Liberal Democrats
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“People can't hate us that much...”
~ A drunk Liberal on Liberals
“ALL HAIL THE GREAT AND POWERFUL EMPEROR MING! BOW MORTALS! BOW”
~ Liberal Democrat party member on Ming Campbell
“In truth, us liberals are not that bad. We are simply trying to help America by implying simple AEIGFSA MUST EAT BABIES!!!!!!!!...(cough) (cough)....sorry bit of a bug going around....”
~ President Barrack Obama
“ Unlike the Conservative or Labour party, us Liberals know exactly where we're going: Nowhere!”
~ Liberal Democrat party member on Liberal Democrat Party
“I will not rest until every American gets gay married, and becomes a atheomuslim at my commie farm, where I employ illegal immigrants to harvest my crops; which are cannabis.”
~ Hitler (He became one later in life)
“People will have no choice but to vote for us if we call ourselves the Fascist fascist Party, or Liberal Democrat in American.”
~ 1979 Liberal Democrat MP on a fresh start
“What in the hell is a strategy?”
~ Liberals being pussies as usual when it comes to war
“WHAT HAVE WE DONE!”
~ Liberals realizing negotiating with Arab leaders was a bad mistake as mushroom clouds cover America
“Republicans need to share the wealth because I can't take care of myself worth a damn and also just plain old lazy in
general”
~ Random Liberal commenting on Obama's idea for sharing the wealth to the dick sucking media
“My fellow Americans I am indeed sorry.”
~ Obama confessing to the nation that the media did indeed sucked his dick
“Welcome to the club.”
~ Bill Clinton on the above quote
“God bless Communisim uhh.. I mean Democracy.”
~ Liberal obviously reveling the true Liberal belief
“The only people who could possibly not only soil the oval office but America in general”
~ The truth on Liberals
“The manipulaters of minorities!”
~ The truth n Liberals
“It is good that North Korea is obtaining neucular power.”
~ President Obama as North Korea tests neucular bombs
Liberal Democrats is an option on UK electoral ballots that is roughly equivalent to "none of the above", or "re-open nominations" in other democratic states. Thus, this option is one that a candidate will select only in the case of utter dissatisfaction with the other choices available.
Although actually in Government in the UK the general public only know three 'Lib Dem' MPs - 'Menzies 'I can't say his first name properly' Campbell: 'Menzies 'I can't say his first name properly' Campbell, Lembit 'Funny look and talks about diseases' Opik and, of course, Charles 'Have anuva drink on me' Kennedy.
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[edit] History and rationale
The "Liberal Democrat" option was first included on UK ballots only as late as 1988, coinciding with the widespread political disillusionment that met the last years of the Thatcher administration. As the UK electoral system does not allow for a "none of the above" option to be placed on ballots as a default, the creation of the "Liberal Democrat" selection was originally intended as an option to allow for an individual voter to express his contempt for the other options, but without spoiling his ballot paper; in Britain, at least, like so many other things, ballot-spoiling is considered downright rude. However, in modern times, the Liberal Democrats have quickly evolved into a humanoid species. Contrary, to the Conservative Party who have ceased to believe in... well anything, The Liberal Democrats agree with everything, anyone or everyone says, unless of course, you didn't like what they said, in which case, they agree aswell.
The name to appear on the ballots was chosen only after a painstaking process of trial and error. It was decided early on that the name to be chosen should give no indication of political bias. This removed from consideration traditional choices such as "none of the above": the previous year, an Irish Catholic and nationalist candidate, Nun of the Above, had won several thousand votes in a hotly-contested by-election.
Thus, a name was chosen that would avoid offense, whilst also avoiding entirely the issue of political ideology: very few politicians in the UK would claim to be actively illiberal, and even fewer would claim to be undemocratic.
The Matthews family in Kent have been praised recently by the party for getting a Liberal to become Mayor in the small Kentish town of Hythe. It could be considered that this is the most powerful liberal democrat in the Country. Well done Neil!
Liberals claim that everyone is entitled to the same quality of life as the rich. So, sorry Joe the Plumber. You work 14 hour days and come home to a family of three kids and a wife, but you still have to give your paycheck to the lazy ass, booze chugging, child molesting, creepy hobo on the south side because he's to lazy to get off his perverted ass long enough to get a job picking up trash at the local parks! Isn't it great when utilitarianism works?
[edit] Electoral success
Liberals were never actually elected. However, satan helped Bill Clinton win.
[edit] Transport policies
The Liberal Democrats have a master plan to "improve" railways by digging up every line in the country to replace it with a misguided busway.
“I am taking the project into my hands and I will make it my duty to do whatever is popular in the press today. The bus will mimic my impossibly beautiful long face so that when the bus decides to flip flop the wheels on top will take over and possibly chant contradictory phrases about Iraq. The bus will be modified to run on all the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. (WARNING: False phrases about Iraq may contrive while reversing within minutes)”
~ John Kerry on A small child
[edit] Liberal Democrats in political satire
Given the status of the Liberal Democrats as a pseudo-party, several satirical publications have attempted to embody the position of the party in a series of fictional "politicians". One such fictional figure, now widely used, is that of "Sir Menzies": in keeping with the apolitical and indecisive nature of the average "Liberal Democrat" voter, Menzies is most commonly portrayed as an aged white man, with limited political influence, prone to stuttering over even the simplest of questions at Prime Minister's Question Time. Many mispronounce the name "Menzies" on purpose but still the public are unaware of the nature of the party.
Previous to Sir Menzies a more comical figure was elected as party leader. Charles Kennedy was the most unlikely of politicians, whereas Sir Menzies could pass for an older William Hague, Kennedy was more reminiscent of a TV Presenter. The media even alluded to this fact by nicknaming him Chat Show Charlie. Kennedy even presented shows such as Have I got News for You before joining the Lib Dems. Even when intoxicated the public were slow to catch onto the truth and when they eventually did, after 4 years, it was time to change leaders.
During this election, in which Sir Menzies was the eventual winner, a series of smokescreens were put in place by independants Simon Hughes and Mark Oaten with an aim of hiding the fact that the party has no MPs. They even found a fourth candidate following an interview process for tea boys.
[edit] Taxes
Liberals polititions believe that the can spend your money for you better than you can. So they make sure that they get as much money as posible from the infinitely wealthy taxpayers who can't be trusted with more than a few dolars.
[edit] Nice guys finish last
Though this might also be because the Liberal Democrats are airy fairy pansy boys.
Or twats.
Its a matter of contention
