Libya
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| This article hates America, just like everyone else does. See more about Unamerica.
Consequently, this article lacks much or any redeeming intellectual value. However, even though no one smarter than a doorknob has contributed significantly to this article, it still contains more truth than you may be able to handle. |
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| Motto: Jahiriyyah to Al-Jamaahiriyyah, iLove Libya | |||||
| Anthem: Ghetto Anthem, The Great One Socialism's Libya the Al Jalamamariyya | |||||
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| Capital | Tripoli, previously Monopoli and Dipoli; to be followed by Tetrapoli, Pentapoli | ||||
| Previous capital | Cartago, Baghdad, Istanbul, Rome | ||||
| Largest city | Benghazi "Rome of Africa" | ||||
| Official languages | Arabic (45%), language of Qus Qus (55%), Mute (80%) [most of Libyan people afraid of speaking something in public] | ||||
| Government | Plurarist Dictatorship | ||||
| Leader | Muammar Al Bin Qaddafi "the graetest wolf in Africa" | ||||
| Major exports | Dinosaur piss, dinosaur poops, Jihad Mujahedeens, AK47s, sands, turtles, Black Hole sun, Qaddafi Photography, Airplane Security Maintenance, Old Interesting Landmarks (OIL) | ||||
| Major imports | Nuke, Russian Weapons | ||||
| National Icon | Qadaffi "The One". | ||||
| National Hero(es) | *Muammar Al Bin Qaddafi *Muhammad Ali "Southern Wolf" *Al Mahmoud "Gangsta" Bin Ghazali *Yassir Arrafat "Da Don" *Saddam *Osama | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | 1947 to 1951 | ||||
| Currency | Dinaar, sand | ||||
| Religion | Sunni Islam, Sunni Christian, Sunni | ||||
| Population | Officialy 5 million; about 500 unidentified tribals, 6149 Sudan refugees, 1000 sandy people | ||||
"Colonel Qaddafi is the mad - the mad - you know, he's the mad - Dang, what's it called now? I mean Colonel Qaddafi is the Evil Empire of the Middle East. No, wait. That's the Soviet Union. And it's not in the Middle East, either. What I meant to say was that Colonel Qaddafi is the mad - the mad barking animal of the Middle East. Dog! That's it! The mad dog! Where's my pap-pap?"
~President Ronald Reagan on Libya's leader Qaddafi
"The Lebian what the f*ck Jehemorria??! Dizshit is too long!"
~Captain Obvious
The Libyan Great Awesome Oil Producing Significant and Of-which-place-in-the-map-is-Obvious-to-those-having-two-eyes-and-a-nose-and-a-mouth Socialist Fabulous Shiny Socialist Arab-iacly Magnificient Jamaicaharharbiriya is the country next to Egypt. No, not that one! That is Israel. On the other side. Not that one, either. That country is Sudan. Yes, that's Libya over there!
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[edit] General information
- Libya is a tropican country with beautiful beaches of blue sky and white clouds, blue ocean and black men. Half of the beaches are undeveloped and you can enjoy watching pretty turtles having sex on every segments.
- There are 5 million Arabs and Qus Qus people living nomadic lives. Despite Western media lies, Libyan people eat Qus Qus, not KFC. And also half of Libyan security guards are female (including bodyguards of Colonel Qadaffi) like Iran and unemployment rate is estimated as -23%.
- Libyan government thinks the entire citizens are taking part of their Magnificent Military Batallion of Libya Al Jamahiriyyah, but thats not true. 90% of Libyans doesn't have bombs and AK47s, not as if they are Iraqis. They also love to make bombproof on their adobe houses, instead of suicide bombing them.
- In joint with Iraq, Iran, Egypt and Jamaica, they formed a coallition called MEC.
[edit] Fun With FLags
Official Flag This is their real flag. No Shit.([1]) We apologize for the current lack of disinformation, but we were awstruck by the sheer competence of their cultural ministry.
Editors Note: It is widely believed that if Libya were to make a new flag, it would look like this.
[edit] History
Libya was a desert on BC 9000. It was a plenty of sand, sand, sand...like porn, porn, porn in United Spades of America. No one was really tried to live there behind because lack of water, woman, snow, mosques, cities, homes, dreams and perhaps some more. But the history changed 180 degrees when old Italian mafia invaded Libya for some interest of hunting turtles, found Old interesting landmarks (aka OIL) in 1914. It has became the biggest proof of existence of old civilization known as dinosaur, and since then, Libyan biggest import has became dinasour fossils and some retarded ammonite thingies which looks really similar with Pokemon monsters.
