Los Angeles Kings
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“When did Los Angeles get a hockey team?”
“Wait a minute. These aren't the Lakers!”
“Wait a minute. These aren't the Lakers!”
“Wait a minute. I thought they played Basketball in Sacramento”
“We had Wayne Gretzky once!”
|Division||One that shouldn't exist|
|Colors||Barney Purple, Silver|
|Stanley Cups||1. Did we mention they used to have Wayne Gretzky once?|
|Fans||3, give or take|
The Los Angeles Kings are supposedly an NHL hockey team, located out in Los Angeles, California. They supposedly had Wayne Gretzky at one point. They were even NHL champions at one point... somehow they managed that.
edit A Late Revival (1912-1918)
In 1912 the idea of a hockey team was still a rumor, but was voted by the government "in" and the Ducks, "out". The hardest part about this was that they needed an arena and they had no choice but to start their franchise at the forum.
In 1914 the franchise won their first Stanley Cup after only 2 years in existince, and you could tell that Shark fans were pissed. The team would then go into a decline untill the late 1970's.
edit A Start Of A Decline (1918 - 1920)
In 1918 people started to realise that the Kings suck, and it came at a bad time because L.A. wouldin't finance the Kings, stating that they thought they were "big boys now.".
In 1920 A construction of a new arena started, but failed. The plans for the arena would not go into effect untill 1972.
edit The End Of A Decline (1920-1922)
In 1921 The Kings finally got up on their feet, stood up together as a whole, and said "f*** you" to the NHL and it's staff. They would then serve a 20 year penalty of being forced to suck. The team would try to keep this secret, but since it's on here, I don't think it was very secret!!!
In 1922 the end of the decline started a whole franchise decline. This wasin't the "decline era", It was the "King era".
The end of the penaly issued was ended, but the Kings were still sucking, so the Kings had to take crystal meth before each game to kill ATLEAST one player per game. A sad, sad, time in Los Angeles it was. But, these are the Kings we're talking about so, who gives a f***? The Kings were as bad as a cat humping a squirrel, and that was soon their primary logo of the 1940's
edit Season-by-season record
This is a partial list of the last five seasons completed by the Kings. For the full season-by-season history, actually take the time to see the website.
Note: GP = Games played, W = Wins, L = Losses, T = Ties, OTL = Overtime losses/Shootout losses, Pts = Points, GF = Goals for, GA = Goals against, PIM = Penalties in minutes
|2004–05||Season cancelled due to Gary Betman losing all the NHL's money|
|2005–061||7||8||3||--||5||9||2||5||1||9th, Pacific||Did not show up|
|2006–07||54||75||41||--||14||68||27||23||11||1st, Western||Did not show up|
|2007–08||2||1,000||24!!||--||7||71||231||66||30||45th, Pacific||Did not qualify|
|2008–09||82||34||37||--||11||79||207||234||112||79th, Eastern||Did not qualify|
edit Franchise individual records
- Sucking then making it into the playoffs in two years
- Trading Wayne Gretzky for someone who we don't even give a crap about
- For stealing the Winnipeg Jet's last regular season game puck
- For going from purple and yellow to silver and purple
- To have a lion as a Kings mascot
- For even grasping Wayne Gretzky
- For having Luc Robitaille
- For actually maintaining a Lakers-dominent fanbase
|National Hockey League|
|Leastern Conference||Worstern Conference|
|New Jersey Devils||Boston Bruins||Winnipeg Jets||Chicago Blackhawks||Calgary Flames||Anaheim Ducks|
|New York Islanders||Buffalo Sabres||Carolina Hurricanes||Columbus Blue Jackets||Colorado Avalanche||Dallas Stars|
|New York Rangers||Montreal Canadiens||Florida Panthers||Detroit Red Wings||Edmonton Oilers||Los Angeles Kings|
|Philadelphia Flyers||Ottawa Senators||Tampa Bay Lightning||Nashville Predators||Minnesota Wild||Phoenix Coyotes|
|Pittsburgh Penguins||Toronto Maple Leafs||Washington Capitals||St. Louis Blues||Vancouver Canucks||San Jose Sharks|
|Seasons (structure) · Stanley Cup (Playoffs–Finals–Champions) · Presidents' Trophy · All-Star Game · Draft · Players (Association) · All-Star Teams · Awards|
|History · Timeline · Defunct teams · NHA · Original Six · 1967 Expansion · WHA · Streaks · Droughts · Hall of Fame (members) · Rivalries · Arenas · Rules · Violence|