Liberal Party of Canada
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|Political Beliefs:|| Loansharking, embezzlement, fraud, professing fiscal
liberalism yet practicing staunch fiscal conservativism
|Founded:||July 1st, 1867|
|Number of Seats in House:||Not enough|
|Number of Seats in Senate:||Not as many as before|
|Allied Organizations:||Hells Angels, the Mafia, NAMBLA, Security and Prosperity Partnership|
|Allied Groups:||Pedophiles, Mobsters, Murderers|
The Fiberal Party of Canada (a.k.a. Clear Grits or Masters or Libel Party or Red Tories is one of the ruling councils of the Illuminati. It once had a dictatorial hold on Canada, Minnesota and Miami and its people. It has been wrongly compared to the Soviet Communist Party; this is totally false, as the Fiberals have been far more successful than the commies in executing evil right-wing conservative type plans. Finally, after a massive, rocking, core-shaking media created scandal involving the covert welfare-sponsorship of corporate criminals and fascist infiltrators working to sterilize all Quebec males and eventually give Canada away to the predatory United States, they were overthrown and replaced, ironically, by the right wing extremist Conservative Party of Canada.
The Fiberal Party is an empty moral void with no real principles whatsoever, other than to say things which will steal NDP votes and win the election, so some have questioned the point of attempting to discern any real political beliefs from them. That being said, here goes nothing...
- Raising current welfare rates for large, profitable businesses and banning the truly poor from collecting any welfare
- Legalization of the possession of Cannabis , but increasing criminalization of the purchase, ingestion, display, or passing mention of it. And it will still be illegal to carry any on you
- Mandatory abortions for some, abortions outlawed for others. All abortions preformed in unregulated non-funded legal back alley clinics
- Raising personal income taxes, lowering or abolishing business taxes or taxes for the rich completely
- Solving half of the problem every time they are elected. This of course means the problem will never get solved. Thus the Liberal Party slogan: "We make everything slightly less bad".
- Surrendering to Terrorists and the American diplomats
- Converting the Army for use solely in Civil War Reenactments, and Hollywood peacekeeping. Also, slashing military salaries by 752%
- A mandatory expensive private day care system in which all children are indoctrinated with Canadian, capital 'L' Liberal propaganda
- Making men subservient to women
- Making white, Christian, straight men into non unionized factory workers and expendable customer service associates
- Making littering a more serious crime than murder
- Restoring Canada's inclusion in the Kyoto Protocol and strangely ramping up emissions and pollution as much as possible
- Use of pay-per-use health care will be deemed totally legal yet kind of frowned upon and mandatory for those who cannot afford it
- Heavily infiltrating the NHL with government bureaucracy and red-tape to the point where it is played as more of a chess-type game
- Telling you, "It can't be done." and that it's okay to be gay (which I am). Call me! :D
The Fiberal Party is organized like a pyramid (a favorite Illuminati symbol). Local fiberal cells (ridding associations) act as the main instrument of the Party's rule; providing the government with the population whereabouts, disbursing graft in an equitable and fair manner to local minions, and of course, delving children to use in Party rituals. Each of these cells are controlled by the provincial party apperous, the true power in most provinces (except in Newfoundland and Labrador, which is unimportant).
Finally there is the national headquarters, located in an underwater base in Hudson Bay (cobbled together from part of the Titanic and part of the Hindenburg. From here, it can network of other national oligarchies and kleptocracies, organized criminal organizations, and other hellspwan. It also decides the fate of ordinary Canadians with a touch of button. Unfortunately, the Liberal Party's doom button is Out of Order, and this has led to a Tory romp somewhere on the ice in Nunavut and in the Turks and Caicos, wherever that is. In there spare time, the fiberals touch them selves as the woman/men find them repulsive. They prefere to have sex with tories.
It uncertain when the Fiberal Party was formed, however, historical records (since suppressed) has shown that that John Cabot's first mate was a member of the Liberano$, an Italian secret society (but only in the south; there as no liberano$ in northern Italy).
While these Liberano$ appeared during the British invasion of New France. While Canadian children are thought that the battle of the plains of Abraham decided the fate of the nation, it was not true. Both Wolfe and Montcalm were members of the British and the French arms of the Liberano$. They had predetermined the battles outcome.
To protect these men, the party choose a puppet leader as their public face. The current "leader" of the party is Justin Trudeau, Earth's prettiest, most sparkliest pony. Before Trudeau, Michael Ignatief, brother of Dracula, or Count Chokula served as leader, however just as his Eastern European forefathers, he could not stand against the might of mustachioed socialist revolutionaries. Prior to Ignatieff, the "leader" was Stephane Dion. Dion forced out as "leader" by the Wisemen (despite his denials) after he lost, to all things, a poorly made robot.
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