Lil' Kim

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Lil kim

Lil' Kim's breasts have started experiencing conversion to metal not unlike that of Doctor Doom.

“She's no Saint but hey, who the hell is?”

Kimberly Small-fry Jones, (born July 11, 1975), better known by her stage name Lil' Kim, is an American rapper and actress who suffers from dwarfism. She rose to fame as the only female member of now long forgotten rap group Junior M.A.F.I.A., which was founded and mentored by deceased rapper Christopher Wallace known as Notorious B.I.G or Biggie. Kim has gone on to enjoy moderate success as a solo rapper with four studio albums and three of them actually making the top ten in America. Yes really. She is best known for her controversial and blatantly rude and crass sexual lyrics which has attracted many fans including such figures as the Pope and Queen Elizabeth II.

edit Early life

Kim was born in 1975 to Kylie Minogue and Hitler. She obviously inherited her father's extremely sexy legs. After the shock revelation Minogue and foster father the Antichrist undertook relationship counseling but their attempts at a reconciliation were futile and the couple divorced in 1984 just after Kim's ninth birthday.

edit Relationship with B.I.G.

Kim, seeking solace, fell into the arms, (and bed,) of the Notorious B.I.G. who would later compensate her by putting her in a rap group. At the time of the affair, (B.I.G. was married) B.I.G. was still alive and not dead which is a good thing because otherwise Kim could face charges for necrophilia which is illegal and very wrong.

edit Sexual image

Kim has on countless occasions defended herself claiming she is not a whore despite the fact that the theme of most of her songs is her having sexual intercourse with or without a partner! (see masturbation). Indeed in the song "How many licks" Kim states that she has been a lot of places, seen a lot of faces, oh she even f***s with different races. These lyrics were praised by Mother Teresa who endorsed Kim's speaking up and saying what every girl, including herself, secretly did on their Saturday nights.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lil' Kim.

edit Music

Kim has recorded songs with such artists as Christina Shagulera and Missy Elliot. She states that her musical influences include those of Elvis Presley, the Crazy Frog and the soundtrack to the Paris Hilton film 1 night in Paris.

edit Prison

Kim has recently spent time in prison for lieing for some of her boys in a court of law. Then these so called "boys" went and told the court what happened anyway making her lies pointless and more importantly incriminating. Kim spent ten months in prison but was released after her boys broke her out and she spent four months on the run where she hooked up with fellow fugitive Osama Bin Laden. Soon the charges were dropped and all was magically forgiven and Kim continues to live a relatively normal life.

edit Future work

Kim is currently working on her fifth studio album is also planning even more plastic surgery and is hoping that by the year 2015 she will have caught up with Michael Jackson. She is planning to release her own series of children's book focusing on main character "Billy the Pussy-stroking Rapper."

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