Leo Varadkar

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Leo "Maggie" Varadkar is the Taoiseach (Prime Minister) of Ireland and current leader of Fine Gael. In June 2017 Leo was elected as Ireland's first openly c̶l̶a̶s̶s̶i̶s̶t̶ gay Taoiseach (with ongoing debates over the sexuality of Eamon De Valera and Liam Cosgrave) much to the dismay of the working class, the left, the LGBT community, the poor and much of his own party, and to the cheers of the unthinking middle class "centrists", Social Justice Warriors and Fianna Fail who are convinced that Fine Gael's traditional support won't support "one of those".


Wrong man, wrong flag?

Leo is often mistaken to be like Canadian PM Justin Trudeau and US President Barrack Obama. In reality Trudeau and Obama are liberal sociopaths who play the "hip leftie" card when it comes to domestic and social issues but are hard on right-wingers when it comes to international affairs and have little problem selling weapons to Saudi Arabia and other despotic regimes. Leo on the other hand is just a full out psychopath like Thatcher and Merkel who is simply given a free pass due to identity politics.

edit Early Life

Leo was born to Miriam Howell and Ashok Varadkar in the leafy suburbs of Dublin in 1979. Leo grew up with the typical South Dublin upper middle-class lifestyle of enjoying rugby and GAA, hating culchies and foreigners, never venturing north of O'Connell Street and of course acquainting yourself with reactionary, right-wing politics. While attending secondary school Leo joined Fine Gael, Ireland's inbred lovechild of the Nazis and the Tories. Like all good upper middle-class toffs Leo attended Trinity College Dublin. His college roommate in second year was Lucinda Creighton who is now known as the ultra-religious oddjob who founded Renua Ireland, an offshoot of Fine Gael that seeks to return to the Blueshirt movement's fascist roots. Looncinda, like Leo, was an extreme Fine Gael fascist and the two would dream of ways to punish t̶h̶e̶ ̶g̶a̶y̶s̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶J̶e̶w̶r̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶S̶i̶n̶n̶ ̶F̶e̶i̶n̶ welfare cheats who cheat us all. One night while piss drunk on Middleton 20yo whiskey, Leo and Looncinda clothes accidentally fell off and one thing led to another. Leo claims it was at that moment that he realised he was "one of those" (it was only in 2009 did Leo finally find out a more politically correct way to refer to homosexuals), in an interview in 2015 Leo stated "I had never felt such urges before, I always thought I was attracted to women but after that night in college I suddenly liked men the next morning".

edit Career

Leo was first elected to Dáil Éireann in 2007. In 2010 he became a fully qualified GP however he was later forced to resign for "undisclosed reasons". Despite being a failed doctor who spent most of his time in college promoting Fine Gael instead of studying medicine, Leo was appointed as Minister of Health in 2014. In 2016 he was replaced by an even bigger gombeen of a failed journalist called Simon Harris as Minister of Health. Leo was made Minister of Social Protection. This said it all as making Leo the Minister of Social Protection would be akin to having Jimmy Savile as Minister of Children. In the summer of 2016, Leo stated that social housing must be kept out of South Dublin because the locals didn't want chippies and Indian takeaways popping up. In 2017 Leo started a witch hunt against welfare claimants, branding them all as cheats. The irony to both these incidents is that Leo is half Indian and is a supporter of tax exile. In June 2017 Leo was appointed as Taoiseach despite having lost the party leadership vote by a huge margin. To add insult to injury Leo only barely managed to get reelected as a TD in 2016. This being said, Leo is the only leader anywhere in Europe who has less of a mandate than Theresa May.

edit Sexuality

Leo is what's known in the gay community as an "Uncle Tom". For the entirety of his political career Leo has opposed the further progression of LGBT rights. Granted it was only in 2015 did Leo fully "come out" and he was in hot water at the time due to his mishandling of the HSE at the time. Many believe that Leo is only pretending to be gay so he can use the gay card whenever he's in trouble and brand anyone who disagrees with him as "homophobic", including other gays who have done more for the cause of LGBT rights than Leo will ever do. Leo himself claims that he wasn't born gay and it was due to an experience in college that turned him gay. According to his mother, Leo used to dress up as Margaret Thatcher and Hitler as a teenager. Leo however claims that transsexuals and transvestites "cheat us all" and should be placed in a special camp in somewhere horrible like Cavan or Carlow. Leo has a record for admiring totally abhorrent wankers including Maggie but also Benjamin Netanyahu, David Cameron, Eoin O'Duffy, every US president since Reagan, Edward Heath, John Howard, Charles De Gaulle, Angela Merkel, Benito Mussolini, Franjo Tuđman, General Franco, Tony Blair, Narendra Modi, Augusto Pinochet, Arlene Foster, Michael Collins, Helmut Kohl and Jean-Bédel Bokassa.

edit Is Leo really Indian?

For quite some time there's been doubts over Leo's ethnicity and the real identity of his father. Leo does bare a slight resemblance to insufferable Tory twat Ian Duncan Smith and Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu. Both men, like Leo, are right-wing Hitler apologists. Leo thought of the possibility of Bibi being his real father and often flies to Israel in order to seek him out. However every time he goes there he never leaves Tel Aviv, preferring to watch the IDF soldiers undress down in the beach from the balcony of his suite at the Norman Hotel. Leo did approach Bibi on one occasion shouting "dada" while Bibi ran to his car. Bibi retaliated and had the Mossad spike Leo's Sex on The Beach with laxatives which Leo later blamed on a dodgy shawarma. On the other hand Leo has made no effort to meet with Ian Duncan Smith. Miriam Varadkar claims that she had a one night stand with Duncan Smith nine months before Leo was born, however she may have also been with Bibi.

edit See Also

Personal tools