[edit] Ancient history
Libya has a long history of mutual hatred with several historical superpowers, including Ancient Egypt, the Roman Empire, Italy, and the United States. Italy has never actually been a superpower, so it is funny to classify it as one. The great Egyptian Pharaoh Ramesses II described the Libyan leader Mamaris Khadafis as "the mad jackal of the west" in his grand obelisk erected approximately 1260 B.C.
Roman legions conquered Libya in 100 B.C., earning their empire the hatred of the Libyan rebel leader Marius Gadafius, who accused the Roman republic of imperialism. Later, one of his grandchildren, Gaius Marius Gadafius, accused Imperial Rome of imperialism. These accusations were ignored, because Imperial Rome was considered to be imperialist by definition. The Romans described the Libyan leaders as "the insane dogs of the south".
[edit] Modern history
A couple of centuries after the fall of the Roman Empire, Arab armies conquered Libya, introducing the new habit of Islamic extremism to the country. After this, nothing worth mentioning happened in nine centuries. In the 16th century, Solomon the Magnificent, Sultan of the Turks, conquered all North Africa but Morocco and since then Libya became a safe haven for pirates and anti-imperialist Mujahedeens until the 19th century saw the country being occupied and colonized by Italy. The era of Italian rule left Libya with an improved road network and a tradition of military leaders following the example set by Benito Mussolini. Plus, the Italian colonization also explains why so many Libyan people and places have Italian names, like Khadafi, Tripoli, Benghazi etc.
[edit] The Green Revolution
After the Second World War, Libya emerged as an independent kingdom led by H.M. King Idris. Colonel Qaddafi, known as "the roughneck hyena of the Arab", and his Colonel colleagues ousted the King in the Green Revolution of 1969. The Libyan people had grewn weary of the despotic King and his tyrannic style of rule and wanted to give a chance to a league of despotic colonels and their tyrannic style of rule. History has shown that Libyans are more fond of a Revolutionary military dictatorship than a Royal military dictatorship.
After the revolution, Libya has been a staunch supporter of Arab nationalism. Because of this, Libya has been at odds with the outside world from time to time.
In 1985, for example, Libyan terrorists gunned down the greatest scientist of our time, Dr. Emmett Brown. Great Scott! All he did was steal their plutonium. Thankfully Marty McFly was able to go back in time and reverse these tragic events, so they never really happened. But he almost had to make out with his own mom! Actually, the year 1955 wasn't so bad except for all the manure.
Libya has contributed greatly to the improvement of air travel security after benevolently proving in 1988 just how easy it is - in theory - to smuggle a bomb aboard a passenger jet and to detonate it in mid-air above, say, Scotland, killing everybody on board and a few on the ground. This generous initiative was inspired by the way the United States proved how easy it is to bomb the capital city of an irritating country.
Libyan national flag, adopted in 1977 and designed by Colonel Qaddafi and his colleagues, is a lasting testament to the creativity and genius of the Libyan dictators.
[edit] Politics
Libya has several supreme leaders taking turns. Each military dictator is allowed to rule one day. It is widely believed that the mother of each has refused to breast feed them and they had sex widely and due to the proven fact that camel milk has enough calcium to fuel a pedophile to lead a nation. The leaders of Libya are:
- Colonel Muammar Qaddafi
Colonel Muammar Qaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Al-Gathafi
- Colonel Muammar al-Qadhafi
- Colonel Mu'ammar Al Qathafi
- Colonel Muammar Al Qathafi
- Colonel Mu'Ammar El Qathafi
- Colonel Mohmar "Deathstrike"
- Colonel Paul Muad'Dib
- Colonel Muammar Gadafi
- Colonel Andy Riley
- Colonel Moammar Schwarzenegger
- Kernel Sandurz
- Colonel Tobias Llewellyn Jones
- Colonel Desmond Coyle
- Colonel Moamar Gaddafi
- Colonel Mo'ammar Gadhafi
- Colonel Muammar Gathafi
- Colonel Muammar Ghadafi
- Colonel Muammar Ghaddafi
- Colonel Muammer Tosser
- Colonel Yummy Aaah Coffee
- Colonel Muammar Ghaddafy
- Colonel Frankie Valli
- Colonel Muammar Gheddafi
Colonel Muammar Ghaffady - Colonel Muhammar Gheddafi
- Colonel Momar Kadaffi
- Colonel Mu'amar al-Kad'afi
- Colonel Muamar Kaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Kaddafi
- Colonel Moammar Kadhafi
- Colonel Armand Hammer
- Colonel George Byrne
- Colonel Mouammar Kadhafi
