Libertarian Party

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{{Q|Hey! That's my stash!|Adam Smith|the natural right to "self-medicate"}}
The '''Libertarian Party''' platform is something of a departure from traditional [[Ron Paul|yahoo crazy]] ideals, taking its political guidance from a literal interpretation of its name. The word "libertarian" comes from the [[old people|nonsensical]] ''liber,'' or "freedomness," so Libertarians believe in total and absolute freedom for all people. "If elected, everyone will-" said 2004 Libertarian candidate [[capitalist|Michael Badnarik]], who then corrected himself, "I'm sorry, I misspoke there. If elected, I will make it so that everyone can do whatever the hell they want all the time, without concern for the laws of man, the laws of God, or the laws of physics. Rather than suffering the tyranny of government, they will have to face the tyranny of un-restricted corporations. That's what freedom is all about." Many Libertarians are anti-religion druggies who never want to be arrested.
+
The '''Libertarian Party''' is the third largest [[political party]] in the [[United States]]. For the implications of this, although Avis Car Rental's slogan is "We're number two, we try harder," no one remembers who is Number Three.
   
  +
The Libertarian Party's name comes from the [[Latin]] word ''liber,'' which, among other things, means book. Libertarians, therefore, are bookish, generally stating their opinion on any issue-of-the-day in a platform weighing in at around 300 pages. You might not have the liberty to yell "Fire" in a crowded movie house, but a Libertarian will yell "Point of Order!" in a movie house on fire, and engage in spirited debate about what the intellectually honest response would be (between coughs).
   
==Beliefs==
+
Oddly, Libertarians also believe in liberty. This diverse party varies, from [[Anarchy|anarchists]] who believe that it is oppressive collusion when the centerfielder and the leftfielder discuss which one of them is going to catch the ball, to [[Uncyclopedia, Inc.|corporatists]] who believe that oppression is just fine provided there are at least two competing oppressors from which the individual can choose, to [[U.S. Constitution|Constitutionalists]] who insist that anyone disparaging [[slavery]] prove that the 13th Amendment was really ratified. Consequently, although Libertarians call themselves a Party, it is disastrous inviting one of them to a party. It does not matter: Libertarians throw a lot of parties for themselves. A typical party is at a hilltop cabin and is bring-your-own-shotguns to help hold off the U.S. Marshals who have cut the electricity.
[[File:Pot smoking.jpg|thumb|Wait, what were were talking about?]]
 
The issues most central to the Libertarian voters include the following:
 
   
*The freedom to pay no taxes
+
The word "libertarian" with a small l is popular among people who share one of the above beliefs but want to make it clear they don't belong to the formal Party. The word with a capital L means a person belongs to the Party and thus one won't be able to tell what he believes.
*The freedom to, if one so wishes, pay lots and lots of taxes.
 
*The freedom to pay employees less than minimum wage.
 
*The freedom to kill the fucking employer that pays you less than minimum wages.
 
*The freedom to smoke pot.
 
*The [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lR6w0cnYdIE#vpmy5We6wSw|The freedom to drive drunk without a driver's license.]
 
*The freedom to pay for, sell and profit from sex.
 
*The freedom to only be able to get an education if one can afford it.
 
*The freedom to smoke pot.
 
*The freedom to have lots of kinky sex.
 
*The freedom to not have adequate, affordable health care.
 
*The freedom to do anything you want if you have enough money.
 
*The freedom to smoke pot.
 
*The freedom to be an indentured servant, if you don't have enough money.
 
*The freedom to smoke cigarettes.
 
*The freedom to fire employees who smoke cigarettes.
 
*The freedom to smoke pot.
 
*The freedom to deny housing to U.S. Citizens who are "darkies," "spics," or "Al-Qaidas".
 
*The freedom to walk in the nude.
 
*The freedom to cuss your full fucking head off.
 
*The freedom to smoke pot.
 
*The freedom to pay a toll at every street corner.
 
*The freedom to [[kitten huffing|huff kittens]] all day long.
 
*The freedom to have giant corporations destroy the environment without any restrictions to stop them.
 
*The freedom to discriminate in the hiring process, based on age, race, gender, sexual preference, or religion.
 
*The freedom to snort cocaine, a favorite activity among party members.
 
*The freedom to braid [[John Wayne]]'s pubes on a poster and then nuke the bastard.
 
*The freedom to smoke pot.
 
*The freedom to eat small children cooked in bear grease every second Thursday. Naked.
 
