Lemonope

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Lemonope
The common Lemonope.

The lemonope is a large-ish mammal with the appearance of a lemon and antelope combined. The Lemonope lives in the lesser known regions of the moon and is said to have been sighted on Earth, also (see:Urban Lemonopes).

edit Origins

The Lemonope is said to have originated from a freak cross-breeding with lemons and antelope, but it is far more likely that it is a cheap joke on behalf of God, making us worry our little heads off and invent theories about origins of the species etc. Scientists have studied the Lemonope for decades since its discovery in WWII when one was seen giving a speech to a group of assembled Germans. It was never agreed how the Lemonope came to be in this position in the first place, but when questioned it answered "meeeehhh meh meeh", which cleared that up.

Lemonopespeech
The first Lemonope ever sighted, seen here giving a speech to some nazis.

edit Habits

The Lemonope, like the antelope, engages in fierce battles with other males in order to get the female's attention. The difference being that Lemonopes do not use their horns to attack one another, but instead fire stinging bitter lemon juice into the eyes of their adversary. Once the victor has been decided, the other male will show his defeat by backing down, allowing the victor free access to the Lemonope booty. The male will then usually offer to take the female out to a nice restaurant it knows of in the south of London. The Lemonope has been observed to construct 'dens' made out of pottery, often with small designs on them such as flowers. These are known in the field of "Lemonopology" as 'Fruit Bowls'. Another strange behaviour of these animals is that once they have died (from being cut in half somehow), they will wrap themselves in a clear sticky film (remarkably similar to common cling film), and take refuge in a nearby Fridge. It is not known how the Lemonope does this, as they are already dead, but there is a particular field aside from Lemonopology called "Necrolemonopology" that studies this.

edit Breeding

The Lemonope has a unique breeding cycle. When a pair of Lemonopes, hopefully of different genders, mate, they walk up to each other, nod, and then proceed to cough and splutter violently. After a period of 30-60 mins of this and a possible after-sex-smoke, the animals suddenly cough up a pale slimy seed, or pip. The two Lemonopes then both eat the other's pip, and usually go on in search of a nice two story house in a quiet village close to a school where the kids can get a good education. After a period of 2-3 months small buds will start to open up along the Lemonope's antlers. These buds will soon drop off and eventually form new baby Lemonopes. Both Lemonopes can bear children, or fruit, so really there is little difference between the two genders, apart from the male having an overabundance of skin (referred to by Lemonopologists as Rind).

edit Predators and Prey

The only known predator of Lemonopes is the Lemon Juicer, which they fear greatly. These predators have only two prey, the lemonope and dust, which they exclusively hunt. Lemonopes are also caught and killed occasionally by Humans, for use in seasoning and cooking, but this is not usually seen as predatorism. Just commerce. 96% of the Lemonope's diet consists of moon dust, but they have been known to attack and kill insomniacs and also people's eyes. Speculators who theorize about JFK's assassination insist that there was a lemonlope on the grassy knoll.

edit Urban Lemonopes

Lemonope-hiding
The only existing photo of an urban lemonope.

There is a subspecies of Lemonope, called the Urban Lemonope(or Urbanus lemonopius). These Lemonopes are city creatures by nature, they have evolved to blend in with the city/town they live in and have learned to hide themselves very effectively. The Urban Lemonope lives mostly in harmony with their city, scurrying to and fro for and tasty detritus, only pausing to annihilate the occasional pedestrian.

Urban Lemonopes often take up refuge in dumpsters or back alleys, and misunderstood sightings of them have often been turned into corny horror b-movies. Speaking of corny horror b-movies, there is a relative of the Lemonope (related through them both being served together in restaurants), the Gargon, which is immortalised in everyone's favourite film, "Teenagers from outer space".

It is said that Quentin Tarantino has strong ties with the Urban Lemonope community, and even had one fix him up a new trailer. But then again this is probably not true, as the information was submitted by This Guy. If you happen to be a pedestrian, and find yourself on the receiving end of some Lemonope-delivered ownage, you are advised to scream very loudly. Hopefully this will shock the Lemonope enough for you to run away. If you are a pedestrian, and you feel in danger from Urban Lemonopes, you can take the following precautions to allow you to walk by one unscathed.

  1. Wear a raincoat that resists lemon juice.
  2. Carry around a lemon juicer.
  3. Hire hitman.
  4. Hide.
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