From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Larry Ellison, devouring the Sun
“I most certainly DO NOT think I'm him!”
“He doesn't know what he's talking about.”
Lawrence Joseph Ellison (born August 17, 1944 in New York and Chicago) is a famous American actor/songwriter most notable for having written hit musicals, such as Oracle, and co-authoring multiple philosophical treatises.
edit Early life
Larry Ellison was born simultaneously in both of his birthplaces, thus creating a spatial paradox, eventually resulting in him having the ability to bend reality, which in later life he bestowed upon his lifelong companion and friend Steve Jobs. Due to a difficult relationship with his father, young Larry has entered life of a vagabond, joining a traveller society at the tender age of 9.
edit Early Career
After returning to Earth, Ellison first started his career as an entertainer, appearing in many successful musical productions such as "Apocalypse, Take a Look at Me Now!!!" and "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying, Sit Down and Relax For a Bit, Try and Read or Something, Maybe Eat a Cheese Sandwich, But Basically Do Anything Other Than Obsessively Think About Being Obliterated in a Massive Nuclear Apocalypse". But his most notable career breaktrough was writing music to Steve Jobs' "Ode to the iPhone", which not only skyrocketed both artists, but also laid foundation for a friendship that will mark their lives and careers.
In 1984, Jobs, Ellison and George Orwell founded a marketing agency, specializing in commercials for computer products, famous for it's television ads for Commodore 64 and IBM PC. The company rode on the success of the IT industry, so by 1992, both Jobs and Ellison rated amongst richest Americans according to this fellow named Forbes. Their partner, Orwell, did not get rich by the way, which suits him fine for not being an American in the first place (which is apparently one of the pre-requisites for becoming one of the richest Americans -- who knew?).
edit Philosophy years
In early years of the new millenium, Ellison has mended his relationship with his father, which is considered as at least part of the inspiration for his seminal philosophical works "Where God Went Wrong", "Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes", and "Who is this God Person Anyway?" co-authored with his young assistant Oolon Colluphid.
It is unknown when Ellison decided to devour the Sun, but it is now a scientifically accepted fact that he, in fact, succeeded in the endeavour (or "endevour", if you will). It is also generally accepted that as a byproduct of him devouring the Sun, there was materialisation of a transformer named Illumos Prime, who apparently runs on Solaris and whose purpose is unknown to all, including himself.
As he rose to presidency, he was sued by a small counter-intelligence start-up named Google, over claims that his earlier books on God contain allegedly copyrightable material from their financial reports. Ellison handled the situation in a way that still causes controversy among pinko leftists, by creating a mecha-clone containing DNA from both him and his then guitarist Jimmy Page, and then placing him strategically as the CEO of said company, thus effectively eliminating them as a potential threat to his plans.
edit The Seed of The Empire
In 2040, Ellison, at the end of is second mandate as President of the United States declared himself Imperator Avgvstvs Terrae and had set on his path of destroying The Republic with his sidekick Sith Vicious and his brethren. Unfortunately he was stopped by Alec Guinness and his young apprentice Ewan McGregor, but not before he had chance to have, claimed consensual, threesome with princesses Peach and Zelda, thus giving genetic material that will finally lead to birth of Padme Amidal which will stir all sorts of trouble in the universe.