Lebanon
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The Lebanese Republic of Lebanon (Arabic: الجمهوريه اللبنانيه), originally: The French Republic of Libon (Frenchenese: "La République Française de Le Banon"), is rumored to be a smallish Phoenician country in the Middle East, bordering the Mediterranean sea. The capital of Lebanon is Beirut. It's praise be to Jesus, ,God, and Allah. It was known for general civil unrest. It is also known to be fun, nightlife, war of its neighbors on its land, and Church capital of the Middle-East.
Despite a few dozen wars over the past two decades, Lebanon has a famous reputation of being a charming little joint which attracts hundreds of millions of thousands of lost tourists every year. Ancient legend predicts that Lebanon will be the birthplace of the Cyborg God, and the next Techo Prophet.
Depending on sources, the expression "Banana Republic" might have derivated from the original "Republique de Le Banon", that furtively became "Republique de la banane", and then "Republique bananière", finally translated into "Banana Republic".
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[edit] Episcomology
While the exact origins of the word Lebalon are unknown, it has been conclusively proven that this word is merely a scrambling of the word Ban On Le (pronounced Ban On Le), which is the name of a famous Martian spa, adding further credence to the theory that the Lebanesi people descend from Matrians. We have received an information leak from Aymans dad (primeminister- also a member of Hezbollah) that they are planning on a slight change on the world map. They are considering changing the shading of lebanon to black (all 2.5 mm of it). The other theory written by one of the most prominant figures of ancient sidon the fisherman philisopher Allah El Salem Lasismo, says , with evident proof, that the Lebanese descend directly from GOD, and until now no one has been able to negate this theory.
[edit] Demographics
The polite term for Lebanians are "Lebs". There are many more impolite terms. The issue of Lebanese demographics is very complex and is in fact listed as one of the Hilbert problems (which, incidentally, no one can solve). Lebanesians are Phoenicians who believe they're French, which is the reason why they try to speak French. But their French ancestry has been found to be non-existant, simply because all the Mediterranean people are one in the same. It is known for its all HUNKY male population (this can be seen throughout all of downtown Beirut). Recent studies have showed that this may be due their supreme accent, A.K.A the Lebanese accent! The fastest runners in Lebanon are teenage boys trying to protect themselves from the love that surrounds them. Luckily, goats do not run so well and are a popular pastime for males. Females only exist for regular beatings and wailing.
Most of the population of southern Lebanon is descended from the Irish army who thought they were being sent on UN Peacekeeping duty only to discover the Israelis were on the other side of that mountain and armed to the teeth. The Lebanirish as they are known all have the same mother, one Sally O'Brien (and the way she might look at ye) who was sent over to do a drinks commercial in 1979 but ended up frying eggs under the heat of the sun.
[edit] Physiopathology
According to Darwin (stage name for the Lebanese scientist Doodee El Inderi) the first cell from which humans were created, was a LEBANESE cell. And currently all the humans carry a LEBANESE genetic marker in their right temporal lobes allowing them to learn the alphabet. In 1989 the Nobel Prize Laureate for “Lebanese Upper Sciences” category found a gene unique to the LEBANESE people, the gene lb10452 located on the short arm of the chromosome 33 (lb10452 p33) was found in all the Lebanese people and their descendants. This gene codes for a multivalent transmembrane protein responsible of increasing the efficiency of neuronal cells by 10000000000 times, the exact mechanism is not known yet, and there are different levels of genetic expression. In 1997 God and JESUS were tested for the lb10452 p33 gene, and were found to be positive with a full expression of the gene, and under public pressure The prophet Mohammad was tested and was found positive too.
[edit] History
It is still a matter of dispute among philosophers which came first, Lebanon or every body else?
The origin of the people of Lebanon is rarely debated today. Most historians believe that The Crusades had killed many of the Martians in the holy land, therefore fleeing north to a land called Lebanon. This land was rich with cedar trees and plain yogurt. Many believe that the Great Lebanese Empire was created with Lebanon's resources.
