Leitrim (County)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
County Crest 100px-Leitrimcountylogo
Location
IrelandLeitrim
Capital Carrick-on-Shannon
Population 28,837 (Mostly living in the Greater Dublin Area)
Area 1,588 km²
Code LM
Province Connaught
Website www.leitrimcocopops.ie

Leitrim is a county in the North West of Ireland. It was founded in 1572 by Mr. John Leitrim (not to be confused with the Clements who lived there much later) who, after seeing his creation, died of laughter. Leitrim is part of the province Connaught and has the smallest population of anywhere in the world, including the internal city of Bill Murray. Its name derives from the Irish Liath Druim – "grey ridge" - apt as it is just like the colour grey. Dull.

Leitrim also has a coastline between Sligo and Donegal, which is good practice for cases of webbed feet.

edit History

Once a part of the kingdom of Kingspan Breffni, back when Irelanders were still hitting each other with hurley sticks and sliotars, Leitrim has had a long and bloody history. The first people to arrive in Leitrim were the Native Americans. In early Leitrim, heterosexuality was illegal and the population dwindled to 33. It was at this time, early in 1384, that the bordering county of Roscommon took advantage and attacked Leitrim. Despite having an army of 12 men, Leitrim defeated the 100,000 strong army from Roscommon as they were too inbred to stand in a straight line.

The Cromwellian plantations boosted the population in the 17th century. When natives from all around Ireland realised how fucked they were when Cromwell (known as 'that wanker!'), put Ireland as his top priority, and sent them to 'Hell or to Counnaught'. The cheeky ones refused to go, but seeing how serious he was, with his 'burning Catholics' policy, they decided to move to Leitrim. As living in Leitrim was a wee bit better than getting burned and teased by Brits.

Leitrim's history of catching up with the rest of the civilized world proved most dignified. Leitrim boasted a revolution in transportation with the new railway system and locomotives set up in 2003 (only messing, its Leitrim, they have no trains). Mobile phones have been introduced by trendy teens from Sligo, but proved unsucsesful, as Leitrim has no coverage, so Morse code may be reintroduced. Leitrim is very unique in that it is the only place in the world where the Mobile Phone providers boast that they have only 1% population coverage. Recently, stones and flint have been imported to Leitrim from Cork to assist the growing IT industry.

Leitrim is a very significant useless area of land. Leitrim has one set of traffic lights which were erected in 2003 and there is now broadband in Leitrim for all the boggers to "surf de auld web".

edit Sports

All sports but GAA sports are illegal in Leitrim, as with 92% of Ireland. The Senior County team won the Connacht Senior Football Championship in 1994 after each of their players snorted approximately 2.5 grams of cocaine and produced a stunning performance against Mayo, celebrations continue to this day.

edit People

The native population of Leitrim is now a minority, after the great colonisation of English and German hippies. English hippies manage to be stoned and lazy, while the German hippies manage to do the same with twice the efficiency. Not all the English and German colonisers are hippies. The English are happy with the low level of Muslims (forgeting how much they don't like the Irish) and there are no Jews in Leitrim (luckily for both Jews and Germans). Consequently, the gas chambers of Deer Park have been unused since 1943.

Personal tools
projects