- Colonel Moammar Kazzafi
- Geoff Capes
- Colonel Moammar Khadafy
- Colonel Muammar Khaddafi
- Colonel Moamar al-Gaddafi
- Colonel Moamar el Gaddafi
- Colonel Moamar El Kadhafi
- Colonel Moamar Gaddafi
- Colonel Moamer El Kazzafi
Colonel Moamar Gaddafi - Colonel Mo'ammar el-Gadhafi
- Colonel Moammar El Kadhafi
- Colonel Mo'ammar Gadhafi
- Colonel Moammar Kadhafi
- Colonel David Nicholson
- Colonel Moammar Khadafy
- Colonel Moammar Qudhafi
- Major Dump
- Colonel Mu`amar al-Kad'afi
- Colonel Mu'amar al-Kadafi
- Colonel Declan Lynch
- Colonel Muamar Al-Kaddafi
- Colonel Orville Redenbacher
- Colonel Muamar Kaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Al-Gathafi
- Colonel Muammar al-Khaddafi
- Colonel Mu'ammar al-Qadafi
- Colonel Mu'ammar al-Qaddafi
- Colonel Muammar al-Qadhafi
- Colonel Mu'ammar al-Qadhdhafi
- Colonel Mu`ammar al-Qadhdhāfī
Colonel Mu'ammar al-Qadhdhafi - Colonel Mu'ammar Al Qathafi
- Colonel Muammar Al Qathafi
- Colonel Muammar Gadafi
- Colonel Muammar Gheddafi
- Colonel Muammar Kaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Khaddafi
- Colonel Mu'ammar Qadafi
- Colonel Ken Sweeney
- Colonel Muammar Qaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Qadhafi
- Colonel Mu'ammar Qadhdhafi
- Colonel Paris Vincent Blades
- Colonel Muammar Quathafi
- Colonel Mulazim Awwal Mu'ammar Muhammad Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi
- Colonel Mu'ammar Qadafi
- Colonel Muammar Qadhafi
- Colonel Neil Hannon
- Colonel Mu'ammar Qadhdhāfī
- Colonel Mu'Ammar el Qathafi
Colonel Mu'ammar Qadhdhāfī in his evening gown - Colonel Muammar Quathafi
- The original line-up of the Beatles
- Colonel Moamar AI Kadafi
- Colonel Keith Cullen
- Colonel Moamar Gadhafi
- Colonel Moamer Gaddafi
- Colonel Moamer Kadhafi
- Colonel Moamma Gaddafi
- Colonel Moammar Gaddafi
- Colonel Moammar Gaddafi II
- Colonel Moammar Gaddafi III
- Colonel Moammar Gadhafi
- Colonel Moammar Ghadafi
- Colonel Moammar Khadaffy
- Colonel Moammar Khaddafi
- Colonel Mick McEvoy
- Colonel Jack White
- Colonel Henry Bigbigging
- Colonel Moammar el Gadhafi
- Colonel Moammer Gaddafi
- Colonel Mouammer al Gaddafi
- Colonel Muamar Gaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Al Ghaddafi
Colonel Mouammer al Gaddafi - Colonel Moammar Qudhafi
- Colonel Maummar Gaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Al Qaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Al Qaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Gadafy
- Colonel Hank Tree
- Colonel Muammar Gaddhafi
- Colonel Muammar Gadhafi
- Colonel Muammar Ghadaffi
- Field Marshal Erwin Rommel
- Colonel Muammar Qadthafi
- Colonel Muammar al Gaddafi
- Colonel Muammar el Gaddafy
- Colonel Muammar el Gaddafi
- Colonel Muammar el Qaddafi
- Colonel Muammer Gadaffi
- Colonel Muammer Gaddafi
Colonel Omar Mouammer Al Gaddafi - Colonel Mummar Gaddafi
- Colonel Omar Al Qathafi
- Colonel Omar Mouammer Al Gaddafi
- Colonel Omar Muammar Al Ghaddafi
- Colonel Harland D. Sanders
- Colonel Muammar El Qaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Gadaffi
- Colonel Omar Muammar Al Qaddafi
- Colonel Omar Muammar Al Qathafi
- Colonel Omar Muammar Gaddafi
- Colonel Omar Muammar Ghaddafi
- Colonel Omar al Ghaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Gaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Ghadafi
- Colonel Omar bin Camel Ghadafi
Colonel Omar bin Camel Ghadafi - Colonel Moamar El Gaddafi
- Colonel Moammar El Kadhafi
- Colonel Moamer El Kazzafi
- Colonel Muamer Gadafi
- Colonel Muammar Ghaddafi
- Colonel Muammar Ghaddafy
- Colonel Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel
- Colonel Hiroshima Twinkie
- Colonel Stig Bubblecard
- Colonel Johnny Hellzapoppin`
- Colonel Luke Duke
- Colonel Billy Ferry
- Colonel MUAMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!R JENKINS
- Colonel Chewy Louie
- Colonel John Hoop
- Colonel Hairycake Linehan
- Colonel Rebulah Conundrum
- Colonel Peewee Stairmaster
- Colonel Tighthead Lips
- Colonel Jemima Racktool
- Sir Toss A-lot
Brother Leader - Colonel Jerry Twig
- Colonel Spodo Komodo
- Colonel Cannabranna Lammer
- Colonel Mitch Bukenon
- Colonel Adrian Frank Hirst
- Colonel Tina Turner
- Colonel Imelda Marcos
- Dame Colonel Thora Hird
- Colonel Monorail Cat
- Conrade Colonel David Mitchell
- Colonel Jerry Falwell
- Colonel Muammar Supercaligragilisticexpialidoucious
- Senator Abdullah Bongfasa
- Chuck Norris
- Brother Leader
Note: due to the recent legalisation of civil partnerships in Libya, many of these names are subject to change really soon. The identity of "Brother Leader" is unknown, though recent rumors claim the shades conceal an aging rock star, perhaps Keith Richards.
