Lord Byron

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{{DEFAULTSORT:Byron, Lord}}
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{{Title|Lord Byron}}
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[[Image: byronmentos.JPG|thumb|Lord Byron early in his career]]
 
[[Image: byronmentos.JPG|thumb|Lord Byron early in his career]]
   
George "Flash" Gordon Byron XII, more commonly known as '''Lord Byron''', was a landlord, poet, crack addict, dolphin trainer, cross-dresser, community [[college]] graduate, and, most notably, [[Oscar Wilde]]'s fiercest rival.
+
'''''George "Flash" Gordon Byron XII''''' aka The Byronic Man, aka Mr. "Scandalous Bisexual Affairs", more commonly known as '''Lord Byron''', was a landlord, [[poet]], world [[uncycling]] champion, [[crack addict]], [[dolphin]] trainer, [[cross-dresser]], [[community college]] graduate, and, most notably, [[Oscar Wilde]]'s fiercest rival.
   
==[[Childhood]]==
+
==Childhood==
Byron was born in [[West Stabbing]], [[Scotland]], on January 13th, 1813, which eerily enough is the same date that Walker, [[Texas]] Ranger (which is said to have gained [[inspiration]] from Byron's works) was cancelled 190 years later. Early on he was stricken with a bad case of ass flu, which was crushed by [[Margaret Thatcher]] with her bare hands (not to be confused with her [[bear]] hands). Byron survived through such heartbreak as his struggles with [[mime]] attacks, his [[dyslexia|dyslxeia]], and his mother Fredina's sex change (which is said to be the inspiration for his poem ''Manfred''). Eventually he graduated from [[San Diego]] Community College with a degree in bleariness.
+
Byron was born in West Stabbing, Nubia, on [[January 13]]th, [[1813]], which eerily enough is the same date that [[Walker, Texas Ranger]] (which is said to have gained [[inspiration]] from Byron's works) was cancelled 190 years later. Early on he was stricken with a bad case of [[Explosive diarrhea|ass flu]], which was crushed by [[Margaret Thatcher]] with her bare hands (not to be confused with her [[bear]] hands). Byron survived through such heartbreak as his struggles with [[mime]] attacks, his [[dyslexia|dyslxeia]], and his mother/father Fredina's multiple sex changes (which is said to be the inspiration for his poem ''Manfredish''). Eventually he graduated from San Diego Community College with a degree in bleariness.
   
 
==Rise of Byron==
 
==Rise of Byron==
  +
[[Image:cookiebrownie258.jpg|thumb]]
  +
 
Byron became noticed in the artistic community with his many appearances in [[Mentos]] commercials, which he also wrote the jingles for:
 
Byron became noticed in the artistic community with his many appearances in [[Mentos]] commercials, which he also wrote the jingles for:
   
: Who killed John Keats?
+
: Who killed [[John Keats]]?
 
: "I," says the Quarterly,
 
: "I," says the Quarterly,
 
: So savage and Tartarly;
 
: So savage and Tartarly;
Line 15: Line 21:
 
: Mentos: the Freshmaker!
 
: Mentos: the Freshmaker!
   
Eventually his work gained so much notice that was recruited by noted poet [[dEaThs33ker_20]], whose [[Xanga]] entries are often considered to be classic. Byron worked under _20 for 7 months, and became poet laureate of the [[Internet|Intarweb]] after _20's ironically unexpected [[death]].
+
Eventually his work gained so much notice that was recruited by noted poet dEaThs33ker_20, whose Xanga entries are often considered to be classic. Byron worked under _20 for 7 months, and became poet laureate of the [[Internet|Intarweb]] after _20's ironically unexpected [[death]].
   
 
==Notable works==
 
==Notable works==
Although his epic Don Juan and the less-appreciated sequel Don Juan 2: The Quickening are his most-known works, he also compiled a large list of [[poetry]].
+
Although his epic ''Don Juan'' and the less-appreciated sequel ''Don Juan 2: The Quickening'' are his most-known works, he also compiled a large list of [[poetry]].
 
*''To a beautiful Quaker Oatmeal bar''
 
*''To a beautiful Quaker Oatmeal bar''
 
*''The Chameleon''
 
*''The Chameleon''
Line 27: Line 33:
   
 
==Criticism==
 
==Criticism==
  +
 
Byron is considered the [[1337]]est romantic poet of his day. He often appealed to young readership, as evidenced in his poem ''[[OMGWTFBBQ]]'':
 
Byron is considered the [[1337]]est romantic poet of his day. He often appealed to young readership, as evidenced in his poem ''[[OMGWTFBBQ]]'':
   
