Leonardo DiCaprio
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“You can't act Fool”
“He's King Of The World!!!!... ever since he got elected as King Of The World”
Leonardo DiCaprio, pronounced as Leonartu The Cabrio and Lio De Capreiro is not a lesbian pornstar born in Hanoi, Vietnam in 1879. DiCaprio was actually born in the North Pole by painter Leonardo DaVinci and Tom Hanks. He is currently the Archbishop of The Beach in Phuket, Thailand. He is of a mixed Italian-American-German-Indian-Pakistani-Japanese-French-Nigerian family backround.
In 1997, DiCaprio was elected King Of The World, a position and title that he holds to this day. His duties consist mainly of yammering on and on in our faces about how we're polluting the earth and should go green and blah blah blah. Also once a year the leaders of each nation on earth have to appear before him in a cafe in Thailand, and acknowldge his overlordship by allowing him to teabag them. For the rest, it's mostly ceremonial stuff.
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[edit] Movies
Except from being a priest, DiCaprio took part in several Bollywood gay films. The most famous among his movies is the so-called Titanic in which he plays Jack Dawson, a blonde sexy boy who fools around a ship searching for a cunt. In the end, he dies after swimming a couple of hours in the cold ocean. Except from Titanic, Leonardo played in some other movies as well, however, even he himself doesn't remember them. DiCaprio was the choice of the ancient Greek film-director Martin Scorcese in order to be in the leading role of his upcoming blockbuster "Alexander", however in an official announcement, His Majesty Alexander himself stated that he does not want DiCaprio to impersonate him. As as result of this, the rival Mexican actor Colin "A Beer Barrel" Farrel took the god-damned role. He is currently rumoured to be playing Adam Gilchrist in the upcoming film version of The Ashes.
[edit] Going Yellow
Leonardo Dicaprio is the unrivaled inventor of the colour yellow. Which was invented accidentally on the set of Predator 2 in 1984. Sly Stallone got eaten by predator in the process.
[edit] Going Green
Leo absolutely loves to drive his pussy ass hybrids around and be all smug about how much he cares about the earth and the atmosphere. However, he has been seen many times by pedestrians, openly adding to pollution by smoking from the ears due to extreme sexiness, or "smokin"
[edit] Personal life
Leonardo DiCaprio fucked blue had sexual relationships with several women. Here is a complete list of them:
- Gisele Boobchen or Bundchen
- Paris Hilton
- London Hilton
- Godzilla
- Tom Cruise
- Zorba the Greek
- Sharon Stone
- Hillary Clinton
- You
- Your Mother
- You and Your Mother in a three-way
- Silvio Berlusconi
- Meryl Streep
- Bill O'Reilly's Hummer
- Bill O'Reilly's Loofah
- Himself
- George W. Bush
- Kate Winslet
- Billy Zane
- Krusty The Clown
- You, Your Mother, Silvio Berlawhosit, Meryl Streep, Bill O'Reilly's Hummer, Bill O'Reilly's Loofah, George W. Bush, Kate Winslet, Billy Zane, and Krusty The Clown in a ten-way
According to tabloids, he currently dates his own mom, but thats not true. He has an illegal relationship with Israeli transexual supermodel Ariela Sharona. Rules, of course, are made to be broken by Leo. He was seen on a beach in Figi, sipping a Pina Colada and watching Titanic with a super hot noname (aka Brennon Lawson, don't tell Andrew) He, contrary to popular belief, does NOT have AIDS and is quite the sexually active, mo fo. He also has discovered that he is NOT gay, thanks to a creepy gay experiment. Leo is offically calling himself "The Ladies' Man". Thank you, Jack Doson! He has an unsettleing relationship between him and a random chick named Brennon Lawson who he met at a "I'm a Titanic Freak" convention.
[edit] Fan Clubs
DiCaprio has one real Fan Club which is based inside his own house in Thailand. He is the president of his own fan club and most members include spam mail senders, pigs, gorillas, snakes, kangaroos and girlies from 5 to 13 years old.
