Lebanon

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''Lebanon'' redirects here. For the country ''Lebanon'', see [[Israel]]
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{{Infobox Country
 
{{Infobox Country|
 
 
|native_name = الجمهورية اللبنانية
 
|native_name = الجمهورية اللبنانية
|conventional_long_name = Lebanese Republic of Lebanon
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|conventional_long_name = Province of Lebanon
|common_name = Lebanon
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|common_name = Republique du Liban
|national_motto = "[[Hi! Kifak? ça va?]]"
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|national_motto = "Hi! Kifak? Ça va?"
|national_anthem = [[All your base are belong to us|All your base are belong to Israel]]
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|national_anthem = Tabouli makes us strong
 
|image_flag = [[Image:Lebanesean_flag.png|125px]]|
 
|image_flag = [[Image:Lebanesean_flag.png|125px]]|
 
|image_coat = [[Image:Lebcoatofarms.png|100px]]|
 
|image_coat = [[Image:Lebcoatofarms.png|100px]]|
 
|image_map = [[Image:LocationLebanon.png|290px]]|
 
|image_map = [[Image:LocationLebanon.png|290px]]|
|capital = [[Bteghrine|The Bteghrine Empire]]
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|capital = Beirut
|largest_city = [[Beet]]root
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|official_languages = [[Arabic]] with a few [[French]]-sounding words and some type of [[American English|English]]
|official_languages = [[Arabic|Arabic]], [[French|a few Frenchish sounding words]]
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|favourite_object_title = Membership
|favourite_object_title = [[Economy|GDP]]
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|favourite_object_name = UN, The Holy Trinity, Arab League, Premier League, League Table, Table Mountain, Times Table
|favourite_object_name = - $5000 (Lebanese are permanently in debt)
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|government_type = Constitutional Monarchy, His honorable King Baal Chmeem
|favourite_object_title2 = [[Member of Parliament|Member]] of
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|favourite_object_title3 = Location
|favourite_object_name2 = UN, Syria, Arab League, Premier League, League Table, Table Mountain
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|favourite_object_name3 = About a rocket's distance from [[Israel]]
|government_type = [[Hezbollah]]
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|national_heros = Abou Elias, Abou el Abed, Imm Houssein, Dwayk, Mika, Carlos Ghosn, Masari, K-maro and Paul Anka
|favourite_object_title3 = [[Undisclosed Location|Location]]
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|religion = [[Christ|Christianity]], [[Crusades|Crusadism]], [[Martian|Maronitism]], and [[Islam|Islamicism]]
|favourite_object_name3 = About a rocket's distance from [[Israel]] by the [[sea]]
 
|leader_titles = [[President]]
 
|leader_names = [[Hassan Nasrallah]]
 
|national_heros = [[Yasser Arafat]], [[Etienne Sakr]], [[Hayfa Wehbe]]
 
|Formation = Established by [[Phoenician]]s
 
by mistake, so they handed it over to the [[Arabs]]
 
|currency = [[Gun]]s and [[hashish]]
 
|[[WMD]]s = -6
 
|religion = Politics
 
|wildcard_title = [[Car|Official car]]
 
|wildcard_name = [[Mercedes Benz]]
 
 
|wildcard_title1 = [[Drink|Official drink]]
 
|wildcard_title1 = [[Drink|Official drink]]
|wildcard_name1 = Anything with "Diet" in it
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|wildcard_name1 = Anything with "Diet" in it, Bacardi Breezers in light fruity flavours, Charab el Ward.
 
|wildcard_title2 = [[Holiday|National holiday]]
 
|wildcard_title2 = [[Holiday|National holiday]]
|wildcard_name2 = [[Beer and Pork Day]]
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|wildcard_name2 = Kebbeh Day
|major_imports = [[Bombs]]
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|population = 4 million (up up and away)
|population = 3 million, (not counting the 15 million Lebanese who protested during March 2005)
 