: R3m3mb3r th33! r3m3mb3r teeh!!!!111one
+
: ''R4m3mb3r th33! r3m3mb3r teeh!!!!111one''
: t!11 137h3 qu3n<|-| 1!f3's 8ur/\!/\g 57r33m
+
::: ''t!11 137h3 qu3n<|-| 1!f3's 8ur/\!/\g 57r33m''
: R3/\/\0r53 and 5h4m3 5h411 <1!ng to 7h33,
+
:: ''R3/\/\0r53 and 5h4m3 5h411 <1!ng to 7h33,''
: And h4un+ 7|-|33 like a f3\/3r!5h [[dream]]!!!???/
+
:::: ''And h4un+ 7|-|33 like a f3\/3r!5h [[dream]]!!!???/''
   
 
This poem is widely considered to symbolise the struggles that youth go through in the struggle to find meaning in life, especially when some n00bs are [[camping]] like a bunch of homos.
 
This poem is widely considered to symbolise the struggles that youth go through in the struggle to find meaning in life, especially when some n00bs are [[camping]] like a bunch of homos.
Line 38: Line 45:
 
However, Byron went through a puzzling Radical Phase, where unusual and inflammatory statements infested otherwise good poetry, as seen in "And Thou Art Dead, Mothaf*cka":
 
However, Byron went through a puzzling Radical Phase, where unusual and inflammatory statements infested otherwise good poetry, as seen in "And Thou Art Dead, Mothaf*cka":
   
: And thou art dead, as young and fair
+
: ''And thou art dead, as young and fair''
: As aught of mortal [[birth]];
+
:: ''As aught of mortal [[birth]];''
: And form so soft, and charms so rare,
+
: ''And form so soft, and charms so rare,''
: Too soon return'd to [[Earth]]!
+
:: ''Too soon return'd to [[Earth]]!''
: Though Earth receiv'd them in her bed,
+
: ''Though Earth receiv'd them in her bed,''
: And o'er the spot the crowd may tread
+
:: ''And o'er the spot the crowd may tread''
: In carelessness or mirth,
+
: ''In carelessness or mirth,''
: There is an eye which could not brook
+
:: ''There is an eye which could not brook''
: A moment on that grave to look.
+
: ''A moment on that grave to look.''
: Fug the po-lice.
+
:: ''Fug the po-lice.''
   
 
and "She walks in [[Booty]]":
 
and "She walks in [[Booty]]":
   
: She walks in boo-tay, like the night
+
: ''She walks in boo-tay, like the night''
: Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
+
::: ''Of cloudless climes and starry skies;''
: And all that's best of dark and bright
+
: ''And all that's best of dark and bright''
: Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
+
::: ''Meet in her aspect and her eyes:''
: But she ain't givin' me the ho'in' I need
+
: ''But she ain't givin' me the ho'in' I need''
: Is Lord Byron gonna have to slap a bitch?
+
::: ''Is Lord Byron gonna have to slap a bitch?''
   
It was during this phase that Byron acquired his crack addiction. His style became heavily influenced by [[Marilyn Manson]]'s early works. He also discovered the [[umlaut]], and quickly started abusing it in its endovenous form.
+
It was during this phase that Byron acquired his crack addiction. His style heavily influenced by [[Marilyn Manson]]'s early works. He also discovered the [[umlaut]], and quickly started abusing it in its endovenous form.
   
: ÐâRKÑ맧
+
: ''ÐâRKÑ맧''
: í HâÐ â ÐRëâM, WHíÇH W⧠ÑôT ⣣ â ÐRëâM.
+
: ''í HâÐ â ÐRëâM, WHíÇH W⧠ÑôT ⣣ â ÐRëâM.''
: THë ßRíGHT §úÑ W⧠ë×TíÑGúí§H'Ð, âÑÐ THë §TâR§
+
: ''THë ßRíGHT §úÑ W⧠ë×TíÑGúí§H'Ð, âÑÐ THë §TâR§''
: ÐíÐ WâÑÐëR ÐâRK£íÑG íÑ THë ëTëRÑ⣠§þâÇë,
+
: ''ÐíÐ WâÑÐëR ÐâRK£íÑG íÑ THë ëTëRÑ⣠§þâÇë,''
: Râݣ맧, âÑÐ þâTH£ë§§, âÑÐ THë íÇÝ ëâRTH
+
: ''Râݣ맧, âÑÐ þâTH£ë§§, âÑÐ THë íÇÝ ëâRTH''
   
   
 
He later recovered in his "Happy Phase", in which he wrote the following:
 
He later recovered in his "Happy Phase", in which he wrote the following:
   
: I'm gonna soak up the sun
+
: ''I'm gonna soak up the sun''
: Gonna tell everyone
+
: ''Gonna tell everyone''
: To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
+
: ''To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)''
: I've got [[no one]] to blame
+
: ''I've got [[no one]] to blame''
: For every time I feel lame
+
: ''For every time I feel lame''
: I'm looking up o I'm gonna soak up the sun
+
: ''I'm looking up o I'm gonna soak up the sun''
: I'm gonna soak up the sun
+
: ''I'm gonna soak up the sun''
   
 
While this poem became the #1 Summer Jam of 1824, [[critics]] usually call it "amateur" and "uncharacteristic of Byron's previous works".
 
