Lebanon

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 21:17, August 4, 2012 by ImSoHappy (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search

Lebanon redirects here. For the country Lebanon, see Israel

الجمهورية اللبنانية
Lebanese Republic of Lebanon
Lebanon
Lebanesean flag Lebcoatofarms
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Hi! Kifak? ça va?"
Anthem: All your base are belong to Israel
LocationLebanon
Capital The Bteghrine Empire
Largest city Beetroot
Official language(s) Arabic, a few Frenchish sounding words
Government Hezbollah
President Hassan Nasrallah
GDP - $5000 (Lebanese are permanently in debt)
Member of UN, Syria, Arab League, Premier League, League Table, Table Mountain
Location About a rocket's distance from Israel by the sea
National Hero(es) Yasser Arafat, Etienne Sakr, Hayfa Wehbe
Established Established by Phoenicians by mistake, so they handed it over to the Arabs
Currency Guns and hashish
Religion Politics
Population 3 million, (not counting the 15 million Lebanese who protested during March 2005)
Major imports Bombs
Official car Mercedes Benz
Official drink Anything with "Diet" in it
National holiday Beer and Pork Day


“I'm not really sure where it is, but I hate them anyway!”
~ George W Bush on Lebanon
“ITHOSE LEBANEEEEZIANS THINK THEY ARE SO MUSH BEZZER THAN US, THEY THINK THEY SO PHOENICIAN?”
~ Yasir Arafat on Lebanon
“LEBANAAAAAAN!!!!!!!”
~ Adam & Danial on Lebanon
“Lebalon, or whatever the [beep] that place is called”
~ IRA terrorist Jim McCann on Lebanon
“We hate Lebanese! allah nasrallah w el da7ye kila.....”
~ Hizballah on Lebanon

The Lebanese Republic of Lebanon (Arabic: الجمهوريه اللبنانيه), originally: The French Republic of Le Banon (Frenchenese: "La République française de Le Banon"), is rumored to be a smallish Arabish country in the Middle East, bordering the Mediterranean sea. Its cabital is Bteghrine, praise be to Allah. It was is known for general civil unrest. Despite a few dozen wars over the past two decades, Lebanon has a famous reputation of being a very peaceful country which attracts millions of tourists every year for Israelians bomb target practice. Ancient legened predicts that Lebanon will be the birthplace of the anti-christ or the next Elvis Presley.

Episcomology

The word Lebanon is thought to have originated from a misspelling of the authentic name Lebalon. The original name (a popular word for "white" in Pre-Cambrian Yiddish) is probably a reference to the yogurt Lebanesi people are thought to use in archaic mating rituals.[1] While the exact origins of the word Lebalon are unknown, it has been conclusively proven that this word is merely a scrambling of the word Ban On Le (pronounced Ban On Le), which is the name of a famous Martian spa, adding further credence to the theory that the Lebanesi people descend from Matrians.

Population

Phalangist
Friendly IDF warning sign. Lebanon, circa 1983

People from this country are some of the most wanted by either sex, as all features people dream for and pay money for are seen naturally amongst these citizens. Lebanese women are known worldwide for their phenomenal beauty.

Prominent Lebanese citizens include: Casey Kasem, Abu Riad, Klinger from M.A.S.H. and The Guy who did the voices on Scooby Doo

Famous people of Lebanese ancestry: Salma Hayek, Narwal Al Zoghbi, Ulysses, Genghis Khan, Bozo, Karl Marx, 50 Cent, Omar Sharif, Snoop Dogg, Oscar Wilde, Hamlet, Itchy and Scratchy , Michael Jordan, and Adam West.

Lebanon is where babies come from.

Demographics

The issue of Lebanese demographics is very complex and is in fact listed as one of the Hilbert problems (which, incidentally, no one can solve). Lebanesians are Arabs who believe they're French, which is the reason why they try to speak French. But their French ancestry has been found to be non-existant. However, it is mostly agreed upon in broad terms that Lebanon is a Christian majority, with Catholics making up 117% of the population. Muslims occupy the remaining 85%. Minorities such as Armenians and Martians are estimated to consitute 0.005% of the population. Lebanon has a widespread diaspora all around the globes, with an estimated 1 billion Lebanese natives in Brazil alone, nearly half the country's population.

Map of Lebanon
Map of Lebanon

History

It is still a matter of dispute among archeologists whether the first to exist was Lebanon, or the Lebanese.

