Life of Pi

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Lifeofpi
A Tiger? What's with that? Snakes on a Plane was more believable!

Life of Pi is a novel about an Indian boy named Pi being stranded on a boat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean - accompanied only by an aggressive Bengal Tiger who's recently committed a killing spree. Pi, who may remind you of that incredibly smart Indian boy from calculus class, must use his trigonometry skills to navigate the world's largest ocean using only the constellations in the night sky and his hallucinations of a sarcastic and annoying Ghandi who occasionally gives advice. With no food, water or clothes Pi must survive for months without showering while trying to avoid getting torn apart by the full-sized tiger right next to him. Will his stay on the lifeboat end in a gruesome and bloody death at the hands of a Bengal Tiger or will it end in a comparatively peaceful death of drowning and being eaten by sharks?

Yann Martel did some research by stalking an Indian neighbor's child for two weeks and writing down a list of stereotypes that could be included in a future novel. Martel then came up with the concept of writing Life of Pi after reading "Moby Dick", thinking "Hey, I could write a sadistic novel about a helpless Indian boy being stranded on a boat with a huge, aggressive animal while his close family members die horribly violent deaths."

There is a version of this novel translated by a starving Indian boy working at a call center into British English as well as a badly translated version of the novel into French.

edit Pi's Life

Pi was born to a family of 22 children, 7 of which were boys. He grew up in the small town of Vedapureeswarar Salihtya, located in the French influenced region of Pondicherry. Since his parents owned a zoo, Pi became fascinated with animals. He even tried to have sex with a few of the goats and started trying to have sex with other animals as well after finding out how satisfying it felt. When his father found out about Pi's sexual relations with animals he was terribly upset at first but then realized it was a good opportunity to teach him a "life lesson".

Pi's father took Pi aside and said to him, "Son, you have seen animals before, but now it is time for me to show you how dangerous animals can be!"

Pi's father led him to a tiger cage and proceeded to throw a live goat into it - forcing Pi to watch the goat get savagely mauled and die a slow, painful death. His father then called Pi's brother Ravi over - saying it was time that he also learned about the dangers of animals. Pi's father picked Ravi up by the scruff of his neck and tossed him into the cage while Pi watched in horror as his brother got bloodily torn up by the tiger more efficiently than the goat.

After Pi's father fed his brother to the tiger he said, "Remember Pi, the most dangerous of all animals is you. Humans are even more dangerous than the fiercest of tigers and I hope you and Ravi learned a lesson from this. Now, who wants some apple pie?"

Because of these traumatic experience Pi became mentally unstable and was approaching the brink of insanity. Pi realized the only way to cure himself was to become religious as quickly as possible - with no regard for what he actually worshiped. The next morning, after drinking Gogl-Mogl laced with grain alcohol, Pi traveled to the Kerala Synagogue and declared himself to be Jewish. Shortly after that, Pi went to the Kizhuri Mosque and joined Islam after a bearded man wearing a suicide vest threatened to blow him up if he didn't become a Muslim. Pi soon joined Christianity and Buddhism as well before finally inventing his own religion which he named Piscism. Pi's parents quickly enrolled him into a mental institution shortly after they found out about his faith based Hinduism. Then he started meowing, and he was placed into solitary confinement. Then Martel saw Inception, and wrote the rest of the story about Pi's dream.

edit Characters in Pi's Life

edit Piscine Molitor Vasudev Terrorist Patel

Usually referred to as "Pi" (Pie is also a tasty desert, especially with ice cream and strawberries), he narrates the story from heaven after he gets torn up by the Bengal Tiger and dies. Pi is emotionally confused and his only friends are the fictional cast of Slumdog Millionaire

edit Richard Parker

Richard Parker is a scary, misnamed tiger who's continuously imagining different ways to feast on Pi's body. Parker is torn between barbecued Pi with potato salad or Pi Sashimi and soft shell crab. Parker uses Pi's body as a pillow when he falls asleep and treats him like his personal slave. Parker growls at Pi if he forgets to give him his daily back massage and roars at Pi if he dares to look at the irresistibly delicious shrimp cocktail he keeps next to him. Richard Parker uses his long tail as a whip and his intimidating appearance is an incentive for Pi to do his various chores quickly.

edit Life of Pi Controversies

Pi's life has been deemed unbelievable because a person cannot exist while being affiliated with that many religions simultaneously. Normal people would be killed by Jewish suicide bombers or naked guys who burn crosses on lawns. Various religious groups declared that if the fictional Pi didn't openly choose an alliance with a single religion, immediately, then Yann Martel would run the risk of becoming the next Salman Rushdie. The Pope soon issued an ultimatum that if Martel didn't choose a religion for Pi within a week he would declare a Catholic fatwah or holy war against him.

Pi has also been criticized by animal rights groups for his maltreatment of animals. Pi has been charged with 314 counts of fish abuse, including a racially motivated slaughtering of Black Sea Turtles. Pi has been charged with 109 counts of bird abuse for throwing huge rocks at pigeons and calling the birds "damn rats with wings".

Still, others criticize Pi's life for being so excessively boring that it created a safety hazard for people who attempted to read the book. A woman from Vancouver filed a lawsuit because she read Life of Pi while driving and it made her fall asleep and crash her car into the Westfield mall.

Currently, the author of Life of Pi, Yann Martel, is attending his local Mental Institute full-time.

edit See also

Personal tools
projects