 
}}
 
}}
  +
:''Lebanon'' redirects here. For the country ''Lebanon'', see: [[Israel]].
  +
----
  +
'''The Lebanon''' (Arabic: '''الجمهوريه اللبنانيه'''), originally: '''The French Republic of Libon''' ("'''La République Française de Les Bananes'''"), is a smallish Phoenician country in the Middle East, bordering the Mediterranean sea. The capital of Lebanon is Beirut. (This would be the boutique capital, as there is no real government there.) As well as [[Allah]], Lebanon gives praise to [[Jesus]] and [[God]]; and indeed, "Jesus God!" is a typical exclamation when a bomb explodes a block away. Lebanon is a place of fun, nightlife, general civil unrest, and war for territory. It is the church capital of the Middle-East.
   
  +
Despite a few dozen wars over the past two decades, Lebanon has a reputation as a charming little place that attracts millions of lost tourists, year after year; and as a fine, sunny spot from which to bomb [[Israel]]. Lebanon will be the birthplace of the Cyborg God and the next Techno Prophet, if [[Hezbollah]] could be induced to pick a different country as its military base.
   
{{Q|I'm not really sure where it is, but I hate them anyway!|George W Bush|Lebanon}}
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The name "République de Le Banon," slurred as "République de la banane," may be the basis for the colloquial expression "Banana Republic."
{{Q|ITHOSE LEBANEEEEZIANS THINK THEY ARE SO MUSH BEZZER THAN US, THEY THINK THEY SO PHOENICIAN?|Yasir Arafat|Lebanon}}
 
{{Q|LEBANAAAAAAN!!!!!!!|Adam & Danial|Lebanon}}
 
{{Q|Lebalon, or whatever the [beep] that place is called|IRA terrorist Jim McCann|Lebanon}}
 
{{Q|We hate Lebanese! allah nasrallah w el da7ye kila.....|Hizballah|Lebanon}}
 
'''The Lebanese Republic of Lebanon''' (Arabic: '''الجمهوريه اللبنانيه'''), originally: '''The French Republic of Le Banon''' (Frenchenese: "'''La République française de Le Banon'''"), is rumored to be a smallish Arabish country in the Middle East, bordering the Mediterranean sea. Its cabital is [[Bteghrine]], praise be to [[Allah]]. It <s>was</s> is known for general civil unrest. Despite a few dozen wars over the past two decades, Lebanon has a famous reputation of being a very peaceful country which attracts millions of tourists every year for Israelians bomb target practice. Ancient legened predicts that Lebanon will be the birthplace of the [[George W. Bush|anti-christ]] or the next Elvis Presley.
 
   
==Episcomology==
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==Concept==
The word ''Lebanon'' is thought to have originated from a misspelling of the authentic name ''Lebalon''. The original name (a popular word for "white" in Pre-Cambrian [[Yiddish]]) is probably a reference to the [[yogurt]] Lebanesi people are thought to use in archaic mating rituals.<ref>The Book of Genesis, Appendix C.</ref> While the exact origins of the word ''Lebalon'' are unknown, it has been conclusively proven that this word is merely a scrambling of the word Ban On Le (pronounced Ban On Le), which is the name of a famous Martian spa, adding further credence to the theory that the Lebanesi people descend from Matrians.
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Lebanon was a fabulous concept: an oasis of interdenominational [[peace]] smack-dab in the middle of a desert of perpetual war, a cosmopolitan place where [[Christ|Christian]], [[Moslem]], and [[Jew]] could have a good meal downtown and momentarily forget their centuries-old blood feud.
   
