Latios and Latias
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 Attempt to explain jokeThis article attempts to explain a joke in minute detail, as if to an idiot, a very small child, or a very small child who is also an idiot. It also attempts to explain its own explanation, which, if successful, could result in crashing the universe. Please do not crash the universe.
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“My sister, but she's sooooooooooooooooooooooo.... Akward.”
~ Latios on Latias
“I'd tap that.”
~ Rayquaza on Latias
“I have had it with these motherfucking Pokémon in this motherfucking game!”
~ Samuel L. Jackson on Latios and Latias
“Here we go again...”
~ Arceus on Latios and Latias
Latios and Latias are two divine beings in Pokémonism. They believe that Latios died for their sins and for the world and rose on the first day. Just like Christianity's belief, but crazier.
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[edit] Biblical Biographies
[edit] Latios
Latios was the Pokémon equivalent to Jesus (BECAUSE JESUS REFERENCES ARE ALWAYS FUNNY.). Born in 3 B.C. along with his sister, Latios was a Jew. He was born from Latias, the mother and Latios, the father of Latios. According to the Pokégospels of Ash and Brock, Latios was a descendent of Pikachu, who was a descendent of Mew (the first Pokémon in Earth), who was a descendent of Dialga and Palkia, the gods of time and space, who was the sons of Arceus, the king of the gods and goddesses.
After Latios and Latias were born, they were given gifts by the Wise Pokémon, or the PokéMagis. The entire family went in exile to Egypt, and later returned. They are later baptised by Empoleon the Baptist. For forty days and forty nights, Latios starved all the way to the bone and was tempted by Satan 666 times to do stupid things such as jumping off a cliff, slit the wrists and regenerate, and even turning stones to bread. He fought back with the scriptures from the book of Pokéteronomy II.
Latios became a Pharisee and shouted the Old Testaments out. This is when he met Jesus, another Pharisee. Latios later became a Jewish vice-rabbi and tells lots of stories and parables. At one time, he dined with his friend Jesus, who was known as a Messiah at the time. He later became part of the Apostles, but at the Last Supper, Judas betrayed Jesus, and Latios left. Latios died by crucifixion at 4pm, an hour after Jesus. He went to hell, where TONIGHT, HE DINES IN HELL. According the the Pokégospels, it is said that he rose on the fourth day to Heaven, and saw Jesus fifty days later in Heaven.
[edit] Latias
Latias is the sister of Latios. Born in 1 A.D., she tried to become guided by Jews. Although women are not allowed in Jewish areas, Latias strived to fight against women's rights. She fell in love with Ash in 19 A.D., and had triplets, called OMG, WTF, and BBQ, which begat food and Meow Mix, who is the grandson of Latias and Ash. Then God told her that when her children are 21 years of age, she will be transfigured. In her end of her life, she was transfigured and became known as the Virgin Latias, somewhat to her consternation, as she cannot both be in her desired relationship with Ash and simultaneously keep this title. And to this day, Pokémon worshippers use the so-called "Hail Laitas" prayer for the Pokérosary and other uses.
Yep, and you know, she is known as the Blessed Virgin Latias. Many people of the Pokémon Catholic sect believe that Latias is a divine female counterpart of Latios. But recent archaelogical evidence shows that Latios is related to Latias as brothers and sisters.
[edit] Present Whereabouts
Currently, Latias is wanted for two counts of murder in Latvia and one count of abusing semi-divine powers.
[edit] What actually happened to Ash (first-hand account done by Ash)
Once, when I was 12, I walked barefoot in this room in our house, however the floor was of pretty old wooden boarding and I was unlucky enough to step on a large splinter. It just slid in and left me with a slight limp. I ignored it. A few weeks later, my limp was becoming more evident, and my teacher at the youth hostel my class were staying in at the time asked me why I was limping. I told her what happened, and she immediately said that I needed to go to hospital to have the large splinter taken out before it became infected, in spite of the time being 11pm. So off we went to the hospital, walking all the way and we had to wait three hours (until 3am) for the doctor to see us. Eventually, the doctor saw me and a scene involving quite a lot of blood, hysterical screaming, some laughing gas that didn't work all followed. I was quite relieved when the doctor got the splinter out, she showed it to me, as if I had just been in labour and the splinter was my newborn baby. She threw it away though. I went back home safely.
The equation to find Latios and Latias is: PEG-US!!!
Where O means Latios, A means Latias, j stands for Jesus and b stands for the location of Latios and Latias
[edit] See Also
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| Pokémon: | Electrode - Arceus - Charmander - Dialga - Giratina - Grue - Hyundai - Jigglypuff - Kyogre - Ling-Ling - Latios and Latias - Meowth - Mewtwo - Mudkip - Pichu - Palkia - Pikachu - Poliwag - Rayquaza - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Whangdoodle - Wobbuffet - Togepi - Pikachu (Ash) - Piplup - Manaphy - Torchic - Mew - Yoshi |
| People: | Ash - Team Rocket - Misty - Brock - Professor Oak - Nurse Joy - Max - Officer Jenny - Pokemon Kid |
| Locations: | Glitch City - Pokemon Island - Silph Co. - Spear Pillar |
| Other: | Pikachu seizure - Pikachusetts - Pokémon Battles - Windows FireRed/LeafGreen - Anime series - PokeBitches - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - Pokemon (Show) - UnNews: Ash Dies - UnNews Pokémon Indonesia Special - Christian Symbology - FCC censorship - Pokémon (the text game) - Pokemon card - UnBooks:The UnOfficial Pokédex |
