Liberals want to eat your children

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 15:13, November 27, 2013 by SPIKE (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Correlation between liberalism and child-eating

A clear correlation between liberalism and child-eating. Of course, the liberal media don't want you to see this.

Liberals! They make me sick. Whatever happened to good ol'-fashioned American values, like family, God, and more money than the other goddamned guy? Liberals are eroding our American freedoms, and they want to eat our children!

What?

Don't interrupt me when I'm talking about liberals, Goddamnit! In the good ol' days of Maw and Paw and apple Goddamned pie, we respected our Goddamned elders, Goddamnit, and we didn't eat no children neither, just baby sheep, baby pigs, baby cows and baby roadkill, and we didn't interrupt no Goddamned elders neither, nohow! Interrupting is widely believed to be characteristic of liberalism, Goddamnit! In fact, you look an awful lot like an unwashed, unshaved, skinny hippy, boy!

Again, what?

Where the Hell was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about liberals...uh...I think. Yeah, that's right, liberals! Goddamned, Communistic, Marxist, Hitler-loving, baby-eating liberals! Did you know liberals are both pro-abortion and in favour of feeding the poor? Well, where do you think those aborted babies go afterwards? Heaven? Well, no, Hell, but where do you think their bodies go? Ever wonder what it is they're feeding the poor? It ain't venison and turtle soup, my naïve friend. And furthermore, liberals are in favour of nutritious meals for schoolchildren. And what stake do you think they have in ensuring all our children are plump, ripe, and juicy? I'll give you one clue: maybe that should say "steak" rather than "stake". We as Americans need to start thinking about our futures right about now, before Obama introduces classes in Marixst baby cookery into our schools! What next, banning prayer? Teaching gay anal sex to first-graders? This is what liberals do, my friend!

What on Earth is wrong with you?

Oh sure, like you're going to believe everything the liberal media tell you. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the oppressive liberal media delete this article. Did you know that 90% of all television programmes have a gay climate change agenda? And yet you're telling me that your children are safe from sexual depravity? Just the other day, a friend told me he was voting Democrat. Democrat! And yet you think the liberal agenda isn't being forced on our children? Do you even know who controls the media?

Obscenely rich conservatives like Rupert Murdoch who care more about protecting their own wealth than any specific politics?

Oh, sure. Rupert Murdoch. You think he doesn't have a liberal agenda? The president of the FOX network! I used to watch that FOX News, but I realised they had jumped the shark when they started pandering to Goddamned liberal filth! And you know what FOX's flagship show is? That's right, The Simpsons! Are you telling me that show doesn't have a gay climate change agenda? And don't even get me started on Hollywood, either! Have you seen the liberal filth Hollywood promotoes in films like Birth of a Nation, Song of the South, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Death Wish 3 and Snakes On A Plane? Full of evil liberalistic commu-socialism, all! We need to get our children to stop watching anything at all and start going to Goddamned Sunday School! And I don't just mean on a Goddamned Sunday, either!

You blaspheme a lot for such a devout believer.

LIBERALS! They think they can tell us, hard-working, honest Americans with eight bank accounts and an elaborate tax dodge system, what our God says we should do? I tell you, he's not a goddamned Liberal God! If they want to pray to their Marxist shrines of child-eating, go ahead and let them! But don't blame me when one day you wake up and the Thought Police are dragging your children off to be "re-educated" in the Hitler Youth program!

Hitler? Do you even know what a liberal is?

Do I? Have you even read the Book of Liberalism? No, I thought not. People like you sit there lecturing us about gay rights, and when it comes to it, you don't even know what a liberal is! No,I'm not getting Goddamned confused, and no, I have not completely invented the Book of Liberalism! And don't interrupt me when I'm talking about liberal cannibalism.

Wow, that's one big, throbbing vein in your neck. Maybe you should calm down.

Oh sure, you'd like that, wouldn't you, liberal? I bet you even voted for Mr. Obama. Oh sure, you say he's doing a better job than Dubya, but think about it. Obama is well-known for causing 9/11, but you can bet the liberal media won't report that! Try looking up headlines about Obama on September eleventh, 2001, and what do you find? No mention of Obama! Coincidence? No. I think it's time he opened up and told the truth to the American people, but you can bet he won't. And anybody who criticises him is accused of being racist just because he's a black reverse racist! Let me tell you, they tried having black presidents in Uganda, and Nigeria, and Zugangwe, and look how it turned out for them.

You made at least one of those countries up.

Oh sure, accuse me of racism. You liberals are so predictable! You probably don't even realise that racism was invented by liberals in 1911 to support their own liberal racist agenda.

You're saying racism doesn't exist, and yet liberals are racist?

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you, hippy? Now if you'll excuse me, I've got no more time to listen to your evolutionary atheist homosexual agenda.I'm going off to stock up on guns and ammo and build myself a hut out of shit in the woods, because when the liberals come for our children, I WILL NOT BE THE GODDAMNED FIRST! I WILL FIGHT THEM! AS GOD IS MY GODDAMNED WITNESS, I WILL FIGHT THEM!

You don't even have children.

Try to undermine the holy union of marriage, will you? I see they've already got to you. Why, I think I already smell children on your breath! LIBERALS WANT TO EAT OUR CHILDREN!

Personal tools
projects