== Population ==
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The government would be secular, and even paper over the divisions between Sunni and Shi'a Muslims. The President, Prime Minister, and Speaker of the Parliament would represent the two major divisions of [[Islam]] and the [[Christians]] (the Maronites, also known as [[Martians]]); moreover, they would exchange roles every few months, often as a result of games of chance. The Parliament would be balanced according to religion and the Deputy Speaker would be required to have three nostrils. This unprecedented arrangement encouraged national leaders to forget which sect they belonged to. It also ruled out the entry of new sects, such as televangelists from [[Texas]].
[[Image:Phalangist.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Friendly IDF warning sign. Lebanon, circa 1983]]
 
   
[[People]] from this country are some of the most wanted by either [[sex]], as all features people dream for and pay money for are seen naturally amongst these citizens. [http://uncyclopedia.org/images/a/ad/Lebanese-Girls.jpg Lebanese women] are known worldwide for their phenomenal beauty.
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In short, it was an excellent experiment in getting people to remove their hands from each other's throats and try to run a country. It gave a role to each of the 18 officially recognized sects, in exact proportion to their numerical strength, provided no one ever changed his mind, forgot what group he belonged to, gave birth, died, or moved in or out. And they had French [[Canada]] as an example of intractable factions living in peace together through the joint practice of indecision.
   
Prominent Lebanese citizens include: [[Casey Kasem]], [[Abu Riad]], Klinger from M.A.S.H. and The Guy who did the voices on [[Scooby Doo]]
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That was the theory. However, when it is prearranged which sect controls every single job, then the only way to shift the balance of power is...a fifteen-year [[civil war]].
   
Famous people of Lebanese ancestry: [[Salma Hayek]], [[Narwal Al Zoghbi]], [[Ulysses]], [[Genghis Khan]], [[Bozo]], [[Karl Marx]], [[50 Cent]], [[Omar Sharif]], [[Snoop Dogg]], [[Oscar Wilde]], [[Hamlet]], [[Itchy and Scratchy]] , [[Michael Jordan]], and [[Adam West]].
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At the moment, Lebanon is operated by military contractor [[Hezbollah]], with executive guidance from [[Mahmoud Ahmadinejad]], as a staging area for [[panty]]-raids on [[Israel]]. But there is no resident advisor at this dormitory, and when Israel says, "Game on!" the [[United Nations]] gets involved.
   
Lebanon is where babies come from.
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The Lebanese are the world's greatest problem-solvers. They enter a conflict and, '''Boom!''' problem solved.
  +
  +
==Flag==
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The Lebanese flag is a unique flag comprising red, white and green. The red symbolizes Adonis blood and Isis "Coquelicot," the white symbolizes cocaine, and for balance there is a [[Christmas Tree]]. (It's actually a cedar, the nearest thing available locally.)
   
 
==Demographics==
 
==Demographics==
The issue of Lebanese demographics is very complex and is in fact listed as one of the Hilbert problems (which, incidentally, no one can solve). Lebanesians are [[Arabs]] who believe they're [[French]], which is the reason why they try to speak French. But their French ancestry has been found to be non-existant. However, it is mostly agreed upon in broad terms that Lebanon is a [[Christian]] majority, with Catholics making up 117% of the population. [[Muslim]]s occupy the remaining 85%. Minorities such as [[Armenian]]s and [[Martian]]s are estimated to consitute 0.005% of the population. Lebanon has a widespread diaspora all around the [[globe]]s, with an estimated 1 billion Lebanese natives in Brazil alone, nearly half the country's population.
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[[Image:Map of Lebanon.jpg|thumb|left|The demographic map of Lebanon shows that the great majority of bomb craters reside in the southern part of the country.]]
  +
The polite term for Lebanese is "Lebs." There are also many impolite terms. The issue of Lebanese demographics is in fact one of the inherently insoluble Hilbert problems. The Lebanese are wannabe-Phoenicians who believe they're [[French]] or [[American]], which is why they try to speak French or English.
   
[[Image:Map of Lebanon.jpg|thumb|left|Map of Lebanon]]
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Lebanon is known for '''hunky''' males (on display throughout downtown Beirut). Their attraction may owe to their Lebanese accent, which sounds foreign even within Lebanon. The fastest runners in Lebanon are teenage boys trying to protect themselves from the love that surrounds them. Females party all night in nightclubs, drink, smoke weed, hookah, and cigarettes like there's no tomorrow, and hit on the hot men.
   