*The freedom to destroy government.
 
*The freedom to ship all the darkies back to Bongo Bongo Land.
 
*The freedom to shoot heroin while performing open heart surgery.
 
 
Most Libertarians also like smoking pot.
 
 
==Socio-Economic Theory==
 
 
Libertarians are typically religious, worshiping a deity referred to by some as "the invisible hand of the market." This "hand" is very powerful and said to fix all problems associated with a completely unregulated market system. Libertarians claim that laws like the Fair Housing Act and the 16th amendment tie the hands of the.....ummm...hand. Libertarians detest politicians for stealing their money to waste on crack and whores, and would just as soon cut out the middleman and do it themselves.
 
   
 
==Origins==
 
==Origins==
  +
[[File:Spike_the_Dog_(08e).jpg|thumb|left|200px|The shadowy founders of the Libertarian Party, in one of their incognito strategy meetings.]]
  +
The Libertarian Party was originally one of a variety of organizations founded by the shadowy [[Koch Brothers]] to let their bauxite mines operate with impunity. Unlike the [[think tank]], the legislative round table, the commerce board, and the fleet of [[White van|ice-cream trucks]], this one would be a political party, and would win elections to achieve the changes that all the other Koch organizations were arguing were so popular as to make politicking unnecessary.
   
The Libertarian Party originated through the friendship of three unique wastes of sperm: Angry Gun Survivalist, Conglomo the Corporate Teddy Bear, and Throat-Crushing Stockbroker (aka TCS).
+
The Libertarian Party believes that everything is essentially private property. Unfortunately, this means that no one agrees on anything. For example, viewing the [[uterus]] as the private property of the associated [[woman]] gives rise to the "pro-choice Libertarian," whereas viewing it as the private property of its little tenant gives rise to the "pro-life Libertarian," even though few Libertarians are fans of Tenants' Rights otherwise.
   
Once upon a time, Gun Survivalist, Conglomo, and the Stockbroker were all sitting in the forest in the Cranberry River, making mud pies and having sex together as a group. Suddenly, the TCS had a marvelous idea.
+
Libertarians even outdo [[Republican Party|Republicans]] at touting the benefits of a Party with a "big tent" that encompasses so many different opinions that the voter is totally rolling the dice. One thing many Libertarians do agree on is that last week, I picked up a Nickel Bag of some very fine stuff downtown, if you would like to try a little.
   
"Hey gang, why are we being jackass democrats and sharing mud pies? Why don't we turn this river into a stock investment?" he asked innocently.
+
==Original symbol==
  +
[[File:Pot smoking.jpg|thumb|right|The original — Wait, what were were talking about?]]
  +
The original symbol of the Libertarian Party was an arrow, jauntily angling upwards through the acronym "TANSTAAFL" -- There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch."<ref>This slogan itself reflects the lack of real-world grounding of most Libertarians. In fact, there ''is'' such a thing as a free lunch. For example, a luncheon of grass and ragweed in the median strip of an expressway is always free. No one tends to put an extra charge on the check for second helpings of milfoil and kudzu, either.</ref> This was taken from [[Robert Heinlein|Heinlein]]'s novel ''The Moon is a Harsh Mistress,'' in which an endlessly wise computer recruits a group of oddballs to liberate the Moon from corporate tyranny and make it safe once again for nudism. In other words, the Party's founders were the Power Rangers.
   
"He's right," Angry Gun Survivalist replied. "Sharing this river and the mud pies symbolizes that we've been manipulated by the Jew-Run Media. We're being brainwashed by invisible cancer rays inside these cranberries. The government doesn't want us to know about this."
+
The original symbol illustrates the biggest difference between the Libertarian Party and the Republican Party, which is that Republicans can generally [[HowTo:Contrive a ridiculous acronym|contrive an acronym]] that actually spells out a word (or in the case of the [[Patriot Act|USA PATRIOT Act]], a short phrase). This is because Republicans can generally spell. Republicans, incidentally, also have theme songs and cartoon mascots behind most of their legislative bills, whereas Libertarians rely on ponderous position papers.
   
"Fuck that," Conglomo replied. "The problem with this river is that it isn't made out of cheap plaster and concrete."
+
After decades of potential Libertarians pointing to the "TANSTAAFL" logo and going, "Huh?" the Party switched to a logo with the Statue of Liberty. This was intended as a test of possible members. Anyone who points out the irony in the Libertarian Party honoring a government building that does not even charge admission is clearly unhinged enough to join; and (if also a complete unknown with no record of participation in politics) becomes the candidate for Governor.
   
