Liam Gallagher
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Liam "You're Not Bloody John Lennon So Just Accept It" Gallagher is the lead vocalist for the famous Liverpool band, Oasis. A self-styled 'Voice of the North', he's 'mad fer it man' and is a keen boxer - revealed with his strong allergy to bald men with Japanese technology. Self believing to be John Lennon reincarnated, yet was a swearing young Madchester lad at the time he was shot, he believes himself to be the greatest Briton of all time above Ann Widacombe, H from Steps and Maureen from Driving school. Unfortunately as a twelve year old boy he was assaulted in a tattoo parlour by an elderly vixen named Wilma and had his hands tied severely behind his back for several days. At the same time his brain was operated on by adding a chip that magnetically attracts his head up towards to the sun whilst programming him in to say Shiiiiiinnneeeee!!! (Shine) with his mouth wide open at the star. When released, unfortunately the side effects never wore off and these three effects can regularly be seen when Liam is singing with Oh Eh Sis' man. He also has some sort of a speech impediment, causing "knows" to come out as "narwhals". He can't help it, REALLY!!!11!!23! Liam often grows a beard once a year for a special occasion known only to himself. He's also recently taken to wearing his infamous Tambourine (which he performs in concert with), on his head as well as cuddling up to it in bed at night. The tambourine's name is Dave. He has a unique gift of mixing complex cocktails while fucking shagging female fans as well as old widows.
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[edit] Young Liam
Liam Lowrie is the greatest fucking thing ever made!
Liam welcomed this change and soon became conscious of his personal appearance, he became a source of hilarity amongst family and friends as he often tried to fool them into thinking that he was actually Paul McCartney.
| Yeah he was a total nutter like, I remember on his fifth birthday he came downstairs with these little matchsticks on his eyelids like, to make them go droopy, and he was there with his thumbs up wearin' a black wig. They're dead good them wigs. They look boss, no dee do don't day doh! - Noel Gallagher - His ex-husband |
[edit] The Yabba Dabba Doo Episode
Robbie Williams wanted to lick the underside of Liam's scrotum. Liam considered. Then, Liam said that he would not let Robbie lick the underside of his balls.
This made Robbie mad. Robbie then went to Jack-in-the-Box, bought five large chicken sandwiches and proceeded to eat them in quick succession.
Liam felt bad for Robbie and told him that maybe that a drummer named Tony would possibly let him lick the underside of his scrotum.
This made Robbie mad. Robbie then proceeded to scream epithets at Liam. One of these epithets was, "Yabba Dabba Doo, Fuck You!".
[edit] Early Ogaysis
After being elected as Head-Boy at his school in Burnage, Manchester, Liam attended a Sixth-Form College from which he graduated two years later with three straight A's in Maths, Physics and English Literature. It was then that he decided upon moving to London to attend Oxford University to pursue a degree in Art and Design, only for this idea to be halted when a man named Bonehead knocked on his door with a guitar. This signalled the beginning of what was essentially the rest of his life. Liam was so impressed with Bonehead's voice and guitar playing skills that he was instantly inspired to start a band; his life ambition to become a famous contemporary painter was abandoned.
yabba dabba doo,fuck you!
Liam and Bonehead toured England with only a handful of songs having actually been written between the pair. Gigs were often too short and the songs were critiscised for sounding too much like The Bee Gees.
| I first saw them in 1990 at the Manchester Academy, they were shite. Liam got booed off for looking and trying to sound like Paul McCartney and the tunes were just Bee Gee rip-offs - Random Fan |
Due to the initial reactions being so bad, Liam told Bonehead that he didn't want to carry on and in Bonehead's book "Just Coz I'm Bald It Doesn't Mean You Can Fry An Egg On My Head" he revealed that Liam would lie in bed at night after every gig, crying himself to sleep because people kept making fun of his eyebrows.
[edit] The Fried Egg Incident
yabba dabba doo,fuck you!
In March 1991 a blazing argument erupted in the small hours of the morning between Bonehead, Iggy Pop and Liam. It took place in a bed and breakfast in Skegness where the pair were due to be playing. It is alleged that whilst Bonehead was sleeping, Liam poured a subtle amount of boiling Crisp n' Dry cooking oil onto Boneheads head and proceeded to fry an egg on it. It left a permanent mark on his head in the shape of a bone.
[edit] Late Oh Eh Sis'
Despite what Liam once described as "heartbreaking criticism" regarding such terrible reviews, Bonehead managed to persuade Liam to continue touring. In 1992 at a gig in Glasgow, Scotland, the pair were going through the motions of their song "Refracted Atomical Nucleated Divisions" when a Hendrix-esque guitar solo broke out midway through. Thinking this was Bonehead adlibbing and providing some spontaneity to the live set, Liam was delighted, and began to dance around the stage in a rather animated and unusual manner. This soon enough became Liam's trademark and is an instantly recognisable, iconic symbol of modern Rock 'n' Roll.
It wasn't until after the show that the truth was revealed; the guitar solo was the work of Liam's brother Noel, who had joined them at the back of the stage completely unawares to Liam and Bonehead. Upon Liam's realisation, the brothers embraced. Noel, who had been working as a checkout operator at Sainsburys, was asked if he'd be in the band. He duly accepted.
| The reason why I asked my brother if he wanted to be in the band is because his pockets are always full to the brim with Werther's Originals. I like Werther's Originals so it seemed the right thing to do. He myabba dabba doo,fuck you!akes a good subject to paint too so, if I get bored in the dressing room I'll always have something to do." |
Only moments after recruiting a new member the 'chief' Bonehead was approached by the head of Creation Records, Cliff Richard. Richard offered them a three album record deal after saying they were possibly the best band he's ever seen. Liam threw a wobbly at the word 'possibly' and demanded Cliff declare them THE best band he'd ever seen.
A year later Ryan Giggs joined the band. He's referred to by the band as Giggsy.
Barmy British Stuff 
