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“Wow, it's bright out here”
“It was so good the first time, I'm coming back”
“Living is easy with eyes closed”
Living involves not dying. Living has been attempted by many people but, so far, has only been mastered by a few. Everyone who has lived, has died, except for the 6.77 billion people who continue to try living today. Living was invented by single cell microorganisms in the year 3,500 B.C. (citation needed), although no one knows for sure which microorganisms invented living, it is believed his name was Winston J. Humpheries the third.
The Dinosaurs, who once made a decent attempt at living, failed miserably when they became extinct 4,000 years ago.
Those people who attempt the following often fail at living:
- Kissing a polar bear
- Talking to a snake
- Catching a piano dropped from a 5 story building
- Making love to a chain saw
- Eating McDonalds for three consecutive meals
- Moving to Africa
- Offering rides to hitchhikers wearing hockey masks
- Messing around with Jim (or, possibly, Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown)
- Having sex with a monkey
- Entering a knife eating contest, and
- Practicing dentistry on an alligator.
- Using the ejector button on a helecopter.
Successful attempts at living
Other than Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Dick Clark and Cher, Turtles have been the most successful at living. They have the ability to live forever, but often take their own lives after 200-300 years, due to the depression of being mocked by faster animals.
A 'liver' is someone who lives to his or her fullest potential. Ironically, many times these people need a new liver from living so vivaciously.
There are many ongoing debates about living, including:
- When it begins
- Can we terminate it
- Is Elvis doing it.
- Is it really worth it?
All these questions are answered by a simple yes...I mean no...well, yes, you've got a point...no, forget what I just said - the answer is yes...strike that, no.
When you are about to stop living (see dying) you come to realize you should have spent much more time in the office. People often say these words just before their living experience ends:
- I think I can make it.
- Are you sure this wire if off ?
- No, I'm fine, seriously. I love you man.
- Is this parachute strapped on correctly ?
- Nobody double dog dares me.
- Yes O.J., I will marry you.
- Is that an iceberg ?