The origin of the people of Lebanon is debated till today. Most historians believe that The Crusades had killed many of the Homo/Bi Sexuals in the holy land, therefor fleeing north to a land called Lebanon. This land was rich with cedar trees and plain yogurt. Many believe that the Great Lebanese Empire was created with Lebanons resources.

In the first century BC, Lebanon was the center of rule of the Great Lebanese Empire. However, disputes regarding what politician's face to be imprinted on the coins led to inner unrest and ultimately to the fall of the Lebanese Empire, two days after its rise.

In 1854, lesbianism was invented by Ellen DeGeneres, due in part to a shortage of men. Since then, every year about a dozen lesbians flock to Beirut to repair random SUVs, in tribute to this occasion.

Beirut 1976, a man was seen juggling two cats and a pie using his feet, an event that was considered so unconventional by many, which gave rise to the riot that was later to be the Civil War of 1975. Battles often took the form of Counter Strike rounds.

By 1984 the first Lebanese Moon Base was established on the moon, this was succeeded in 1985 by the fifth Lebanese Moon Base on Mars. The Lebanese often claimed all the Martian bases are belonging to them, and that they had plenty of Zigs to defend against any Martian attack. Later, the Martians, tired of grokking the old Fifth Planet, sued Lebanon for genocide of their own race.

Today, millions of people claim to have spotted Lebanon in many South American rainforests. Cattle mutilations, and laser-thin accurate bites on domestic animals have been found all over Southeast Asia, New Jersey, and Peru. Some people say if you concentrate hard enough on a sunset, you can still see the forgotten land Lebanon in the horizon. Others say if you stare too much at a sunset you can go blind.

2006 Israeli-Hezbollah-Syria-Iran-US-Lebanon-Martian Conflict

In July 2006, an operation was executed by the nudist/terrorist circle Hezbullah simultaneously on the Israeli and the Lebanese side of the border. Neutral Martian observers claim that the operation took place in outer space, but more biased ones insist that the Lebanese-Martian border was also violated. Two Israeli soldiers were kidnapped and/or captured and/or siezed and/or escorted and/or sodemized to jail. The Israeli PM, Walmart, was pissed off and decided to kill everyone in Lebanon. More crazy people in the Israeli governement concurred. Eventually about 1000 Lebanese and 50 Israelis got exploded, along with Lebalon's infastructure. Certain parties in Lebanon blame Hezbullah for the conflict, especially that several eyewitness reports confirmed Hezbullah's self use of internationally-banned KY-gel on Lebanese territory during the 33-day-long war.

Defence Capabilities

Lebanon has a very capable fighting force. It's military might was recently demonstrated against Isreali aggression, with Hezbullah standing by. The Lebanese army valiantly defended Beirut airport, national infrastructure such as bridges and roads and the homes of its citizens, beating Isreal back to jewland. As a prominent Lebanese general noted: "WE beat 'em and we beat 'em good. Those jews might be rich, but soldiers they are not!". In response Mr Ollymert stated "MONEY MONEY MONEY! WAR WAR WAR!" as he hopped around the press conference, flailing his arms. Lebanon is also one of the first countries to harness nuclear capbilities, as evidenced by the 24/7 electricity services. Lebanon has occasionally threatened to use nuclear weapons against massive Israeli attacks and widespread Kitten Huffing cults.

References

  1. The Book of Genesis, Appendix C.
Countries and territories of Asia
Euroasia Armenia - Azerbaijan - Cyprus - Georgia - Japan-France - Russia - Turkey (the country, not the bird) - Lebanon
East Asia People's Republic of China - Hong Kong - Japan - Kansai Republic - Korea (north) (south) (pick 'em) - Macau - Mongolia - Taiwan (Republic of Taiwan)
Western Asia Afghanistan - Arabia - Bahrain - Iran - Iraq - Israel - Jordan - Kuwait - Oman - Pakistan - Palestine - Qatar - Saudi Arabia - Syria - United Arab Emirates - Wherethefuckistan - Yemen
Central Asia Kazakhstan - Kyrgyzstan - Tajikistan - Turkmenistan - Uzbekistan - other-stan
South Asia Bangladesh - Bhutan - India - Maldives - Nepal - Sri Lanka - Tibet
Southeast Asia Cambodia - East Timor - Hmor - Indonesia - Laos - Burma - Malaysia - Philippines - Singapore - Thailand - West Timor - Vietnam
Personal tools
In other languages
projects