Liberal Party of Australia
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لعن الله اليهود والكفار
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- Marg bar Amrika! Velayat-e faqih azadist!
- Down with The Great Satan, down with Zionists! How dare they stop us from enriching uranium!
“I support the Liberal Party and solemnly swear I am not saying this out of fear of being called seditious otherwise. Please don't hurt me....”
~ Oscar Wilde on Liberal Party of Australia
“You call this Liberal? More like Conservative! This should be called Conservative Party! We're centre-right-wing!”
~ Left-wing Evil Communist Arsehole on The Liberals
“We did not edit this page in any way”
~ The Liberal Party on This page
| Liberal Party of Australia | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| |||
| Foundation | February 28, 1944 | ||
| Political ideology | Whatever they have in mind | ||
| Color(s) | Blue | ||
Contents |
[edit] History
In 1944, the Liberal Party of Australia was founded after a three-day orgy held in a small broom closet in Parliament House in Canberra. The meeting was called by the then Leader of the United Satanists Rights Movement, Robert Menzies.
Robert Menzies had already served as Prime Minister of Australia until his death(served from 1939-41), but he believed that death was no excuse to leave office and risk people fixing up the right-wingistation he instigated.
Eighty men and women from 18 non-Labor political parties and organisations attended the first Liberal Party Orgy, all of whom had bad posture, ignorant and offensive views and lacked any social skills.
They shared a common belief that Australians should have less personal freedom and choice than that offered under Labor’s socialist plans.
Robert Menzies believed the time was right for a new political force in Australia - one which fought for the freedom of the corporation, or "the Man" to fuck around with the workers.
In his opening address at that meeting, he said :
"......what we must look for, and it is a matter of desperate importance to our society, is a true revival of evil thought which will work for the betterment of our economy, for national power and national progress, and for the full exploitation of the individual citizen, and not the freedom and equality offered by socialism." It is often said that Robert Menzies stood for the ‘forgotten people’ of Australia; those who lived there lives drinking champagne in yachts, and those who aspire to live their lives drinking champagne on yachts - "the aspirationals". Menzies sought to help these people, but mostly he strived to continue to remain in elected office.
On October 16, 1944, the name The Liberal Party of Australia was adopted, uniting the many different political organisations. Two months later, at the Albury Conference, the Party’s organisational and constitutional framework was drawn up during another wild sex orgy, during which John Howard was conceived.
The name Liberal was chosen because it was ironic and Menzies thought it would be funny to have a name that represented the opposite of what they stood for.
By May 1945 membership of the Liberal Party had swelled to 40,000, most of whom were deceased, demonic or rich.
It fought its first election in 1946 with some success, as it fought well and managed to devour the souls of 10 Labour senators. In 1947, the Liberal Party won State Government in Western Australia, South Australia and Victoria. In 1949 the Liberals, in coalition with the Country Party, a group of deluded hillbilly bumpkins, waged an Unholy War against the Labour Pary chanting, "We reject your equality and replace with EVIL!!eleven11!!one one!"
Sir Robert Menzies went on to lead Australia and the Liberal Party for 17 years, before he was killed by Van Helsing and Dr Who.
The Liberal Party has become Australia’s most evil and orgasmic party; it was elected to Government for 23 years from 1949 to 1972, and for another term of more than seven years from 1975 to 1983.
In 1996, the Australian people were turned into Zombies by a new head of the Liberal Party, Count Howard, who sent out his unholy love-toys, the Australian Young Liberal Party to bite people and turn them into right-wing, souless demons. In 2004 Labour retaliated with the vampire hunter Van Latham, however Latham was unable to succeed and was himself turned into a Labour-hating Zombie via the Pancreatitis demon.
[edit] Beliefs
What does the Liberal Party stand for ? Large-arsed Ignorant Bastards Evil Rich Ass-secks Lying
Pathetic And Right but Terrible Yuppies
We believe in the inalienable rights and freedoms of all peoples to be exploited by big business; and we work towards a mean government that minimises freedom in the daily lives of minority groups; and maximises munney-makin'.
We believe in government that nurtures its citizens through human farming similar to that seen in The Matrix.
We believe in those most basic freedoms of parliamentary democracy - the right to have a flawed democracy, the right to be controlled by the rich and the right to have a whole bunch of apathetics randomly voting.
We believe in a just and humane society in which people are eaten with as little pain as possible...it hardens the flesh.
We believe in equal opportunity for all Australians; and the encouragement and facilitation of wealth so that the rich may have a good life while most people are left in mediocrity. We believe firmly that if you are not wealthy then it is your god given right to do the will of your betters, namely, the rich.
We believe that, wherever possible, government should not compete with an efficient private sector; and that businesses - not government - should be in charge.
We believe in preserving Australia's natural beauty and the environment for future generations. Natural beauty includes the lovely sound of clear-felling and the fragrant perfume of toxic goop.
We believe that our nation has a constructive role to play in maintaining world peace and democracy by supporting the destruction of all nations that do not support the United States of America.
We Believe that Australia has a valuable role to play as the lap-dog to other larger nations. We pledge to subvert Australia's national interests to those of other nations. Our price will never be beat, we will sell out for a title, or a free-trade agreement!
We swear allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Eliza.... no, to His Imperial bigness George Dubbya Bush and the United States of America.
We support the re-classification of Aboriginals and Torres-Strait Islanders to the status of "Flora and Fauna" - We hold firmly to the principals of Terra Nullius and believe in the sacred duty of rich white people to rule over and take the children from Aboriginal entities.
We believe that "truth" is relative and that all facts can be subject to interpretation. Lying is perfectly fine if it gets us re-elected...
[edit] Leaders
Robert Menzies 1944 – 1966 First Vampire
Harold Holt 1966 - 1967 *Gurgle*
John Gorton 1968 - 1971 ".....I'm not remembered"
William McMahon 1971 - 1972 "Shit...the calm before the storm"
Bill Snedden 1972 - 1975 "Stupid Whitlam with his Kemlani rorts and bankruptcy"
Malcolm Fraser 1975 - 1983 "Muahaha...I pwnd Labour...Governer General was a vampire"
Andrew Peacock 1983 - 1985 " *Peacock chirp *Peacock chirp*"
John Howard 1985 -1989 "Did someone say BUTT-SECKS?!?!?!"
Andrew Peacock 1989 - 1990 " *more chirping*"
John Hewson 1990 - 1994 "zOmg Labour is the |-|4><()|2"
Alexander Downer 1994 - 1995 "...Things that Batter. What's that? I'm out?"
John Howard 1995 - 2007 "This is a new age of terror and butt-secks. I am to George Bush what Monika Lewinsky was to Bill Clinton!"
Brendan Nelson 2007 - 2008 " I have never voted for the liberal party in my entire life ... Oh wait thats the party I'm leading ! "
Malcolm Turnbull 2008 - current "That silly bastard Nelson thinking that I would not be voted in by the party. What a noob, couldn't lead the Liberal Party into a drinking session! I bet he did not think that he would lose the top job...."
[edit] See Also