In the first century BC, Lebanon was the center of rule of the Great Lebanese Empire. However, disputes regarding what politician's face to be imprinted on the coins led to inner unrest and ultimately to the fall of the Lebanese Empire, two hours after its rise. Infighting over petty issues remains to this day although great strides have been made to ensure that any petty issue is bolstered by much shouting, waving of arms and the well known directing attention to a problem with the arm outstretched, fingers open and palm facing upwards. This sad gesture was originally immortalised in song by Billy Idol as the "Lebo Yell" but was changed to "Rebel Yell" at the insistence of Archbishop Saleem El Tabel of the church of Nutella.
Beirut 1976, a man was seen juggling two cats and a pie using his feet, an event that was considered so unconventional by many, which gave rise to the riot that was later to be the Civil War of 1975. Battles often took the form of Counter Strike rounds.
By 1984 the first Lebanese Moon Base was established on the moon, this was succeeded in 1985 by the fifth Lebanese Moon Base on Mars. The Lebanese often claimed all the Martian bases are belonging to them, and that they had plenty of Zigs to defend against any Martian attack. Later, the Martians, tired of grokking the old Fifth Planet, sued Lebanon for genocide of their own race.
[edit] 2006 Israeli-Hezbollah-Syria-Iran-US-Lebanon-Martian Conflict
In July 2006, an operation was executed when Lebanon got arse raped by israel by the Hezbullah simultaneously on the Israeli and the Lebanese side of the border. Neutral Martian observers claim that the operation took place in outer space, but more biased ones insist that the Lebanese-Martian border was also violated. Two Israeli soldiers were kidnapped and/or captured and/or seized and/or escorted and/or sodemized to jail. The Israeli PM, Walmart, was pissed off and decided to kill everyone in Lebanon. More crazy people in the Israeli governement concurred. Eventually about 1000 Lebanese and 200 Israelis got exploded, along with Lebanon's cheap infastructure. Certain parties in Lebanon blame Hezbullah for the conflict, especially that several eyewitness reports confirmed Hezbullah's self use of internationally-banned Slinky on Lebanese territory during the 33-day-long war. The slinky proved to be the decisive weapon in the war and the rest, they say, is history.
[edit] The 2009 War Between the north and the south
After the polemic discussion over who invented olive oil, and after using outrageous words, war was about to take place between The king of the south His Majesty (aka HM) and the prince of the north Sufi King (aka SK) who disputed the right to lead the planet, and LEBANON as well. Fierce letters were sent, and a casserole war took place in the early 2009, also known as حرب الطناجر
The war lasted 100 days and 100 nights, and the south won, and made his capital city the capital city of LEBANON and called it the "100 and 100 Holy city" also known as the "Mieh W Mieh Holy City" (in Arabic). The losers of "hadath el jobbé" were sent to work in the fields of potatoes for 2 hours, and the "100 and 100 Holy city" ruled the globe of earth afterwards, and now is negotiation to buy the moon.
Many Monks affirm that this war was foretold backwards by the American prophet Margaret Mitchell, the vision came to her when she washing the dishes at the home of Gibran after the poker party. That night she wrote what she saw in that vision, and slept while writing, and forgot the to close the window, so the papers were gone with the wind.
Many other neighboring forces were accused of taking no actions, KAA (King And And) and JH (Jelly Highness) were shopping for the new street decorations in Zook Michael and Khirbit Kanafar, While PH (Pou Tana Hering king) was spreading swine flue in Tripoli in Northern Lebanon. All those parties were never credited in the war.
[edit] Defence Capabilities
Lebanon has a very capable fighting force and our moon is made from cheese. Its military might was recently simulated in 1/72 scale against Israeli aggression, with hand-carved Hezbullah model soldiers standing by as the paint was still wet. The Lebanese army valiantly disintegrated Beirut airport, vital national infrastructure such as Adidas stores, any shop selling white baseball caps with ridiculously long peaks and the local public toilets (Hotel d'amour Leb), beating the ennemies back to the tuck shop. As prominent Lebanese General Fehmennoted: "WE beat 'em and we beat 'em good. Those jews might be rich, but soldiers they are not!". In response Mr Andersson of Sweden sang: "MONEY Stolen MONEY! Must be funny in a rich man's world!" with the assistenace of a portable cassette player. Lebanon is also one of the first countries to resort to incest with their cuz's(approximately 1845, or quarter to seven in the new money), as evidenced by the 24/7 female beating services. Lebanon has occasionally threatened to use nuclear weapons against massive Martian attacks and widespread Kitten raising cults.