While this poem became the #1 Summer Jam of 1824, [[critics]] usually call it "amateur" and "uncharacteristic of Byron's previous works".
Line 81: Line 88:
 
His letter to best buddy and rumoured [[gay]] lover Thomas Moore best summarised his plight:
 
His letter to best buddy and rumoured [[gay]] lover Thomas Moore best summarised his plight:
   
: My Dearest Thomas:
+
: ''My Dearest Thomas:''
: Why do all these crackers have to be up in my grill? Lord Byron gotta be Lord Byron. I do :what I
+
: ''Why do all these crackers have to be all up in my grill? Lord Byron gotta be Lord Byron, you know? I do what I need to ''do''. Oh, and tell that [[fool]] Oscar Wilde if he ever shows up on my turf again, I'm gone bust a cap in his jive ass.''
: need to do. Oh, and tell that [[fool]] Oscar Wilde if he ever shows up on my turf again, I'll have :to
+
: ''With [[love]],''
: bust a cap in his jive head.
+
: ''Lord Byron''
: With [[love]],
 
: Lord Byron
 
 
 
: P.S. Are we still on for tonight?
+
: ''P.S. We still on for tonight?''
   
 
===The Byronic Hero===
 
===The Byronic Hero===
The Byronic Hero is 2 pounds of thinly sliced [[turkey]], ham, salami, and [[cheese]] on rye and is typically served with those [[cute]] party toothpicks. It is usually characterised by rebellion and a distaste for society.
+
The Byronic Hero is two pounds of thinly sliced [[turkey]], honey-glazed ham, cannabis, salami, marijuana, and [[cheese]] on rye and is typically served with some of those [[cute]] party toothpicks with little olives on the end. It is usually characterised by rebellion and a distaste for society, yet a haughty appreciation for tasty lunchmeats and hallucinogenic drugs.
   
 
==Death==
 
==Death==
Byron died on May 25, 1840 in a pistol duel with Oscar Wilde at Wilde's East [[London]] apartment in what was promoted by Don King as the "Spat in the Flat".
+
[[Image:B&W.jpg|thumb|left|Life-long rivals Lord Byron (left) and Oscar Wilde during a "Fisticuffs Match" as they face off in the ring at WrestleMania I.]]
  +
Lord Byron was killed on May 25, 1840, in a pistol duel with Oscar Wilde at Wilde's East [[London]] apartment in what was promoted by Don King as the "Spat in the Flat".
  +
  +
Sightings of him in the Himalayas wearing a fur coat should be completely ignored unless you see him there, in which case contact the nearest asylum and yell "I AM JOSEPHINE!!!" really loud.
   
{{Oscar|Lord Byron... what a f*cking pussy.}}
+
{{-}}
  +
{{WildeGuide}}
   
== See also ==
+
{{FA|date=20 June 2005|revision=76357}}
Lord [[British]], Lady Byron, ''Isn't it Byronic''
 
   
[[Category: Writers|Byron]]
+
[[Category:Writers]]
[[Category: Nobility|Lord Byron]]
+
[[Category:Nobility]]
[[Category: Fruits|Byron]]
+
[[Category:Fruits]]
  +
[[Category:Vital articles]]

Latest revision as of 14:04, June 17, 2013

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Lord Byron.
Byronmentos

Lord Byron early in his career

George "Flash" Gordon Byron XII aka The Byronic Man, aka Mr. "Scandalous Bisexual Affairs", more commonly known as Lord Byron, was a landlord, poet, world uncycling champion, crack addict, dolphin trainer, cross-dresser, community college graduate, and, most notably, Oscar Wilde's fiercest rival.

edit Childhood

Byron was born in West Stabbing, Nubia, on January 13th, 1813, which eerily enough is the same date that Walker, Texas Ranger (which is said to have gained inspiration from Byron's works) was cancelled 190 years later. Early on he was stricken with a bad case of ass flu, which was crushed by Margaret Thatcher with her bare hands (not to be confused with her bear hands). Byron survived through such heartbreak as his struggles with mime attacks, his dyslxeia, and his mother/father Fredina's multiple sex changes (which is said to be the inspiration for his poem Manfredish). Eventually he graduated from San Diego Community College with a degree in bleariness.

edit Rise of Byron

Cookiebrownie258

Byron became noticed in the artistic community with his many appearances in Mentos commercials, which he also wrote the jingles for:

Who killed John Keats?
"I," says the Quarterly,
So savage and Tartarly;
"Twas one of my feats."
Mentos: the Freshmaker!