The three friends continued to argue, occasionally shooting at or maiming one another until submission. When they awoke the next morning with crack-induced hangovers, a party platform awaited them, written on a chewed out section of tree bark. The three friends read it over, shook hands, and introduced it to their drug dealers and tax-evading cronies as The Libertarian Party platform.
+
{{reflist}}
   
After a year or two, the Cranberry River was turned into an economic opportunity (Starbucks), and people from all over the forest/desert began to enjoy the benefits of deforestation and under-minimum wage salaries.
+
==Modern symbol==
  +
[[File:Porc.jpg|thumb|left|The porcupine narrowly prevailed over the unicorn as the animal representation of the Libertarian Party.]]
  +
As Republicans and [[Democrat Party|Democrats]] are personified by the [[elephant]] and the [[ass]], respectively, the modern Libertarian Party's symbol is the [[Porcupine Tree|porcupine]] (pictured). The porcupine is the perfect symbol because it owns weapons and loves grass and weed. Also, everyone who comes in contact with it hates it, which is a giant leg up in electoral politics.
   
==Symbol==
+
The Libertarian Party also has a recruitment brochure. Unfortunately, they regard it as private property and will not let it be reproduced here, nor any other information about the Party.
The symbol of the Libertarian Party was originally the "Libersign", an arrowing angling upwards through the acronym "TANSTAAFL" -- There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch". This was taken from Robert Heinlein's 1966 novel "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress", in which an endlessly wise computer teams recruits a group of oddballs to liberate the Moon from corporate tyranny and the preservation of their native tradition of nudism. In other words, it was the Power Rangers.
 
   
This was eventually replaced by the Statue of Liberty. This was intended as a test of possible members. Anyone who points out the irony in the Libertarian Party honoring a government-operated structure which does not even charge an entrance fee is clearly a spy, and is killed.
+
{{clear}}
   
==Party Events==
+
==Wellspring of ideas==
[[File:SmokeHAR.png|thumb|The Libersign, adopted in 1972]]
+
Libertarians famously invented the ideas that Democrats have enacted but do not want to be seen in the same room with. Libertarians repeatedly tout new taxes, rather than outright prohibition, as a "market solution." Libertarians initiated many modern programs:
Every year members of the Libertarian Party converge in Boston Harbor, throwing endless supplies of government tax return forms into the Atlantic Ocean. The event is supposedly aimed at protesting the government's income tax laws.
+
*Libertarians saw that most pollution comes from a small number of cars. ''Voilà,'' "Cash-for-Clunkers," where the government pays to destroy perfectly good cars and drive up the price of those that are left.
  +
*Libertarians argued that, rather than force everyone into a government hospital, it would be "better" to just force them into an insurance agency, gently enforced by the well-loved [[IRS]]. Thus, Libertarians did the mental heavy lifting for Obama-care. [[Mitt Romney]] had a better plan — No, wait, Libbies got to him too.
  +
*Libertarians argued that, rather than prohibit industries that offend Democrats, a gentle carbon tax would do the trick.
   
Also, in every suburban neighborhood members have been known to sell heroin out of the back of their SUVs in order to protest the United States government's [[War on Drugs]].
+
Unfortunately, it has not swayed the [[poll]]s that Libertarians time and again unveil plans slightly nicer than those of the Democrats. However—
   
Every Patriots' Day they burn American flags to show their hate of progressives and of intrusive government tentacles in their drug businesses.
+
==Electoral success==
  +
Libertarians have been elected to legislatures across the United States. Namely:
  +
*[[New Hampshire]] once had four Libertarian representatives. However, its House has 400 members and, in any given election, a dozen dead people, house pets, and 50-gallon drums are also winners.
  +
*[[Alaska]] had two Libertarian representatives, both from districts where the voters live two miles apart.
   
==Famous Libertarian Quotes==
+
Libertarian legislators go to the capital with idealistic hopes to replace coercive arrangements with voluntary ones. Which no one remembers, given their work to legalize dope. Republicans and Democrats immediately collude on a bill to increase the number of signatures required for ballot access in the next election. The Libertarians agree to drop their plans and the others agree to shelve the ballot bill.
  +
{{wikipedia}}
  +
In 1972, the Libertarian Party got its first and only [[Electoral College|electoral vote]] when [[WP:Roger MacBride|Roger MacBride]], a member of the Electoral College from Virginia pledged to [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]], voted Libertarian instead. This demonstrated several things:
  +
#That the Libertarian Party is not as bad as Nixon.
  +
#That elected Libertarians will find a technical reason to do something other than what the voters wanted.
  +
#That MacBride was a rising star—at least, within the Libertarian Party—and made him the cinch for the 1976 Presidential nomination, the clearest case yet of the Peter Principle.
   