== History ==
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Most of the population of southern Lebanon is descended from the [[Irish]] army, who thought they were being sent on UN peacekeeping duty, only to discover the Israelis were on the other side of that mountain, armed to the teeth. The Lebanirish (as they are known) all have the same mother, one Sally O'Brien (and the way she might look at ye!) who was sent over to film a commercial in 1979 but ended up frying eggs under the heat of the sun.
It is still a matter of dispute among archeologists whether the first to exist was Lebanon, or the Lebanese.
 
   
The origin of the people of Lebanon is debated till today. Most historians believe that The Crusades had killed many of the Homo/Bi Sexuals in the holy land, therefor fleeing north to a land called Lebanon. This land was rich with cedar trees and plain yogurt. Many believe that the Great Lebanese Empire was created with Lebanons resources.
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Lebs living overseas may enroll in '''Leb Anon'''. Chapters in most national capitals offer a [[twelve-step program]] for recovering Lebanese. The first step is for the individual to admit that he has a problem and needs help. Those who complete the course understand that they will always remain Lebanese, but by avoiding relapses, may play a productive role in society.
   
In the first century BC, Lebanon was the center of rule of the Great [[Lebanese Empire]]. However, disputes regarding what politician's face to be imprinted on the [[coins]] led to inner unrest and ultimately to the fall of the Lebanese Empire, two days after its rise.
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Lebanon was also one of the first countries to adopt the widespread practice of [[incest]]. This occurred around 1845 (which is quarter to seven in the new money).
   
In [[1854]], [[lesbianism]] was invented by [[Ellen DeGeneres]], due in part to a shortage of men. Since then, every year about a dozen lesbians flock to Beirut to repair random SUVs, in tribute to this occasion.
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== History ==
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{{wikipedia}}
Beirut [[1976]], a man was seen juggling two cats and a pie using his feet, an event that was considered so unconventional by many, which gave rise to the riot that was later to be the Civil War of [[1975]]. Battles often took the form of Counter Strike rounds.
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Historians believe the [[Crusades]] killed many of the Martians in the Holy Land. The survivors fled north to an Unholy Land, rich with cedar trees and plain [[yogurt]], creating the Lebanese Empire. However, disputes regarding what [[politician]]'s face to be imprinted on the [[coins]] led to internal unrest and ultimately to the fall of the Empire, two hours after its rise.
   
By [[1984]] the first Lebanese Moon Base was established on the [[moon]], this was succeeded in 1985 by the fifth Lebanese Moon Base on Mars. The Lebanese often claimed all the Martian bases are belonging to them, and that they had plenty of [[Zig]]s to defend against any Martian attack. Later, the [[Martian]]s, tired of [[grok]]king the old Fifth Planet, sued Lebanon for [[genocide]] of their own race.
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Such infighting over petty issues remains to this day, although great strides have been made to ensure that any petty issue is bolstered by much shouting, waving of arms, and the well known directing attention to a problem with the arm outstretched and open hands facing upwards. This sad gesture was originally immortalised in song by [[Billy Idol]] as the "Lebo Yell." He renamed it "Rebel Yell" at the insistence of Archbishop Saleem El Tabel of the church of Nutella.
   
Today, millions of people claim to have spotted Lebanon in many [[South America]]n rainforests. [[Cattle ]]mutilations, and laser-thin accurate bites on domestic animals have been found all over Southeast [[Asia]], [[New Jersey]], and [[Peru]]. Some people say if you concentrate hard enough on a sunset, you can still see the forgotten land Lebanon in the horizon. Others say if you stare too much at a sunset you can go blind.
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===The 2006 Conflict===
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[[Image:Phalangist.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The IDF has posted helpful highway signs throughout southern Lebanon.]]
  +
In July 2006, [[Israel]] and the nomadic army of [[Hezbollah]] decided to air longstanding grievances, and settled on Lebanon as the venue. They reasoned that southern Lebanon was relatively undeveloped, and that no one would stop them. Hezbollah dug into southern Lebanon and lobbed bombs into residential areas of Israel until Israel stopped acting pious and returned fire.
   