[edit] Practices
Libya is known for one of the largest consumers of nuclear power, because nuking is the national past-time of Libya. It is generally considered in good taste to bring nuclear-related souvenir for one's host upon entering their home. If someone says something particularly amusing or agreeable, it is proper not to say "Haha!" or "I concur," but, instead, to launch nuclear satellite to show you rejoice. If one meets a long lost relative or friend in the street, it is considered rude not to show them your portable nuclear lightsaber and show them respect. It is commonplace to nuke both parties to show that one is happy for both parties for having found each other. If a relative dies, friends console the grieving relatives by dedicating neutron mine to them and the corpse. Libyans, coincidentally, measure time in buying nuclear weapons, as one occurs on the hour, every hour, in the town square. There is one town square in Libya, located in the city of Benghazi.
[edit] Illegal practices
You could be jailed or executed for doing certain things in Libya. On the other hand, you could also be jailed or executed for not doing certain things in Libya. The worst offenders are deported from the country. This has caused even more people to break the law.
Illegal practices in Libya include:
- riding a 6-wheeled wheel barrow
- failing to hate American Imperialists
- failing to hate Zionist Imperialists
- failing to see the sense in strengthening African unity by offending everybody else
- failing to regard the Colonel Dictators as handsome despite their horrenduos sunglasses and other features
- failing to own the Green Book authored by Colonels Qaddafi, Al-Gathafi, al-Qadhafi etc.
- speaking with foreign reporters, especially with those who have cameras (This law, passed by Colonel Moammar Khadaffy, intends to prevent the Libyan public from losing their souls to the 'magic box' known as camera)
- speaking with family members
- speaking with strangers
- failing to be happy
- complaining, or unpatriotic whining putting the unity of Africa and the entire Arab world at stake, as it is properly called
[edit] Eclipse of the Sun
On March 29 2006 a solar eclipse ocoured in Libya. Quadaffi decided to let Americans in on this day as a way of raising funds by having Americans pay taxes. These taxes included:
- Camera Tax
- Video Camera Tax
- Tourism Tax
- Tax for being in Libya on the day of an eclipse
- Tax for viewing an eclipse
- Tax for Breathing
- Tax for being American
- Tax for using toilet
- Tax for farting
- Tea Tax
- Stamp Tax
- Transportation Tax
- Tax for leaving
- Tax for Speaking Engish
- Tax for not speaking Aribic
- Tax for Tax
- Tax for Tax Tax
[edit] Not To Be Confused With
[edit] External links
| North Africa | Algeria · Egypt · Libya · Morocco · Sudan · Tunisia · Western Sahara | 
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| West Africa | Benin · Burkina Faso · Côte d'Ivoire · Ghana · Guinea · Guinea-Bissau · Liberia · Mali · Mauritania · Niger · Nigeria · Senegal · Sierra Leone · Togo | |
| Central Africa | Angola · Cameroon · Belgium · Central African Republic · Chad · Democratic Republic of the Congo · Equatorial Guinea · Gabon · Republic of the Congo | |
| East Africa | Burundi · Djibouti · Eritrea · Ethiopia · Kenya · Madagascar · Malawi · Mauritius · Mozambique · Rwanda · Seychelles · Somalia · Tanzania · Uganda · West Kenya · Zambia · Rhodesia | |
| Southern Africa | Botswana · Lesotho · Namibia · People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata · South Africa · Swaziland · Zululand | |
| Dependencies | United Kingdom : Gibraltar · Indian Ocean Territory · Isle of Wight · Welsh Congo (Pitcairn Islands) |