Eventually his work gained so much notice that was recruited by noted poet dEaThs33ker_20, whose Xanga entries are often considered to be classic. Byron worked under _20 for 7 months, and became poet laureate of the Intarweb after _20's ironically unexpected death.

edit Notable works

Although his epic Don Juan and the less-appreciated sequel Don Juan 2: The Quickening are his most-known works, he also compiled a large list of poetry.

  • To a beautiful Quaker Oatmeal bar
  • The Chameleon
  • Beppo the Hippo
  • Citizen Cain
  • 867-5309
  • 9 Tips to finding his Pleasure Zone (Cosmo article)

edit Criticism

Byron is considered the 1337est romantic poet of his day. He often appealed to young readership, as evidenced in his poem OMGWTFBBQ:

R4m3mb3r th33! r3m3mb3r teeh!!!!111one
t!11 137h3 qu3n<|-| 1!f3's 8ur/\!/\g 57r33m
R3/\/\0r53 and 5h4m3 5h411 <1!ng to 7h33,
And h4un+ 7|-|33 like a f3\/3r!5h dream!!!???/

This poem is widely considered to symbolise the struggles that youth go through in the struggle to find meaning in life, especially when some n00bs are camping like a bunch of homos.

However, Byron went through a puzzling Radical Phase, where unusual and inflammatory statements infested otherwise good poetry, as seen in "And Thou Art Dead, Mothaf*cka":

And thou art dead, as young and fair
As aught of mortal birth;
And form so soft, and charms so rare,
Too soon return'd to Earth!
Though Earth receiv'd them in her bed,
And o'er the spot the crowd may tread
In carelessness or mirth,
There is an eye which could not brook
A moment on that grave to look.
Fug the po-lice.

and "She walks in Booty":

She walks in boo-tay, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
But she ain't givin' me the ho'in' I need
Is Lord Byron gonna have to slap a bitch?

It was during this phase that Byron acquired his crack addiction. His style heavily influenced by Marilyn Manson's early works. He also discovered the umlaut, and quickly started abusing it in its endovenous form.

ÐâRKÑ맧
í HâÐ â ÐRëâM, WHíÇH W⧠ÑôT ⣣ â ÐRëâM.
THë ßRíGHT §úÑ W⧠ë×TíÑGúí§H'Ð, âÑÐ THë §TâR§
ÐíÐ WâÑÐëR ÐâRK£íÑG íÑ THë ëTëRÑ⣠§þâÇë,
Râݣ맧, âÑÐ þâTH£ë§§, âÑÐ THë íÇÝ ëâRTH


He later recovered in his "Happy Phase", in which he wrote the following:

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up o I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun

While this poem became the #1 Summer Jam of 1824, critics usually call it "amateur" and "uncharacteristic of Byron's previous works".

His letter to best buddy and rumoured gay lover Thomas Moore best summarised his plight:

My Dearest Thomas:
Why do all these crackers have to be all up in my grill? Lord Byron gotta be Lord Byron, you know? I do what I need to do. Oh, and tell that fool Oscar Wilde if he ever shows up on my turf again, I'm gone bust a cap in his jive ass.
With love,
Lord Byron
P.S. We still on for tonight?

edit The Byronic Hero

The Byronic Hero is two pounds of thinly sliced turkey, honey-glazed ham, cannabis, salami, marijuana, and cheese on rye and is typically served with some of those cute party toothpicks with little olives on the end. It is usually characterised by rebellion and a distaste for society, yet a haughty appreciation for tasty lunchmeats and hallucinogenic drugs.

edit Death

B&W

Life-long rivals Lord Byron (left) and Oscar Wilde during a "Fisticuffs Match" as they face off in the ring at WrestleMania I.

Lord Byron was killed on May 25, 1840, in a pistol duel with Oscar Wilde at Wilde's East London apartment in what was promoted by Don King as the "Spat in the Flat".

Sightings of him in the Himalayas wearing a fur coat should be completely ignored unless you see him there, in which case contact the nearest asylum and yell "I AM JOSEPHINE!!!" really loud.


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All Things Wilde: A listing of everything about Oscar Wilde
Biography

The Man - The Internet Meme - The Project - User Page - Other User Page - The Category - The Huge Category - Gallery - News - Stage Name

Other Oscars

Oscar Mayer - Oscar the Grouch - Oskar Schindler - Oscars

Enemies

Lord Byron - Joseph Ducreux - Samuel Johnson - Lord Salisbury - Mark Twain

Quotes

By Letter: A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P - Q - R - S - T - U - V - W - X - Y - Z - 0 — 9 - # ∩ ~ ...
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Writings & Inventions

Girls Gone Wilde - I'm a Wilde Guy - The Importance of Being Earnest - The Most Quotable Smackdown of All Time -

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Seuss on Wilde - Wilde On - Wildeboys

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