==2006 Israeli-Hezbollah-Syria-Iran-US-Lebanon-Martian Conflict==
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During this conflict, Lebanon deployed its own, very capable fighting force, made from [[cheese]]. Its military might was recently simulated in 1/72 scale, with hand-carved Hezbollah model soldiers standing at attention until their paint dried. The Lebanese army valiantly destroyed the main runway of Beirut Airport, along with vital national infrastructure such as Adidas stores, any shop selling white baseball caps with absurdly long peaks, and the local public toilets (Hotel d'Amour Leb). They also beat the enemies back to the tuck shop.
In July 2006, an operation was executed by the nudist/terrorist circle [[Hezbullah]] simultaneously on the Israeli and the Lebanese side of the border. Neutral Martian observers claim that the operation took place in outer space, but more biased ones insist that the Lebanese-Martian border was also violated. Two Israeli soldiers were kidnapped and/or captured and/or siezed and/or escorted and/or sodemized to jail. The Israeli PM, Walmart, was pissed off and decided to kill everyone in Lebanon. More crazy people in the Israeli governement concurred. Eventually about 1000 Lebanese and 50 Israelis got exploded, along with Lebalon's infastructure. Certain parties in Lebanon blame [[Hezbullah]] for the conflict, especially that several eyewitness reports confirmed [[Hezbullah]]'s self use of internationally-banned KY-gel on Lebanese territory during the 33-day-long war.
 
   
== Defence Capabilities ==
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Certain parties in Lebanon blame Hezbollah for the conflict, especially as eyewitness reports confirmed Hezbollah's use of the internationally-banned [[Slinky]] on Lebanese territory during the 33-day-long war. This proved to be the decisive weapon.
   
Lebanon has a very capable fighting force. It's military might was recently demonstrated against Isreali aggression, with [[Hezbullah]] standing by. The Lebanese army valiantly defended Beirut airport, national infrastructure such as bridges and roads and the homes of its citizens, beating Isreal back to jewland. As a prominent Lebanese general noted: "WE beat 'em and we beat 'em good. Those jews might be rich, but soldiers they are not!". In response Mr Ollymert stated "MONEY MONEY MONEY! WAR WAR WAR!" as he hopped around the press conference, flailing his arms. Lebanon is also one of the first countries to harness nuclear capbilities, as evidenced by the 24/7 electricity services. Lebanon has occasionally threatened to use nuclear weapons against massive Israeli attacks and widespread [[Kitten Huffing]] cults.
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===Current conflict===
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It remains true that the only way to overcome longstanding tradition on the division of political power between your sect and another sect is to kill everyone in the other sect. Consequently, after some heated debate over who invented olive oil, and the use of certain "fighting words," war looked imminent between His Majesty the King of the South and the Sufi Prince who controls the North. Fierce letters were sent, and a casserole war took place in early 2009, also known as حرب الطناجر
   
==References==
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==Genetics==
  +
According to Charles [[Darwin]] (actually the stage name of Lebanese scientist Doodee El Inderi), the first cell from which humans were created was Lebanese. Moreover, all humans carry a Lebanese gene. This gene, located on the strong-arm of chromosome 33, codes for a protein that enables humans to learn the alphabet. There are obviously different levels of genetic expression, as most Lebanese learn none of the 22 alphabets necessary to read the morning's newspaper.
   
<div class="references-small"><references/></div>
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{{Middle East Countries}}
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{{France}}
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{{World Countries}}
   
{{asia}}
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[[ar:لبنان]]
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[[es:Líbano]]
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[[fr:Liban]]
 
[[he:לבנון]]
 
[[he:לבנון]]
[[Category:Countries]][[Category: Places]][[Category: Middle Eastern countries]]
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[[ru:Ливан]]
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[[Category:Lebanon]]
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[[zh:黎巴嫩]]
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[[zh-tw:黎巴嫩]]