{{cquote|Don't Tread on Me. - Winston Pennypacker IV}}
+
In 1980, Ed Clark was the nominee. He was a lawyer for the Koch Brothers, probably. He was an optimist with a vision of a new resurgence for America. This compared to the grouchy pessimism of the major-party candidate, [[Ronald Reagan]], which cost him many votes.
   
{{cquote|The founding fathers liked crack.{{cn3|What the hell, people? Bullshit this is a quote.}} - Harold Ivans III}}
+
The Libertarian Party nominated candidates every four years thereafter, about which equally little needs to be said. The 2004 nominee, Michael Badnarik, famously said, "If I am elected, everyone will be free — I'm sorry, I misspoke there. If I am elected, everyone ''may'' be free, but only if they want to — free of the laws of man, of God, and of physics." However, Badnarik's own campaign, free of most of the laws of logic, was a victim of the laws of arithmetic.
   
{{cquote|People should be able to fuck whoever and whatever they want without the government telling them to stop. - [[Stoner|some random Libertarian]]}}
+
In 2008, [[Ron Paul]] was the Libertarian nominee, whereas [[Impeachment|Robert Barr]] was a Republican. In 2012, Barr was the Libertarian nominee, whereas Paul was a Republican. The result both times was further electoral success — for [[Barack Obama]], who won the election with the slogan, "Vote for me if those two are making you dizzy!"
   
{{cquote|Republicans want to be your daddy, telling you what to do and what not to do. Democrats want to be your mommy, tucking you in at night. Libertarians support the right to be a naked train-robber baron, with only private police departments allowed to stop them. - [[Some guy|some dumbass]]|lecturing on the "philosophy" of libertarianism}}
+
==Controversy==
  +
It is a truism that Republican careers are ruined by "pressuring" a kiss from an aide, while a Democrat who uses a college intern as a personal sex toy becomes an elder statesman. This is not because Republicans have less rectitude but because, as they wrap themselves in morality, they are more entertaining when caught. (The criticism is reversed on [[talk radio]], because it is [[Objectivity|objective]].)
   
{{cquote|Never give a sucker an even break. - Abe Lincoln}}
+
Thus, Libertarians, rejecting all victimless crimes such as drug and gun laws, simply shrug and carry on when found to be violating them, offering the press no amusement at all. They are just as undeterred by arrests and convictions, unlike any potential voters they might have attracted. In fact, they go out of their way to violate vice laws; and when that does not achieve arrest, do so ''en masse'' on the lawn of City Hall and bait the policemen. Who says you cannot reform the world from inside a jail cell? What about [[Nelson Mandela|Nelson frickin' Mandela]]?
   
==Rumor==
+
The key problem with these politicians, who are more easily separated from a [[television|TV]] camera than from their Baggie of hash, is not their pursuit of illegality but of unwisdom. For example, discharging a firearm inside an apartment while "cleaning it" is almost completely the province of the Libertarian Party.
It is rumored that Charlton Heston's teeth wrote much of the fucked up tree-bark platform, but evidence is inconclusive as the teeth haven't been seen since they left Heston's mouth back in '73.
 
 
==Long Term Goals==
 
{{wikipedia}}
 
*To ensure that no Libertarian ever gets elected, as bitching and breaking the law is more fun than actually changing the law.
 
*To legally dump logs of shit out the windows of office buildings.
 
*To end street crime by paying angry minimum wage workers even less money.
 
*To destroy America and all other governments.
 
*To smoke lots and lots of pot.
 
   
 
==See also==
 
==See also==
 
* [[Libertarianism]]
 
* [[Libertarianism]]
+
* [[Free State Project]]
  +
{{FA|date=28 June 2013|revision=5711016}}
  +
{{Politicalparty}}
 
[[Category:Politics of the United States]]
 
[[Category:Politics of the United States]]
 
[[category:Ideas]]
 
[[category:Ideas]]

Latest revision as of 03:38, April 19, 2014

Libertarian Party
200px-Libertatis Aequilibritas GFDL
Foundation Yesterday
Political ideology Smoking pot
Color(s) Mello Yellow
“Hey! That's my stash!”
~ Adam Smith on the natural right to "self-medicate"

The Libertarian Party is the third largest political party in the United States. For the implications of this, although Avis Car Rental's slogan is "We're number two, we try harder," no one remembers who is Number Three.

