Lindsay Lohan

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Lindsay Lohan stripping, photo taken as she turns around for your seduction

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan (born July 2, 1986) is an American crack whore, alcoholic, potential bisexual, attention whore and winner of a dual Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Actress who performed astonishingly well on the charts when she tried out being a pop singer. She is well-known for her involvement in the OJ Simpson trial, an awesome rapper, and a ginger.

Freckles

When Lindsay was born, her parents immediately enrolled her in Hollywood's Toothsome Academy for Future Stars. They hoped that a casting call would in the future include the requirement Wanted:Kid with freckles and Fair Skin. Lindsay narrowly lost out to Macaulay Culkin for Home Alone and to her great rival Christina Ricci in the Adams Family franchise. She eventually got a role in the TV series Another World. It seems a director saw this and thought Lindsay would be good in the film remake of The Parent Trap. Playing twin sisters separated at birth, Lindsay's freckles got her more noticed than her acting. Some of the audience were physically sick watching her on screen, her desperation to be loved added a drowning level of syrup on the finished product.

Origins

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Lohan was all set to follow the squeaky-clean route of child star to adult raver as followed by Britney Spears, Drew Barrymore, Shirley Temple, Christina Ricci but she chose to do this away from the film or tv screens. Instead Lohan chose to act out the rest of her career on You Tube and on court TV. Those who are generous are saying Lohan is just getting in all the life experiences she missed a child and that by the age of 30 she will be the next Angelina Jolie.

This would explain why Lohan has been very choosy about her film roles. Quite surprisingly, she withdrew from a film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's A Woman of No Importance.[1] Her recently preferred film roles were to appear naked with ridiculous hair extensions in Machete, an unerotic pole dancer (and playing her own twin so you got a double helping) in I Know Who Killed Me and a dim witted John Lennon fan in Chapter 27, a film about The Beatles' man assassin Mark Chapman. Lindsay recently posed nude for Playboy magazine twice within in a week. Her first studio session was viewed as such a turn off that the magazine feared it would effect sales.

She also violated her probation recently. Naughty girl! She also has her own parking spot reserved for her at the Beverly Hills Courthouse.

In December 2011, she got those bad-boys out for Playboy. However other badder boys leaked them on to the internet before the magazine came out. Lindsay's fee for posing was subsequently reduced.

Elizabeth Taylor

Lindsay Lohan took time off from prison and partying to get drunk and boozy for her role of Elizabeth Taylor in the tv film Dick & Liz Get Shouty Drunk Together. Lohan's performance as the pill popping, bed hopping, histrionic drama queen Elizabeth Taylor was said to be 'so close to reality that you would swear (a lot) that she wasn't acting. Lohan hoped this role would lead to many others. The phone hasn't started ringing yet.


Gallery

Footnotes

  1. Perhaps she realized just how appropriate a choice she was for the role.
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