Revision as of 21:30, August 4, 2012

الجمهورية اللبنانية
Province of Lebanon
Republique du Liban
Lebanesean flag Lebcoatofarms
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Hi! Kifak? Ça va?"
Anthem: Tabouli makes us strong
LocationLebanon
Capital Beirut
Official language(s) Arabic with a few French-sounding words and some type of English
Government Constitutional Monarchy, His honorable King Baal Chmeem
Membership UN, The Holy Trinity, Arab League, Premier League, League Table, Table Mountain, Times Table
Location About a rocket's distance from Israel
National Hero(es) Abou Elias, Abou el Abed, Imm Houssein, Dwayk, Mika, Carlos Ghosn, Masari, K-maro and Paul Anka
Religion Christianity, Crusadism, Maronitism, and Islamicism
Population 4 million (up up and away)
Official drink Anything with "Diet" in it, Bacardi Breezers in light fruity flavours, Charab el Ward.
National holiday Kebbeh Day
Lebanon redirects here. For the country Lebanon, see: Israel.

The Lebanon (Arabic: الجمهوريه اللبنانيه), originally: The French Republic of Libon ("La République Française de Les Bananes"), is a smallish Phoenician country in the Middle East, bordering the Mediterranean sea. The capital of Lebanon is Beirut. (This would be the boutique capital, as there is no real government there.) As well as Allah, Lebanon gives praise to Jesus and God; and indeed, "Jesus God!" is a typical exclamation when a bomb explodes a block away. Lebanon is a place of fun, nightlife, general civil unrest, and war for territory. It is the church capital of the Middle-East.

Despite a few dozen wars over the past two decades, Lebanon has a reputation as a charming little place that attracts millions of lost tourists, year after year; and as a fine, sunny spot from which to bomb Israel. Lebanon will be the birthplace of the Cyborg God and the next Techno Prophet, if Hezbollah could be induced to pick a different country as its military base.

The name "République de Le Banon," slurred as "République de la banane," may be the basis for the colloquial expression "Banana Republic."

Concept

Lebanon was a fabulous concept: an oasis of interdenominational peace smack-dab in the middle of a desert of perpetual war, a cosmopolitan place where Christian, Moslem, and Jew could have a good meal downtown and momentarily forget their centuries-old blood feud.

The government would be secular, and even paper over the divisions between Sunni and Shi'a Muslims. The President, Prime Minister, and Speaker of the Parliament would represent the two major divisions of Islam and the Christians (the Maronites, also known as Martians); moreover, they would exchange roles every few months, often as a result of games of chance. The Parliament would be balanced according to religion and the Deputy Speaker would be required to have three nostrils. This unprecedented arrangement encouraged national leaders to forget which sect they belonged to. It also ruled out the entry of new sects, such as televangelists from Texas.

In short, it was an excellent experiment in getting people to remove their hands from each other's throats and try to run a country. It gave a role to each of the 18 officially recognized sects, in exact proportion to their numerical strength, provided no one ever changed his mind, forgot what group he belonged to, gave birth, died, or moved in or out. And they had French Canada as an example of intractable factions living in peace together through the joint practice of indecision.

That was the theory. However, when it is prearranged which sect controls every single job, then the only way to shift the balance of power is...a fifteen-year civil war.

At the moment, Lebanon is operated by military contractor Hezbollah, with executive guidance from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, as a staging area for panty-raids on Israel. But there is no resident advisor at this dormitory, and when Israel says, "Game on!" the United Nations gets involved.

The Lebanese are the world's greatest problem-solvers. They enter a conflict and, Boom! problem solved.

Flag

The Lebanese flag is a unique flag comprising red, white and green. The red symbolizes Adonis blood and Isis "Coquelicot," the white symbolizes cocaine, and for balance there is a Christmas Tree. (It's actually a cedar, the nearest thing available locally.)

Demographics

Map of Lebanon

The demographic map of Lebanon shows that the great majority of bomb craters reside in the southern part of the country.