The Libertarian Party's name comes from the Latin word liber, which, among other things, means book. Libertarians, therefore, are bookish, generally stating their opinion on any issue-of-the-day in a platform weighing in at around 300 pages. You might not have the liberty to yell "Fire" in a crowded movie house, but a Libertarian will yell "Point of Order!" in a movie house on fire, and engage in spirited debate about what the intellectually honest response would be (between coughs).

Oddly, Libertarians also believe in liberty. This diverse party varies, from anarchists who believe that it is oppressive collusion when the centerfielder and the leftfielder discuss which one of them is going to catch the ball, to corporatists who believe that oppression is just fine provided there are at least two competing oppressors from which the individual can choose, to Constitutionalists who insist that anyone disparaging slavery prove that the 13th Amendment was really ratified. Consequently, although Libertarians call themselves a Party, it is disastrous inviting one of them to a party. It does not matter: Libertarians throw a lot of parties for themselves. A typical party is at a hilltop cabin and is bring-your-own-shotguns to help hold off the U.S. Marshals who have cut the electricity.

The word "libertarian" with a small l is popular among people who share one of the above beliefs but want to make it clear they don't belong to the formal Party. The word with a capital L means a person belongs to the Party and thus one won't be able to tell what he believes.

edit Origins

Spike the Dog (08e)

The shadowy founders of the Libertarian Party, in one of their incognito strategy meetings.

The Libertarian Party was originally one of a variety of organizations founded by the shadowy Koch Brothers to let their bauxite mines operate with impunity. Unlike the think tank, the legislative round table, the commerce board, and the fleet of ice-cream trucks, this one would be a political party, and would win elections to achieve the changes that all the other Koch organizations were arguing were so popular as to make politicking unnecessary.

The Libertarian Party believes that everything is essentially private property. Unfortunately, this means that no one agrees on anything. For example, viewing the uterus as the private property of the associated woman gives rise to the "pro-choice Libertarian," whereas viewing it as the private property of its little tenant gives rise to the "pro-life Libertarian," even though few Libertarians are fans of Tenants' Rights otherwise.

Libertarians even outdo Republicans at touting the benefits of a Party with a "big tent" that encompasses so many different opinions that the voter is totally rolling the dice. One thing many Libertarians do agree on is that last week, I picked up a Nickel Bag of some very fine stuff downtown, if you would like to try a little.

edit Original symbol

Pot smoking

The original — Wait, what were were talking about?

The original symbol of the Libertarian Party was an arrow, jauntily angling upwards through the acronym "TANSTAAFL" -- There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch."[1] This was taken from Heinlein's novel The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, in which an endlessly wise computer recruits a group of oddballs to liberate the Moon from corporate tyranny and make it safe once again for nudism. In other words, the Party's founders were the Power Rangers.

The original symbol illustrates the biggest difference between the Libertarian Party and the Republican Party, which is that Republicans can generally contrive an acronym that actually spells out a word (or in the case of the USA PATRIOT Act, a short phrase). This is because Republicans can generally spell. Republicans, incidentally, also have theme songs and cartoon mascots behind most of their legislative bills, whereas Libertarians rely on ponderous position papers.

After decades of potential Libertarians pointing to the "TANSTAAFL" logo and going, "Huh?" the Party switched to a logo with the Statue of Liberty. This was intended as a test of possible members. Anyone who points out the irony in the Libertarian Party honoring a government building that does not even charge admission is clearly unhinged enough to join; and (if also a complete unknown with no record of participation in politics) becomes the candidate for Governor.

  1. This slogan itself reflects the lack of real-world grounding of most Libertarians. In fact, there is such a thing as a free lunch. For example, a luncheon of grass and ragweed in the median strip of an expressway is always free. No one tends to put an extra charge on the check for second helpings of milfoil and kudzu, either.

edit Modern symbol

Porc

The porcupine narrowly prevailed over the unicorn as the animal representation of the Libertarian Party.

