Life after Death Inc.

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 06:36, December 1, 2010 by 72.74.226.188 (talk)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

Every week, thousands of deceased men, women and children are buried or even burned. This is an incredible waste of human resources, just because someone dies does not mean that they cease to be a valuable member of society.

Here at Life after Death Inc. we supply corpses for every occasion. You can choose a body from our fully illustrated, 900 page catalogue, or visit one of our many showrooms situated around the country. Our helpful and friendly staff will be only too pleased to assist you. In the unlikely event that you cannot find the corpse you want, we can easily make one up to your specifications in under an hour! Our prices are very competitive and if you are not completely satisfied with your model, return it within 10 days for your money back![1]

edit But wait there's more!

In addition to individual selection, we also provide a series of all in one packages, (or 'bodybags' as we like to call them,) These are:

  • My Famous Friend (CODE:N1S-CTT)
  • A New Member of the Family (CODE:N1I-CYY)
  • The Racist Special (CODE:N1R-VRT)
  • The Practical Joke (CODE:N1P-GTY)

edit My Famous Friend - $800 Inc. Delivery

Do people say your parties are boring? Tired of the same conversations over dinner? Yes, then this package is for you! Imagine the look of surprise and envy on your friends faces when they sit down at your dinner table, and find themselves sharing it with Princess Diana[2] or Mother Theresa! Yes, simply select a celebrity from our extensive list and our skilled surgeons and make up artists will do the rest!

edit A New Member of the Family - $1500 Inc. Delivery and Ongoing Maintenance

Whether you can't afford the outrageous cost and effort of raising a 'traditional' child, or are simply too old to have one, this is the package for you. We supply you with one of our child corpses, (some settling may occur during transit,) to your specs. We can even gift wrap it for a friend! (We realise that this will be a sensitive time for the family so we will practice full discretion.) You will have access to a private 24 hour Technical Support hotline in case of an accident, or if you wish to 'upgrade' to an older model. All this for a one-off payment of just $1500!

This is what satisfied customers Mr and Mrs Johnson said about us;

Cquote1 Well, at first there was a small problem with bullying and some unusually hot weather, but now our little Johnny has many friends. We just thank God that LaD could make our dreams come true. Cquote2

edit The Racist Special - $1000.99 Inc. Delivery (One-off payment)

Tired of being considered scum for venting your frustrations on ethnic minorities? Tired of people protesting while you're trying to kick the shit out of them with your friends? Yes? Place your order today! We supply corpses of all races for you to spend your evenings kicking, all in the comfort of your own home! You show them what you're really made of!

edit The Practical Joke - $200 Inc. Delivery

You provide us with access to the recipients house or office and leave the rest to our imagination! You'll laugh for hours when your friends partner opens their closet containing our 'Kinky Corpse,' or opens the fridge to get some fish fingers, only to find our award winning 'Eskimo Corpse!'

edit PLACE YOUR ORDER NOW!

And remember, at LaD, "A corpse is for life!"

edit Footnotes

  1. Not applicable for models in the 'mature' category due to hygiene regulations.
  2. Due to public demand for this model, there may be a waiting period of up to 2 weeks.
Spork This page was originally sporked from www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/2178/corpse.htm.
Personal tools
projects