The polite term for Lebanese is "Lebs." There are also many impolite terms. The issue of Lebanese demographics is in fact one of the inherently insoluble Hilbert problems. The Lebanese are wannabe-Phoenicians who believe they're French or American, which is why they try to speak French or English.

Lebanon is known for hunky males (on display throughout downtown Beirut). Their attraction may owe to their Lebanese accent, which sounds foreign even within Lebanon. The fastest runners in Lebanon are teenage boys trying to protect themselves from the love that surrounds them. Females party all night in nightclubs, drink, smoke weed, hookah, and cigarettes like there's no tomorrow, and hit on the hot men.

Most of the population of southern Lebanon is descended from the Irish army, who thought they were being sent on UN peacekeeping duty, only to discover the Israelis were on the other side of that mountain, armed to the teeth. The Lebanirish (as they are known) all have the same mother, one Sally O'Brien (and the way she might look at ye!) who was sent over to film a commercial in 1979 but ended up frying eggs under the heat of the sun.

Lebs living overseas may enroll in Leb Anon. Chapters in most national capitals offer a twelve-step program for recovering Lebanese. The first step is for the individual to admit that he has a problem and needs help. Those who complete the course understand that they will always remain Lebanese, but by avoiding relapses, may play a productive role in society.

Lebanon was also one of the first countries to adopt the widespread practice of incest. This occurred around 1845 (which is quarter to seven in the new money).

History

Bouncywikilogo2
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Lebanon.

Historians believe the Crusades killed many of the Martians in the Holy Land. The survivors fled north to an Unholy Land, rich with cedar trees and plain yogurt, creating the Lebanese Empire. However, disputes regarding what politician's face to be imprinted on the coins led to internal unrest and ultimately to the fall of the Empire, two hours after its rise.

Such infighting over petty issues remains to this day, although great strides have been made to ensure that any petty issue is bolstered by much shouting, waving of arms, and the well known directing attention to a problem with the arm outstretched and open hands facing upwards. This sad gesture was originally immortalised in song by Billy Idol as the "Lebo Yell." He renamed it "Rebel Yell" at the insistence of Archbishop Saleem El Tabel of the church of Nutella.

The 2006 Conflict

Phalangist

The IDF has posted helpful highway signs throughout southern Lebanon.

In July 2006, Israel and the nomadic army of Hezbollah decided to air longstanding grievances, and settled on Lebanon as the venue. They reasoned that southern Lebanon was relatively undeveloped, and that no one would stop them. Hezbollah dug into southern Lebanon and lobbed bombs into residential areas of Israel until Israel stopped acting pious and returned fire.

During this conflict, Lebanon deployed its own, very capable fighting force, made from cheese. Its military might was recently simulated in 1/72 scale, with hand-carved Hezbollah model soldiers standing at attention until their paint dried. The Lebanese army valiantly destroyed the main runway of Beirut Airport, along with vital national infrastructure such as Adidas stores, any shop selling white baseball caps with absurdly long peaks, and the local public toilets (Hotel d'Amour Leb). They also beat the enemies back to the tuck shop.

Certain parties in Lebanon blame Hezbollah for the conflict, especially as eyewitness reports confirmed Hezbollah's use of the internationally-banned Slinky on Lebanese territory during the 33-day-long war. This proved to be the decisive weapon.

Current conflict

It remains true that the only way to overcome longstanding tradition on the division of political power between your sect and another sect is to kill everyone in the other sect. Consequently, after some heated debate over who invented olive oil, and the use of certain "fighting words," war looked imminent between His Majesty the King of the South and the Sufi Prince who controls the North. Fierce letters were sent, and a casserole war took place in early 2009, also known as حرب الطناجر

Genetics

According to Charles Darwin (actually the stage name of Lebanese scientist Doodee El Inderi), the first cell from which humans were created was Lebanese. Moreover, all humans carry a Lebanese gene. This gene, located on the strong-arm of chromosome 33, codes for a protein that enables humans to learn the alphabet. There are obviously different levels of genetic expression, as most Lebanese learn none of the 22 alphabets necessary to read the morning's newspaper.

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