Lord Christopher Monckton denial
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
- This article is about claims that Lord Christopher Monckton never happened. You may also be looking for Lord Christopher Monckton denial denial which no one has written yet. Probably because they would need to find out something about the subject first. To avoid learning more just sit on your ass and keep believing whatever the television tells you.
|This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory of which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence. The black helicopters are not ^on their way.|
“The allegation of me being anti-
SemiticEnvironmental is the biggest lie since the HolocaustAnthropogenic Global Warming”
“I can smell Bullshit, but it's not coming from Monckton”
Lord Christopher Monckton denial is the first of six stages experienced by fanatical uneducated hippies in the Monckton denial model. It may also be a by-product of some rich buggers who are trying to find an excuse to set-up a world government.
edit Lord Christopher Monckton denial
During the first stage of the process the Monckton DENIER simply believes that Lord Monckton does not exist. They ignore the obvious evidence that a person of this name has clearly appeared on various television and radio shows around the world, and that there are also many videos available on the internet which provide obvious evidence to the actual existence of the man.
The term denial when used in conjunction with Lord Monckton has been considered offensive by some due to its obvious association with the Holocaust and the Holocaust denial movement. By associating Lord Monckton deniers with the Holocaust they believe that the label attempts to reduce the significance of the Holocaust itself because the issues relating to global warming which Lord Monckton discuss are simply not as important.
Acceptance for the use of the label denier has grown over time as people have come to realise that our current policy on global warming and the use of bio-fuels has greatly influenced the doubling of food prices world wide. Due to the fact that we are now burning food it is known that many millions have already died in third world countries where the population already lives very close to famine. With onset of food riots in various third world counties and the acknowledgement that preventing poor countries from burning fossil fuels will stop them from developing into modern famine free societies there is almost universal acceptance of the term denier.
edit Monckton anger
At this point it is likely that one of their peers of the Monckton denier mentions Lord Monckton, or they see an article written about him by some other Monckton deniers. Eventually they realize that there is no way they can pretend that Lord Monckton does not exist at all, so they instead shift their anger to hating the man himself. To maintain themselves in the state of Monckton anger it is vitally important that the Monckton denier does not actually invest any time into listening to any of what Lord Monckton is actually talking about.
The anger which the Monckton denier has for Lord Monckton generally comes from the fanatical passion which they maintain regarding all issues relating to the pollution of the environment. The Monckton denier will simply assume that Lord Monckton is an anti-environmentalist and that he is saying that it is OK to pollute the air, pour crap into the oceans, and shoot albatrosses.
To obtain particular amusement when talking to a person who is in the Monckton anger stage you may find beneficial to actually pretend that you hold the views which they incorrectly assume Lord Monckton does. From this position you can point out that in order to save the environment we need to kill all the whales in the ocean as they are huge consumers of CO2 eating plankton, and that we should tarmac over the tropical rain forests as they have actually been shown to be net greenhouse gas producers. Whatever you do, don't mention the fact that tropical rain forests are being cut down in order to grow bio-fuel, and that during the process of harvesting it is common to set fire to the field it grows in first. Doing so will probably very slightly raise the suspicion of the denier in the Monckton anger stage that perhaps something odd is going on, and may even cause them into enough making investigation to allow them to progress to the next stage of the Monckton denial model.
edit Lord Monckton bargaining
As a denier's belief of no Lord Monckton weakens, he enters the stage of Monckton bargaining. The denier is willing to accept that the Lord Monckton did happen, however he pleads with history to have Lord Monckton not happen as much, to make the goddamn hippy environmentalist not feel as bad for not realising that they had been believing a load of bullshit.
Typical pleads include:
- "Please let Lord Monckton be some crazy arsed conspiracy nut like David Icke so we can just laugh at him and ignore what he says."
- "Maybe Al Gore lied to us saying that CO2 was a pollutant because he actually knows what's best for us all?"
- "Okay, how about this: Three million people were killed by the bio-fuel scam, but most of them had different coloured skin to me so it's not really all that bad."
- "Can't there at least be a quote from Monckton where he mentions Lizards or something? Maybe Lizards saying that CO2 is a pollutant perhaps?"
- "Lord Monckton said some messed up shit about AIDS, so CO2 must be a pollutant."
- "He also said that the environmentalists banned DDT years ago, and that when they finally realised that they could have saved millions of lives it then failed to completely wipe out the disease or be 100% effective against Malaria. In any case you don't get Malaria in countries which contain people with the same skin colour as me and I would rather kill the people than the animals. Therefore CO2 is a pollutant."
- "Because hereditary peers were abolished just before Lord Monckton became a lord that means that CO2 is a pollutant."
- "I have found a page on the internet which disagrees with one minor point of what Lord Monckton is saying so that means that CO2 is a pollutant."
"I pump CO2 into my greenhouse because it makes my plants grow better"actually no, not that one.
edit Lord Monckton depression
Lord Monckton deniers are thought of as jokes by other people, and by other people we mean people who have actually taken the time to listen to what Monckton is actually talking about. Even the lowest of the low on the social chain (Hippies who have watched Apocalypse No) usually point and (nervously) laugh whenever they meet a denier. Deniers try to ignore the laughter (of the aggressive Hippies), but when Lord Monckton bargaining fails and the denier is even more of a joke than usual, Lord Monckton depression kicks in. Realizing that nobody else (including other Hippies) will ever believe them or even treat them seriously, deniers start watching re-runs of to An Inconvenient Truth, and try to forget that they have actually dedicated their lives to campaigning for a single dictatorial world government which is actually against everything which they have ever stood for.
The depression reaches a maximum when the denier realises that by focusing their attention on CO2 they have ignored other real issues such as the depletion of rainforests, dumping of toxic waste, species extinction, and famine in the 3rd world.
edit Lord Monckton acceptance
Since most businesses are owned by the small group of evil men who are pushing the Global warming agenda, some are forced (to pretend) to accept Lord Monckton, but still pretend that they don't. Like Bono from U2 for example.
edit Tell-tale signs
There are several prominent attributes of 'Lord Monckton deniers' which give them away, the most prominent of which are listed below:
- Makes random desperate claims to the believes of Lord Monckton such as suggesting that he thinks the world is controlled by a cabal of evil Jews.
- Usually found running around with half a head of hair shouting 'AAAA! AAA! IT'S NOT TRUE! IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DENYYYYYYYY! DENYYYYYYY!'
- Anyone who says 'Maybe they were [insert any number below several million] dead already because of the global warming scam'
- Someone who is a terrorist, or at-least stages terrorist events for their own gain.
- "Some idiot who thinks that anyone who has an opinion different from that pushed by the mainstream media is a lunatic who thinks the entire Jewish race are responsible for the attacks of September 11th.
- Fanatical pushing of ideologies they don't understand, aggressive actions towards those who are trying to educate them, attempts to censor any opinion which might cause them to actually consider the facts, and a willingness to compromise their other values such as free speech if it means there is a chance that they might find out that they were wrong about the whole thing.
edit Other Popular Theories
Many people believe that Lord Monckton was a story lost in translation - it is generally agreed that most Americans don't speak the English language (as spoken by Lord Monckton), and that when his speeches are put through the British to American translator on Google it comes out as "I think the entire American government did the attacks of September 11th, and I also think that the Queen of England is a Lizard."
Not that there is anything wrong with Google you understand.
Many others believe that the Lord Monckton story derived from a load of paid professional bloggers who are actually working for the evil bastards who are trying to use the global warming scam as an excuse to set-up a single dictatorial world government which they themselves control.
Course, no one really believes that. That would be crazy.
edit See also
|This page was originally sporked from Holocaust denial.|