Lions

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“I know what I want for christmas”

~ Oscar Wilde on Lions

“Those things in that movie I was in?”

~ Jonathan Taylor Thomas on lions

Lions are small robots designed by Lobster Jesus to hunt Emos. You stand a good chance of defeating a lion 1-1, but in large numbers, lions are deadly. Lions are often said to be the inspiration for the strange creatures featured in the disney film 'the lion king' but this is unproven.

[edit] Appearance

Lions are typically denoted as gay with their gay frilly manes. Upon seeing one, you should quickly get in the nearest car.

At some times of day (or night) however, lions can look freakily non-gay. This is owing to them changing their appearance depending on whether they want to look gay. A lion would never tell you he was gay, unless he wasn't. Such is the manipulative mind of the gay lion.

[edit] Diet

Cows, Richard Nixon, Miley Cyrus and that guy who lives in my backyard.

[edit] Temperament

It has been broadcast in recent years that lions are becoming increasingly easily offended. Their prey in recent years have lost their consideration for others. This has led to increase in lion obesity as when are lions are unhappy they eat more. Don't you feel bad for the lions?

[edit] History

The first prototype lion was built in Volgograd around 1233AD. It was crude, with 3 bicycle wheels for propultion, and a set of large Titanium teeth for armament. Later models would feature anti-gravity units, kitten based weapons, rocket propultion, Iridium armour alloys, and even halogen light bulbs. The most effective model is the cuthrought razor dispensor, as it lets the Emos do the work themselves

[edit] Demise

For hundreds of years, lions kept Emo culture underground around the world, but in recent years their effectiveness has began to decline. Why? No one knows for sure. Some suggest that fast food has given lions poor health, others say that lobster Jesus's untimely death has traumatised them.

[edit] Successor

So far there is no indication that a successor to the lion is being designed. Some large corporations have launched immitation lions, all of which where destroyed within 10 days of release as the emo's suicidal tendencies rubbed off on them.

[edit] Habitat

Lions can be found only in Kenya and the Atlantic Ocean. They do, however, go to Detroit to die.

[edit] Known Predators

• Ostrich
• House Kitten
• Tom Cruise
• Carrots
• Dog
• Brooms
• Hair brushes
• Hippo
• Ligers
• Tigers
• Bears
• OH MY
• Vikings
• Packers (whatever the hell those are)

[edit] Note Of Reference

These are not to be confused with the two-legged kind of lion. They are owned solely by two german magicians in Las Vegas. They crawl around and speak in grunts and growls when people are around (the lions, not the germans), and have an unfortunate weakness for catnip. Some accusations of kitten huffing have been heard, but these acts of cannabalism have never been proved. They are distantly related to the type of lion that includes Simba, Aslan (he really isn't Jesus!) and others... (ahem - your mom ). They also seem to live their lives like a sitcom, and from certain (government) sources, it has been learned that they only speak what they hear from a certain animated sitcom company. They still rip emos to shreds when ever they get the opportunity, though.

lions like to fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!