kate Did
- The 23rd Palm Tree
- The Hunting Part-ae
- Steam
- The Looooooooooooooong Con (aka Guns are Bad)
- Us and Them
- My Turn to Leave
- The Hole's Truth
- Locke Down!
- Dave!
- S.O.B.
- 19½. Reckoning
- Two Corpses To Go (aka GUESS WHO'S DEAD)
- ¿
- Fwee Minutes
- Live to Get Her, Die at Home
[edit] Season 3
- A Tale of Two Titties
- The Grass Roller
- Further Obstruction
- Every Conman For Himself
- The Cast Is Leaving
- I Don't
- Not Important
- Flashes Bore Your Eyes
- Strange Hair On A Strange Man
- The Reporter From Family Guy Is Dust
- Finishing 7th
- Par 81
- The Man Who Tapped A Horsey
- XXX-posed
- Saggy Behind
- Just the Two of Us
- Snatch-23
- L.O.L.
- The Breg'
- The Wizard of Oz
- Greatest Spits
- Through the Windshield Made of Glass: Part 1
- Through the Windshield Made of Glass: Part 2
[edit] Season 4
- The Beginning of the Fourth Season
- Unconfirmed Life
- The Ekonomicz
- Egghead
- The Contest
- The Udder's Bitch
- Jet Li
- Michael Strikes Back
- The Shape of Dirty Things
- Some Nice Buttered Scones
- Saturday Night Fever
- ¡Eso es todo! ¡Estamos matando a la isla! (Part I)
- ¡Eso es todo! ¡Estamos matando a la isla! (Part II)
[edit] Season 5
- Because You're Right
- The Lay
- Archie
- The Little Ponce
- This Place is Dumb
- 619
- Locke And Abbadon's Excellent Adventure
- LaGrille? What The Hell Is That?
- Nestle'
- She's A He
- Recap A Bazillion
- Whatever's a Hippo, Happened
- Dad Is Dead
- Some Like It Hoth...No...really
- The Vegetable
- Borrow The Leader
- The Indecent, Part One
- The Indecent, Part Two
[edit] Season 6
- LAX ATIVES: Part One & Part Two
- Who Kate Does
- The Submission
- The Lighthouse Keeper's Lunch
- Scumtown!
- Dr. Bunny Killer
[edit] Lost Theme Tune
Weebl and Bob Creator, Jonti Picking wrote and sang the Lost theme tune.
[edit] Lost: The Game
See, they also have a game! That's right, it's Lost the Game! You could have Lost the Game too, just buy one today! Buy them for your friends too! Better buy spares too! Buy!
[edit] Quotes
“I owe that fucker some money: I lost the bet, he fucked her first”
“I used to owe that bitch some money: I lost the bet, she fucked him first. Whew, glad the bitch is dead lolz”
“I owe that fucker some more money: I lost the bet, he fucked her first too”
“I can't find it”
“Oh come on! Yet again, I owe that fucker even more money: I lost the bet, again, he fucked her first too”
“How ya like them apples”
“There's no such thing as "spoilers" in Lost. Merely mentioning the word gives away the series.”
“You can't tell me what to do!”
“This thing is more confusing than fit women loving fat men”
“Huh... I had my money on purgatory...”
“I tend not to be concerned with such things.”
“Lol wut?”
[edit] See also
- FOUND (2004 Television Series)
- Hanso Foundation
- Lost and found
- Monster
- Lost
- Lost in Translation
- Giant squid
- What?