As Republicans and Democrats are personified by the elephant and the ass, respectively, the modern Libertarian Party's symbol is the porcupine (pictured). The porcupine is the perfect symbol because it owns weapons and loves grass and weed. Also, everyone who comes in contact with it hates it, which is a giant leg up in electoral politics.

The Libertarian Party also has a recruitment brochure. Unfortunately, they regard it as private property and will not let it be reproduced here, nor any other information about the Party.

edit Wellspring of ideas

Libertarians famously invented the ideas that Democrats have enacted but do not want to be seen in the same room with. Libertarians repeatedly tout new taxes, rather than outright prohibition, as a "market solution." Libertarians initiated many modern programs:

  • Libertarians saw that most pollution comes from a small number of cars. Voilà, "Cash-for-Clunkers," where the government pays to destroy perfectly good cars and drive up the price of those that are left.
  • Libertarians argued that, rather than force everyone into a government hospital, it would be "better" to just force them into an insurance agency, gently enforced by the well-loved IRS. Thus, Libertarians did the mental heavy lifting for Obama-care. Mitt Romney had a better plan — No, wait, Libbies got to him too.
  • Libertarians argued that, rather than prohibit industries that offend Democrats, a gentle carbon tax would do the trick.

Unfortunately, it has not swayed the polls that Libertarians time and again unveil plans slightly nicer than those of the Democrats. However—

edit Electoral success

Libertarians have been elected to legislatures across the United States. Namely:

  • New Hampshire once had four Libertarian representatives. However, its House has 400 members and, in any given election, a dozen dead people, house pets, and 50-gallon drums are also winners.
  • Alaska had two Libertarian representatives, both from districts where the voters live two miles apart.

Libertarian legislators go to the capital with idealistic hopes to replace coercive arrangements with voluntary ones. Which no one remembers, given their work to legalize dope. Republicans and Democrats immediately collude on a bill to increase the number of signatures required for ballot access in the next election. The Libertarians agree to drop their plans and the others agree to shelve the ballot bill.

Bouncywikilogo3
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Libertarian Party.

In 1972, the Libertarian Party got its first and only electoral vote when Roger MacBride, a member of the Electoral College from Virginia pledged to Nixon, voted Libertarian instead. This demonstrated several things:

  1. That the Libertarian Party is not as bad as Nixon.
  2. That elected Libertarians will find a technical reason to do something other than what the voters wanted.
  3. That MacBride was a rising star—at least, within the Libertarian Party—and made him the cinch for the 1976 Presidential nomination, the clearest case yet of the Peter Principle.

In 1980, Ed Clark was the nominee. He was a lawyer for the Koch Brothers, probably. He was an optimist with a vision of a new resurgence for America. This compared to the grouchy pessimism of the major-party candidate, Ronald Reagan, which cost him many votes.

The Libertarian Party nominated candidates every four years thereafter, about which equally little needs to be said. The 2004 nominee, Michael Badnarik, famously said, "If I am elected, everyone will be free — I'm sorry, I misspoke there. If I am elected, everyone may be free, but only if they want to — free of the laws of man, of God, and of physics." However, Badnarik's own campaign, free of most of the laws of logic, was a victim of the laws of arithmetic.

In 2008, Ron Paul was the Libertarian nominee, whereas Robert Barr was a Republican. In 2012, Barr was the Libertarian nominee, whereas Paul was a Republican. The result both times was further electoral success — for Barack Obama, who won the election with the slogan, "Vote for me if those two are making you dizzy!"

edit Controversy

It is a truism that Republican careers are ruined by "pressuring" a kiss from an aide, while a Democrat who uses a college intern as a personal sex toy becomes an elder statesman. This is not because Republicans have less rectitude but because, as they wrap themselves in morality, they are more entertaining when caught. (The criticism is reversed on talk radio, because it is objective.)

Thus, Libertarians, rejecting all victimless crimes such as drug and gun laws, simply shrug and carry on when found to be violating them, offering the press no amusement at all. They are just as undeterred by arrests and convictions, unlike any potential voters they might have attracted. In fact, they go out of their way to violate vice laws; and when that does not achieve arrest, do so en masse on the lawn of City Hall and bait the policemen. Who says you cannot reform the world from inside a jail cell? What about Nelson frickin' Mandela?

The key problem with these politicians, who are more easily separated from a TV camera than from their Baggie of hash, is not their pursuit of illegality but of unwisdom. For example, discharging a firearm inside an apartment while "cleaning it" is almost completely the province of the Libertarian Party.

edit See also

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