Legalized Prostitution

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Putin-girl

A not too uncommon courting ritual

Legalized Prostitution is a common practice in most countries today, although never openly admitted to, these relationships usually occur after a human leaves adolescence, and discovers sex. This then sparks a sudden drive to do the 'ol "No Pants Disco". For most, this is a tedious method to get their bone on, but it is the most popular, sometimes resulting in contracts where the couple will actually end up spending the rest of their life together. However, most of there end up in mutual splittings up, and then the two never speaking again.

edit History

Nobody really KNOWS when this practice became customary...but when it did happen, it was probably forced upon, being that this system is completely crooked, shoddy, and otherwise cocked up. But it's best to assume that it was probably thought up by some silly female. Scientists presume that this form of Prostitution started back in even the earliest times, back when man was a simple group of Hunter-Gatherers in sub-Saharan Africa, we assume the first ever dialogue of an event of this nature occurred something like this.

  • Caveman: *grunting to female, points to abs and kicks dirt*
  • Cavewoman: *grunting, points to bush*
(Censored grunting)
  • Caveman: *grunting, then leaving*

This, however is when things took a crucial turn, the Cavewoman or "Rib Creature (See: Christianity)" then moved in with the caveman, since the low population did not give any chance of sustained anonymity, from that point on, Man, was fucked.

Nowadays, these relations take on an even more complex structure, full of scheduling, taboos, and heavy maintenance. Though this system has been openly criticized, satirized, and even plainly debunked, nobody has no intention to ever end the perpetuation of this system, the main reason being that nobody really wants to try.

edit Prostitution, as a business

Paris-hilton

A documentation of the deeds of a well known Prostitute, admired by many Womenfolk the world over for her uncanny ability.

A lot of modern companies make tons of money off of these rites of Legalized Prostitution, anything from clothing, to even the standard card companies like Hallmark, even a popular holiday is centered around this spectacle, known around most of the civilized world as "The Mating Ritual of Our Saint" in mid-February. This is a big money maker, since millions of people want to be the best contender for possible mates and jobs, they will go to any lengths from, changes in mannerisms, appearance, and even changes of gender altogether, all for a better chance of landing a Prostitute.

The best way as described is apparently to "Be yourself" and eventually you will find a suitable prostitute for your needs, but, in most cases for men, this requires a large reserve of monetary wealth and high social standing, while for women, if requires well formed boobs. Of course, this is another discrepancy in the modern prostitution system, and some have attempted to change this, but, of course, this is completely, and utterly, futile.

Even if you do fail at these tasks, there is another business completely dedicated to making you feel content, by trading your money, for sex, this is called, "Illicit Prostitution" and if frowned upon in some, if not most upper class suburban communities. As well as pornography, which can make the losers who participate in neither legitimate or illicit prostitution feel content as well, usually through viewings of sex...or Popular Musicians

edit Prostitution, at it's worst

Henry

The famed pioneer King Henry VIII

In some cases, these encounters can go horribly wrong, ending up in a binding social contract which forces one or both parties to become completely reliant on the other for all monetary, welfare, and sexual needs. This is of course, through some odd joke of fate, the INTENDED end result of legalized prostitution. These social contracts are indefinite, and the only way out is death, since one important clause in the contract is that you shall remain bound "Until death do us part". Although many right minded individuals have invented ways out of this, most find that the process is "traumatic" and bad for health, which is another fault in the human social structure.

One well cited pioneer of the "contract liberation" is King Henry VIII of England where when displeased with his contractee, would kill them, and find a newer, more attractive, and more suitable partner, his only fault however, was the fact that he could not stand up to the era's nut jobs (See: The Church) and stay out of the binding social contracts, However, he did do a notable achievement, and convinced the nut jobs to allow a system of "legal contract liberation" where he didn't have to have his contractee killed, though, he never used it, since executing Womenfolk was an honorable deed at the time.

Nowadays, these procedures are preformed at a expanding rate, slowly civilizing the world back to the way it should be, the only thing not done today that was done in Henry's time, was the execution of the Womenfolk, which many have said should be allowed again, since we all know...they can't get along without a man's supervision, and should probably kept in cages are local animal shelters, to be cared for and groomed before being selected for a mate.

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